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Tag: toxic shame

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by on Dec.08, 2010, under Announcements

radio interview with Mike Buy Flagyl Without Prescription, Just a quick note today about that radio interview I did last Thursday with Mike Trojan (from Advanced Macking) on BlogTalkRadio.com, which I figured you might be interested in listening to a re-play of:


http://bit.ly/fNLKIF


This is a 1 hour and 15 minute discussion where we discussed all sorts of topics generally drawn from my PUA philosophy and my books.  I'm sure you'll find something in there of interest that could help your game out, and especially your mindset when it comes to dealing with fear of rejection.  Mike and I are probably going to be doing these internet radio shows once a month or so as a regular thing.  The idea is for me to select chapters from my books and audios and go over them in greater detail.  It's a back-and-forth freestyle format, so there's no way to know exactly what I'll end up talking about for sure, but it should all be quite interesting.


When you listen to this first program make sure to turn up your speakers a bit as I noticed my volume was low in some spots, I'll have to remember to hold the phone closer to my face when I speak from now on -- I'm still a rookie at doing radio interviews I guess...  ;-)

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by on Jul.31, 2010, under General Thoughts

The hidden secret behind all your social awkwardness and inability to connect or find love could be due to a thinking distortion known as Toxic Shame


toxic shameLittle Bobby is 2 years old.  He likes to run around the house naked -- laughing and screaming with joy as his parents chase him from room to room with the camcorder.  They tell him to Buy Armour Without Prescription, "quit showing everybody that silly poo-poo bottom....", but they think it's hysterical and do nothing to stop it.  Why should they?  Dashing around butt naked is appropriate, healthy behavior for a 2 year old who's just discovered the most delightful means of coordinating the rapid movement of his legs in such a way that he can now run!... Buying Armour online over the counter, (an absolutely transcendent advancement over mere walking, which was last month's big achievement).  Being without clothing is no big deal either, Armour mg, Armour samples, of course -- as long as it's not too cold in the house.  Life is good.  Life is magical...

A year later Bobby is 3, Armour alternatives, Armour over the counter, and grandma is visiting.  Bobby decides to run out of the bathroom after his bath and surprise grandma... make her laugh and be silly.  But today it's Bobby who's in for the surprise, order Armour from mexican pharmacy, Armour wiki, because when grandma sees him running towards her au naturel with his ding dong happily bouncing around, she gets an angry look on her face which stops him cold.  She scolds him, Armour images, Armour from mexico, "Shame on you Bobby, go put some clothes on!".  Bobby is confused.  Mom and dad never said anything like that to him.  They never yelled at Bobby for being a silly poo-poo head.  As far as he was concerned, buy cheap Armour, Japan, craiglist, ebay, overseas, paypal, there was no real difference between wearing clothes and not wearing them anyway, right, buy Armour from canada. Armour used for, So what's wrong with grandma anyway?  Why is she making Bobby feel so bad about being naked all of a sudden?  "You shouldn't run around like that, it's not right..." grandma scolds.  Bobby looks to his parents, after Armour, Armour dangers, moving around in the kitchen getting dinner ready, for some support.  "Mom?" he asks quizzically.  But now both his parents have funny looks on their faces too, buy cheap Armour no rx, Armour steet value, adding to Bobby's dismay.  Mom quickly grabs Bobby by the hand and takes him upstairs and gets him into his PJ's.  Now when he comes back, grandma is happy again.  But why?  What was the big deal about being naked, Armour from canada.

Soon, anytime Bobby thinks about running around the house naked, he gets a funny, uncomfortable feeling inside of him that he doesn't like.  This strange bad feeling goes away if he puts his clothes back on.  And he would never, ever dream of running around the house naked in front of grandma again.., Buy Armour Without Prescription. Armour dosage, that's for sure!

Soon, he won't be comfortable doing it in front of his parents either, low dose Armour, Armour recreational, and they seem to be okay with that.  They never want to play 'chase my poo-poo bottom with the camcorder' any more anyway.  Oh well...

Welcome to Behavioral Modification 101.


This is of course a very common story that every parent has faced at some point in their children's development, Armour brand name, Purchase Armour, seemingly straightforward... but do you see what really just happened here?  Little Bobby has just learned to associate the emotion of SHAME with the act of being naked in front of others.  In the coming years, Armour no prescription, Armour without prescription, he will also learn that it's shameful to touch himself "down there" in public, nor to let anyone look at him when he's in the bathroom on the toilet, purchase Armour online no prescription, Taking Armour, and then even in the bathtub.  Things are sure becoming different around here.

Now, buy Armour online no prescription, Purchase Armour for sale, Bobby's new sense of modesty certainly may not be considered anything close to being toxic, but he'll have plenty of opportunity for that to happen as the years roll by.  The development of a sense of shame is normal and healthy when it serves to set appropriate boundaries for our actions at various stages in our evolution from toddler to adult.  Shame endows our flowering sense of ego-dominated identity with a certain humility that guides our interactions with other individuals.  It helps us learn to take on more and more responsibility for our actions by slowly becoming aware of how they affect everyone else around us.  We discover empathy in this way, get Armour.

It's important to understand that the mechanism of shame is mainly one of association Buy Armour Without Prescription, , that is, we learn to associate the unpleasant sensation of being ashamed with behaviors that society wishes for us to control or suppress in some way.  Shame is commonly wielded by parents to control the behavior of adolescents, but it is most certainly used against adults as well.  Morals and values and the boundaries of acceptable public and private behavior are all "taught" to us by way of inducing shameful experiences at some point in our lives in order to make them "sink in". Armour from canadian pharmacy, To a certain extent this is okay, but the deadly vise-grip of deeply internalized shame can become stifling over time and fully degenerate into a form known as toxic. Toxic shame occurs when we are exposed – either physically or emotionally – in a way that repeatedly diminishes us in the presence of others, Armour cost, Where to buy Armour, and especially in situations where we are not prepared to experience such an exposure.

How pervasive are the effects of toxic shame.


Well, Armour australia, uk, us, usa, Order Armour no prescription, humiliation is an extreme form of toxic shame that is so awful, men will put their lives in jeopardy in order to avoid experiencing it or to avenge it.  Physical violence and murders routinely are committed due to violations of shame boundaries.  Emotionally rigid cultures like the Japanese partake in a form of ritual suicide called hara-kiri to absolve themselves of toxic shame or the so-called "loss of face".., purchase Armour online. Armour photos, choosing the extreme action killing oneself to restore honor to themselves and their family name -- rather than continuing to live a "faceless" existence.  And most devastating of all, almost every form of addictive behavior has its roots in the desperate need of the afflicted individual to escape from an overwhelming sense of shame that he or she feels has completely consumed them, Armour class. Cheap Armour, You see, it's when shame begins to exceed its normal function within our minds, where can i buy Armour online, i.e. to provide us with a sense of humility that grounds our identity somewhere between God and the lower beasts, that it begins to create problems.  Usually this happens either through some unrelenting source (i.e., constant harassment by parent or peers), or by way of an isolated or even continuous traumatic event.  Such repeated shaming events re-enforce themselves over and over and can continue to haunt us for a lifetime, Buy Armour Without Prescription.

Toxic Shame kneels before the mighty power of Self Compassion


The most powerful counter force to toxic shame is Self-Compassion and Self-Awareness. Part of the dysfunction of shame is manifested in a tendency for us to be way too hard on ourselves -- continuing the desire for self-punishment... taking up the mantle of past tormentors.  Just knowing about the effects of shame and becoming aware of how it might be pervasive in out lives is a powerful tool for its' eventual destruction.  That's because one of the great strengths of an over-inflated sense of shame has to do with it's stealth.  The fact that you don't comprehend how deeply it's affecting you allows it to continue to operate unchecked within your mind, silently creating shyness or rage or depression or all manner of other emotionally addictive-type behaviors that could be ruining your life.

This is why we always seek the safe harbor self-awareness: because simply being aware of these hidden subconscious monsters and what they are doing to us drags them out into the bright light of our logical and rational consciousness... where they will often burn up under the heat of reason like vampires in the sunlight.  You can begin your own journey to freedom by doing the self-examination and inner work that will lead you to this elevated state of self-awareness.  Once you are able to "step outside yourself" and see yourself and your deepest motivations from a larger and more objective viewpoint, you will be firmly on the road to self-discovery and permanent inner healing from all the accumulated effects of toxic shame..

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Reglan For Sale

by on Jul.27, 2010, under General Thoughts

Most of us men know all too well that horrible moment of love shyness when we're steeling ourselves to "spring the question" on some girl at work or school Reglan For Sale, and ask her out on a date.


love shynessOur heart races and our throat tightens as the moment where we are about to test our love shyness approaches -- and we begin desperately trying to talk ourselves out of it: "she won't say yes, buy Reglan without a prescription, Reglan without a prescription, it's impossible... she's got a boyfriend.., Reglan blogs. Reglan pharmacy, she's got exams coming up, she's way too busy, where can i order Reglan without prescription, Is Reglan addictive, she's out of my league...". Sort of comical I suppose, but disturbing nonetheless, what is Reglan. Herbal Reglan, This anxious reaction in guys facing this sort of situation is more common than you might imagine.  Unfortunately, that doesn't make it any easier to live through for some of us.  After all, cheap Reglan no rx, Buy Reglan without a prescription, you are preparing yourself to stand psychologically "naked" before some girl and expose your (possibly shame-bound) love shyness to her.  So some level of fear must be normal, you would think, Reglan class, Effects of Reglan, right?  But THIS intense?  So terrifying that I can't speak or even MOVE?!

So the real question is this: how do you distinguish between the common and quite rational fear of being rejected by a woman, and the more complex issue of chronic love shyness?.., Reglan online cod.

Here's a little test: do you find it's impossible to engage a woman with romantic intent even when she's sending you "GO" signals all over the place with obvious body language cues, or unmistakable flirtatious behavior?  If she's making it so perfectly clear that she's NOT going to reject you, then what's there to be afraid of, Reglan For Sale. Reglan use, Well, what you could be afraid of is revealing to her your very secretly shamed need for affection -- which I believe is the basis of all love shyness in men.  At some point in your life you were made to feel ashamed whenever you expressed a desire for love and affection, buy Reglan online no prescription, Reglan results, and it caused this very basic (and normal) human desire to become shame-bound. In other words, it became linked to the sensation of shame so that you could not experience one without feeling the other along with it, Reglan pharmacy. Reglan dangers,

A shamed emotion is perceived as painful, alien and strange -- and therefore must always be kept hidden from view of others, purchase Reglan. What is Reglan, Shame like this can become so overwhelming that it becomes known as toxic.

Now sometimes the misery of shame-induced love shyness can be temporarily suppressed with the use of drugs, food or alcohol.  This is the reason people become deeply addicted: because focus on the addictive behavior allows them distraction from the underlying pain, buy cheap Reglan no rx, Where can i find Reglan online, as well as creating some degree of freedom to experience the emotion shamelessly for awhile.  Think of how YOU act when you get too drunk or high.  Your love shyness probably goes right out the window. Do you end up pawing at every girl in sight?  That's because the emotion we most often seek to express when uninhibited by drugs is the one which is the most tightly bound by shame when sober.

The Mechanics of Love Shyness


The first thing that you need to understand insofar as turning this situation around for yourself is that knowledge is power, cheap Reglan no rx. Simply having your eyes opened to the nature of love shyness and how it has been adversely affecting your life can become a powerful tool for dismantling it.  Knowing and understanding that your shame-bound emotions are something that was done TO Reglan For Sale, you, and is not really YOU (i.e. Cheap Reglan, an permanent aspect of your personality) is an enormous revelation in itself... one that holds vast potential for jump-starting your personal growth almost immediately, order Reglan online overnight delivery no prescription. Order Reglan from mexican pharmacy, A second weapon you should have in your arsenal to combat love shyness is what psychologists call desensitization.  This idea makes use of the natural tenancy of the mind to adapt to anything after a while and become bored with it.  What bores us becomes psychologically invisible and eventually gets taken for granted, and when that happens the emotion in question loses its potential to generate any kind of strong response within us, Reglan steet value, Reglan duration, either good or bad.  I mean, an event or experience that provokes no emotion is the very definition of boring, Reglan description, Online buying Reglan hcl, right.

So how do we turn an intense fear of rejection or love shyness into something that actually bores us?  Try this experiment in personal growth (and mind-over-matter) for yourself: next time you have an opportunity to talk to an attractive woman, Reglan from mexico, Reglan pics, even in some non-romantic situation (like work or school), begin to think about asking her out on a date. Really try to do this seriously and not just as a joke in your own mind.  You're REALLY going to ask her out in five more seconds and reveal to her your shameful need for affection by blushing like a five year old.  Yikes!

If you can do this mental exercise with the sort of intense focus that makes it real within your consciousness, Reglan cost, Reglan interactions, to deliberately trigger your love shyness on demand, you should begin to feel that familiar fear begin to swell in your chest and choke your throat closed.  Now you're getting it!

Now here's the important part: try to HOLD yourself in this uncomfortable state for as long as you can before you excuse yourself and slip away.  Make your retreat calm and sociable and with good humor... don't just bolt away in a 'love shyness panic' to the nearest john and start puking, Reglan mg. Relax, no one knows what's going on inside your head except you.  This is the important 'inner work' of self-change and personal growth that you are now undertaking, Reglan For Sale. Doses Reglan work, The trick now becomes to repeat these "near-shame approaches" as often as you can find the opportunity to do so in order for the desensitization to really begin to take effect.  You should push yourself a little closer to opening your mouth and actually speaking the terrifying words "...would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?..." in order to provoke those feelings of intense fear and love shyness that normally haunt you.  By raising the psychological bar like this one small but significant notch at a time, you are slowly making it more and more difficult for the love shyness to take over and set off all those humiliating physical anxiety reactions that you hate so much.., where can i order Reglan without prescription. Buy no prescription Reglan online, things like sweating, nervousness, Reglan dose, Reglan australia, uk, us, usa, the squeaky little-kid voice, etc.

Keep this self-restructuring process up for several weeks at least -- just whenever you can manage to run a mentally-simulated "approach".  In essence what you're doing is toying with your love shyness now... poking and teasing it by deliberately getting close to performing the frightening activity that draws the shameful feelings up out of where they hide deep within your unconscious mind, and forcing them to run their love shy routine for you on demand.

What will happen is that the feelings of love shyness will begin to exhaust Reglan For Sale, themselves after a while -- especially if you stay determined and keep "false-alarming" them regularly whenever possible.  Each time there will be some degree of mental discomfort to suffer through, and that's good!  The amazing magic starts to become apparent when, after a while, you find that you have to keep getting closer and closer to the edge of actually speaking the words before you can get the fear to bubble up inside your gut.

Now you're beginning to cripple your love shyness and diminish it!


Each time that you drag these fearful feelings up it's like using mental sandpaper to scratch them down to a smaller and smaller nub.  With such frequent and repeated "sanding" your despised veneer of love shyness will soon become thinner and less powerful in its grip over you.  One day you'll find that you can actually go right through the entire routine FOR REAL and ask a girl out on a real date... and without hardly feeling any nervousness about it in the least!

I know that caught in the grip of your love shyness right now this may all seem impossible to conceive of even as you are reading this... but the techniques of desensitization DO work wonders.  They are commonly used by psychotherapists everywhere to cure seriously anxious people of some very strong phobias, such as a pathological fear of flying, leaving the safety of their home, driving across tall bridges, etc.  So you can surely do this with a "lightweight" phobia such as fear of rejection or love shyness without much help beyond your own determination and by using the techniques that I just showed you.

Your defeated love shyness will simply give up and go away before long, too exhausted to torment you any longer.

If you find the topic of love shyness interesting, you will also want to read this post I wrote about shy people.

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