By Guest Writer
What is the Cause of Attraction?
Attraction between men and women… what lies at it’s heart? As one of the great mysteries of all Time, it’s a tough nut to crack. Since the beginning of our species, we’ve asked ourselves – what exactly makes a woman attracted to a man?
Some will say it’s looks alone. Some will say personality. What about buzzwords like confident and genuine? Where does wealth and power play into all of this?
The truth of the matter is when women are attracted to a man, many times they can’t even pinpoint themselves what they were attracted to. Have you ever heard a woman say, “There was just something about him”? It’s obvious that attraction is complicated. Let’s break it down.
Undoubtedly, looks play an integral role in initial attraction. When you meet someone for the first time, the only thing you have to judge them by is their looks. Clearly, that’s the case for both men and women.You can’t do much to change your facial features, but there’s a lot you can do.
As far as physical attributes, often times what women look for in a man is what they care about themselves. Women care about their own personal style. That means they care about your style, and the clothes that you are wearing. Being well-dressed makes you more attractive. Conversely, being poorly-dressed makes you less attractive. Women also care about their own personal grooming and hygiene. That means they care about yours too. Take care of yourself. Take a shower, take care of your hair, brush your teeth, cut your nails, and use deodorant. Basic, basic stuff. “Good hair” is a trait that is universally attractive to women. Spend some extra money for a nice haircut – you can see the results.
The bottom line is that looks is what sparks that initial attraction – just realize that different girls are attracted to different looks.
Men and women aren’t too far apart. When we see someone beautiful, we can instantly become attracted. For men, that immediate physical attraction turns into arousal. For women, most of the time there needs to be a physical AND psychological attraction in order for arousal. How many times have you heard a woman complain, “He was attractive, but he was such a douchebag”? Or maybe you know about a time when a girl was attracted enough to go on a date with a guy, only to never want to see him again.
There’s been hundreds, maybe thousands, of studies on what personality traits make a man attractive. In a renowned study by David Buss, perceived social status was the most “attractive” trait.Social status can refer to tangible possessions, like money, a nice car, or a nice house. It can also refer to intangible behavioral traits, like confidence and leadership.
But money is a relatively new concept. It was “invented” between 3500 and 5000 years ago. Before then, people relied on barter. Cavemen didn’t have money. They didn’t have Lamborghini’s or Ferrari’s, and they didn’t have mansions. These cavemen didn’t have careers that paid them money. In terms of perceived social status, all the cavemen had going of them was their behavioral traits.
High-status behavior is not being needy. A high-status male has options, so he doesn’t invest his emotions in a woman who doesn’t invest in him.Especially in today’s society, trying too hard to impress a woman doesn’t work.
It’s also being confident. Confidence is such a buzzword, but one of the best ways of describing it is: being so sure in yourself and your values that you don’t care who approves or disapproves. To me, confidence is something that is developed over time. It’s repetition. Professional basketball players are confident because they’ve taken so many jump shots. They’re confident because they’ve practiced a move hundreds or thousands of times.
And finally, it’s about leadership. If a man is leading and empowering other people, then he’s perceived to be high-status. One woman has told me that she was attracted to her college orientation leader just because he was an authority figure. She recalled that when she first met him, she didn’t find him attractive, and wished that she had the other (more attractive) orientation leader instead. Over time, she found him attractive because of his authority position, his leadership, and his friends.
It’s equally important to learn about attraction from the perspectives of men and women. From men, we can learn about the times when they seduced a woman and what they did correctly. We can also learn about the times when they failed and what they didn’t do correctly. All this content is widely available, and you know where to look for that.
From women, we can learn about the times when they were seduced. It’s useful to hear about their experiences and how they became attracted to a man. Check out this free video where I interviewed a woman on her own experiences. Attraction is still a mystery, but it’s definitely starting to become clearer why women are attracted to some guys, but not to others.
Will Legend is the founder of DecodeHer.com DecodeHer interviews women on the hottest sex and dating topics. Hear in-depth seduction stories from women right now.