~ Guest Article by Frank Kermit ~
After all, a broken heart hurts, you could catch a sexually transmitted disease… You could end up ruining your life if you choose the wrong person… your financial situation could be massive destroyed through a nasty divorce. So why even try?
Well, I will give you three reasons:
1. Dating and relationships teach you about yourself. People have lots of theory about what they want in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of that theory is just that: theory. It is important to get as much relationship experience as you can so that you will learn about what you really can and cannot handle emotionally. This will give you the self-knowledge you will need to make a long-term relationship succeed when you get there.
2. You risk getting into relationships because you will make mistakes. In my practice as a therapist, I have found a significant correlation with people who refuse to take relationship-related risks AND people who have an unrealistic expectation of self-perfection. Perfectionists are under much self-imposed pressure to be perfect. It goes with their bizarre need to control every single little aspect of their life – and anything they have no control over (like another human being who they might be involved with) – creates much stress for them.
This need of being perfect is rooted in fear… the fear of not having control over the outcome. That causes inaction due to time lost trying to be over-prepared. Action beats out perfectionist-type-preparation when it comes to relationships, however. When first starting out dating someone, whether you are an inexperienced adult or newly single after the end of a long term relationship, it is important to date as much as you can AND give everyone that shows interest in you a chance to sweep you off your feet. I find this perfectionism to be common among the adult virgins that sometimes seek my coaching.
3. Because without some risk in life, you have no life. There is a wonderful scene from the movie Mambo Italiano. The main character at the age of 27 is trying to decide if he should break from family tradition and move out on his own without a wife (an insult to the parents in that culture), or stay with his parents (who treat like a child). The main character is actually a closeted homosexual – so he will never be in a position to wed and move out of his parent’s home, unknown to them. As he is debating whether or not he should take the risk of striking out on his own, he thinks about an image of his neighbor.
There sitting on the porch is Massimo, a 69 year old man still living with his parents, who are now in their 90s. We see evidence that the parents of the old man have continued to treat their 69-year-old son like a teenager. That man never had a girlfriend. He never moved out on his own. He never had a life of his own…
Yes, he never got divorced or made a mistake related to love, sex, dating and relationships – but he also never lived a real life, he just coasted safely through it.
Never taking any risks in life means that you never get to have the incredible experiences that life has to offer. You will never experience self actualization, you will never discover the kind of intimate love that can only result from a willingness to take a risk.
What is this worth to you? Only you can answer this.
Frank Kermit is the author of: From Friends to Lovers: Stop being Her Emotional Cookie Man. It’s a complete plan for turning any female friend into your girlfriend. Get yourself out of the “Friends Zone” for good, take a look here