Clubs can be hard on the ego, they are not really the “normal world” where regular social techniques are all that effective…
And that’s because everybody has their eyes on the top 10% of hot bodies (both men and women) and everyone else looks diminished and low quality in their shadow. This makes it damn hard to get a “hearing” from women, so it’s a tough environment that requires a thick skin for rejection. That’s because girls who would otherwise pick up a flirt and play around for awhile with any guy like yourself will reject you pretty quickly instead, especially if it’s obvious to them that you don’t have a lot of “club mojo” or aren’t a regular player in that environment.
For instance, if you happen to have the male disease of shortness like I do, you will seem that much shorter and perhaps even comical standing next to the towering, muscular Sven or his rap star look-alike buddy at the nightclub. Girls who would otherwise pick up a flirt in a grocery store isle will reject you in a heartbeat simply for failing to make that top 20% cut. The nightclub environment requires a thick skin for casual rejection if you happen to strike an average pose, to say the least.
The bar / nightclub scene more or less demands that you participate in the culture of what I call the “3-D’s”… Dancing, Dressing, and the Displaying of attitude. You know what I’m talking about here and if you don’t then you need to visit a few of these places and observe the dynamics going on for yourself. Guys who play the part expected of them by the foxy bar-queens that populate these places do the best. Whereas guys who stand around and watch, well… they stand around and watch. If these kinds of behaviors don’t come natural to you, then you’ll have to learn how to play-act your way into this mindset because it’s the only way that you’ll have any sort of reasonable success-to-rejection ratio.
Begin by frequenting some of the best places near you. Watch and study the “players” who seem to always have women buzzing around them. These guys did not simply show up one day and rule the roost – they paid their dues by spending many evenings dancing and drinking, flirting and getting shot down, staying at it until they made a few breakthroughs… and finally making some “friends of a feather” and creating a little entourage for themselves. This doesn’t happen overnight. It takes a commitment of time and money… cover fees, hot clothes, bar tabs, etc. It takes a commitment and desire to burrow deep into this scene and become at ease within it.
With that in mind, here’s 3 essential things to know about working in nightclubs:
1) You have to open with a big playful flirt, something like “Hey baby, you were smokin’ out there on the dance floor! Very nice, I love that _____ look (mention something unique about her look), it’s great.” This delivery should be big and grand and done with a laughing, joking demeanor. A meek little “Hi my name is Joe…” approach here will be ignored. You’re invisible giving off this little energy.
2) Watch her eyes! If you get good eye contact and she picks up your flirt you have a shot. If she won’t meet your eye, then bail-out and save yourself. She’s a queen who’s not interested in you, for whatever reason. Pushing further will only draw a firmer rejection. So you have to sort through them fast in this environment because a lot of them are just out shitting around with girlfriends and ego-tripping on all the guys hitting on them or staring and drooling. Many have boyfriends. Women will usually make this sort of grading determination about a man (hot-or-not) in about 3 minutes — in the real world. In “club reality” you probably have a minute or less.
3) Everything is time-compressed in a nightclub, there’s no getting phone numbers or having long, pleasant conversations here. It’s all about ACTION and moving and dancing. You have to seem like a player and not a wallflower or you become background noise that gets ignored. Move around, talk up lots of women, dance. When women are in motion their juices are flowing and the men appear sexier and more appealing to them. That’s why guys often end up doing it right out in the parking lots with these chicks – time compression means cutting right to the chase lots of times. This is not a venue to meet people for later dating, it’s about TONIGHT! What happens tonight. Lots of touching, flirting, sexual innuendo are in order. The women are there to get buzzed up and excited and possibly have some kind of adventure tonight – not to meet nice guys.
In essense, the motives of women in nightclubs is different than that of the men, who are basically trying to get some action that night. On the other hand, many of the women are perfectly happy to tease the men and enjoy all the slobbering male attention — and that’s the extent of it. They drink this psychological goo up like sweet honey – and the more determined they are to make a spectacle of themselves the more certain you can be this is what they’re probably all about. Only the top players who are deep into the culture have a shot at these type of airheads.
Outside the club these same girls can sport completely different personalities – which is why I say it’s best to try and meet them where they least expect it in everyday life. Of course, the attraction of the club scene is that the chicks are concentrated in one big pile for you to ogle and hit on – whereas the opportunities are certainly far fewer and of a lower quality in real life. For those of you with limited patience or who feel that there aren’t enough opportunities available in your daily life to effectively meet anyone worthwhile, then the nightclubs are probably your better option. Just understand these major differences and adapt to them. If you can’t get into the hoppin’ and boppin’, high-energy aspect of it, then maybe those quieter corner bars might be a better bet for a personality such as yourself where you can take a more cerebral approach to meeting someone.
However, if you can learn to shift gears and take on a “club-face”… dance, circulate around, become a recognized face, and especially get gossiped about by the women, then you can do well in this environment. It can be tough for introverts, but if you want to play in this arena then you have to train yourself for this style of game, just like an athletic event.
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