By Guest Writer
Why Women Put Guys in the Friend Zone
“I talk to plenty of girls but they all think I am just a friend…”
This is the frustration of a 17 year-old male who recently reached out to me for help. Truth is, we’ve all been put in the friendzone, and once we’ve been banished to this dreaded place, we stay there. Permanently. We think of ingenuous tactics to win her over… we count down the days ’til we confess our undying love. But deep in our minds, we know that this has no effect. She simply thinks of you as just a “friend”. She would be terribly uncomfortable if you made a move on her.
This problem is awfully commonplace. If I got a dollar every time someone said they were in the friendzone, I’d be a millionaire. And obviously, getting out is an uphill (and sometimes impossible) battle.
But for the sake of this post, let’s look at the reasons why she put you in the friendzone to begin with.
Not the Right Situation
Some things are uncontrollable. If a girl is “on the prowl”, she’s not looking for a friend. She’s looking for a potential lover. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if a girl has just ended a long-term relationship she might not be looking for a potential lover. The old maxim “timing is everything” applies here.
However, situation isn’t just when you meet. It’s also why you meet.
For example, if you two met through friends and decided to be roommates, chances are she won’t initially look at you as a potential lover. Even if you’re the most charming man in the world, she still might not want to jeopardize her living situation in case there’s a falling out. Another example is if you two are co-workers. Although there might be mutual attraction, she might not want to risk being uncomfortable at work every day if the relationship starts getting ugly. More importantly, she might not want to risk her career.
Lack of Attraction
Some things are somewhat uncontrollable. If she’s just not that into you, then she’ll place you into the”just friends” basket. Yes, initial attraction is physical (duh, how else would you initially judge a person?), but girls can immediately be turned off by personality traits they find unappealing. Conversely, girls can be turned on by personality traits they find appealing, such as humor and confidence.
Fact is, different girls are attracted to different things. And contrary to popular belief, girls don’t necessarily categorize you as a “friend” or “potential lover” right off the bat.
Since there’s countless articles on the web on how to be more attractive, we won’t be redundant / bore you too much here.
Failure To Take Action
And finally, some things are definitely within your control. Many times, guys put themselves in the friendzone. This happens when they become “friends” with a girl who they’re afraid will reject them outright if they make a move.
The main point is that attraction has an expiration date. If you fail to take action soon enough, the girl will think that you’re either not attracted to her or that you’ve chickened out. Neither help your cause, and soon enough, she’ll write you off completely. By taking the plunge and making a move, it’s almost impossible to be put into the friendzone. Ask her out on a date. Initiate touch. Kiss her. Remember, no risk equals no reward. If she rejects you, so be it. At least you won’t waste energy wondering if you’ve been friendzoned.
There are a multitude of reasons why a girl puts a guy in the friendzone! Some are within your control, others are not. Focus on what you can do, and do not obsess over uncertainty. What can help is learning about the friendzone from a female perspective. Take a look at this free video I produced that delivers plenty of insights.
Remember, avoiding the friendzone altogether is a much better proposition than fighting to get out!