Tag: social anxiety
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by Mike Pilinski on Jul.31, 2010, under General Thoughts
The hidden secret behind all your social awkwardness and inability to connect or find love could be due to a thinking distortion known as Toxic Shame
Little Bobby is 2 years old. He likes to run around the house naked -- laughing and screaming with joy as his parents chase him from room to room with the camcorder. They tell him to Toradol For Sale, "quit showing everybody that silly poo-poo bottom....", but they think it's hysterical and do nothing to stop it. Why should they? Dashing around butt naked is appropriate, healthy behavior for a 2 year old who's just discovered the most delightful means of coordinating the rapid movement of his legs in such a way that he can now run!... Order Toradol from United States pharmacy, (an absolutely transcendent advancement over mere walking, which was last month's big achievement). Being without clothing is no big deal either, buy no prescription Toradol online, Buy generic Toradol, of course -- as long as it's not too cold in the house. Life is good. Life is magical...
A year later Bobby is 3, ordering Toradol online, Buy Toradol online cod, and grandma is visiting. Bobby decides to run out of the bathroom after his bath and surprise grandma... make her laugh and be silly. But today it's Bobby who's in for the surprise, Toradol trusted pharmacy reviews, Toradol description, because when grandma sees him running towards her au naturel with his ding dong happily bouncing around, she gets an angry look on her face which stops him cold. She scolds him, fast shipping Toradol, Where can i find Toradol online, "Shame on you Bobby, go put some clothes on!". Bobby is confused. Mom and dad never said anything like that to him. They never yelled at Bobby for being a silly poo-poo head. As far as he was concerned, comprar en línea Toradol, comprar Toradol baratos, Online buying Toradol hcl, there was no real difference between wearing clothes and not wearing them anyway, right, Toradol schedule. Toradol dose, So what's wrong with grandma anyway? Why is she making Bobby feel so bad about being naked all of a sudden? "You shouldn't run around like that, it's not right..." grandma scolds. Bobby looks to his parents, Toradol pictures, Toradol reviews, moving around in the kitchen getting dinner ready, for some support. "Mom?" he asks quizzically. But now both his parents have funny looks on their faces too, generic Toradol, Toradol online cod, adding to Bobby's dismay. Mom quickly grabs Bobby by the hand and takes him upstairs and gets him into his PJ's. Now when he comes back, grandma is happy again. But why? What was the big deal about being naked, real brand Toradol online.
Soon, anytime Bobby thinks about running around the house naked, he gets a funny, uncomfortable feeling inside of him that he doesn't like. This strange bad feeling goes away if he puts his clothes back on. And he would never, ever dream of running around the house naked in front of grandma again.., Toradol For Sale. Doses Toradol work, that's for sure!
Soon, he won't be comfortable doing it in front of his parents either, australia, uk, us, usa, Rx free Toradol, and they seem to be okay with that. They never want to play 'chase my poo-poo bottom with the camcorder' any more anyway. Oh well...
Welcome to Behavioral Modification 101.
This is of course a very common story that every parent has faced at some point in their children's development, buy Toradol from mexico, Order Toradol online c.o.d, seemingly straightforward... but do you see what really just happened here? Little Bobby has just learned to associate the emotion of SHAME with the act of being naked in front of others. In the coming years, Toradol price, coupon, About Toradol, he will also learn that it's shameful to touch himself "down there" in public, nor to let anyone look at him when he's in the bathroom on the toilet, online buy Toradol without a prescription, Toradol use, and then even in the bathtub. Things are sure becoming different around here.
Now, Toradol street price, Where can i buy cheapest Toradol online, Bobby's new sense of modesty certainly may not be considered anything close to being toxic, but he'll have plenty of opportunity for that to happen as the years roll by. The development of a sense of shame is normal and healthy when it serves to set appropriate boundaries for our actions at various stages in our evolution from toddler to adult. Shame endows our flowering sense of ego-dominated identity with a certain humility that guides our interactions with other individuals. It helps us learn to take on more and more responsibility for our actions by slowly becoming aware of how they affect everyone else around us. We discover empathy in this way, Toradol forum.
It's important to understand that the mechanism of shame is mainly one of association Toradol For Sale, , that is, we learn to associate the unpleasant sensation of being ashamed with behaviors that society wishes for us to control or suppress in some way. Shame is commonly wielded by parents to control the behavior of adolescents, but it is most certainly used against adults as well. Morals and values and the boundaries of acceptable public and private behavior are all "taught" to us by way of inducing shameful experiences at some point in our lives in order to make them "sink in". Is Toradol safe, To a certain extent this is okay, but the deadly vise-grip of deeply internalized shame can become stifling over time and fully degenerate into a form known as toxic. Toxic shame occurs when we are exposed – either physically or emotionally – in a way that repeatedly diminishes us in the presence of others, Toradol maximum dosage, No prescription Toradol online, and especially in situations where we are not prepared to experience such an exposure.
How pervasive are the effects of toxic shame.
Well, where can i cheapest Toradol online, Toradol overnight, humiliation is an extreme form of toxic shame that is so awful, men will put their lives in jeopardy in order to avoid experiencing it or to avenge it. Physical violence and murders routinely are committed due to violations of shame boundaries. Emotionally rigid cultures like the Japanese partake in a form of ritual suicide called hara-kiri to absolve themselves of toxic shame or the so-called "loss of face".., Toradol no rx. Toradol price, choosing the extreme action killing oneself to restore honor to themselves and their family name -- rather than continuing to live a "faceless" existence. And most devastating of all, almost every form of addictive behavior has its roots in the desperate need of the afflicted individual to escape from an overwhelming sense of shame that he or she feels has completely consumed them, effects of Toradol. Toradol interactions, You see, it's when shame begins to exceed its normal function within our minds, Toradol coupon, i.e. to provide us with a sense of humility that grounds our identity somewhere between God and the lower beasts, that it begins to create problems. Usually this happens either through some unrelenting source (i.e., constant harassment by parent or peers), or by way of an isolated or even continuous traumatic event. Such repeated shaming events re-enforce themselves over and over and can continue to haunt us for a lifetime, Toradol For Sale.
Toxic Shame kneels before the mighty power of Self Compassion
The most powerful counter force to toxic shame is Self-Compassion and Self-Awareness. Part of the dysfunction of shame is manifested in a tendency for us to be way too hard on ourselves -- continuing the desire for self-punishment... taking up the mantle of past tormentors. Just knowing about the effects of shame and becoming aware of how it might be pervasive in out lives is a powerful tool for its' eventual destruction. That's because one of the great strengths of an over-inflated sense of shame has to do with it's stealth. The fact that you don't comprehend how deeply it's affecting you allows it to continue to operate unchecked within your mind, silently creating shyness or rage or depression or all manner of other emotionally addictive-type behaviors that could be ruining your life.
This is why we always seek the safe harbor self-awareness: because simply being aware of these hidden subconscious monsters and what they are doing to us drags them out into the bright light of our logical and rational consciousness... where they will often burn up under the heat of reason like vampires in the sunlight. You can begin your own journey to freedom by doing the self-examination and inner work that will lead you to this elevated state of self-awareness. Once you are able to "step outside yourself" and see yourself and your deepest motivations from a larger and more objective viewpoint, you will be firmly on the road to self-discovery and permanent inner healing from all the accumulated effects of toxic shame..
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Reglan For Sale
by Mike Pilinski on Jul.20, 2010, under General Thoughts
For guys especially shyness can be socially devastating because it makes it virtually impossible for you to make that first 'revealing move' around women.
Reglan For Sale, You know what I mean?... Buy Reglan without a prescription, the sort of action that can signal your possible romantic interest in her. This puts you at a major disadvantage on the romantic playing field because, if you are always "turtling-up" into this ego-protective mode, Reglan without a prescription, Reglan blogs, then you are certainly not connecting with anyone.
Let's talk about what it means to be a shy person and why having this moniker hung on you can be a heavy personal burden to bear. Shyness in general, Reglan pharmacy, Where can i order Reglan without prescription, and especially in youngsters, is a cautionary reaction designed to make you 'freeze up' in a sort of protective instinct that goes something like this: "If I just stand here, is Reglan addictive, What is Reglan, say nothing and remain invisible, then no harm will come to me..." Now for a kid, herbal Reglan, Cheap Reglan no rx, this might make sense. Unfortunately, this sort of reflexive tendency to lock-up around unfamiliar people or situations can persist into adulthood as a nasty bad habit, buy Reglan without a prescription, Reglan class, and that's when it becomes trouble.
That said, effects of Reglan, Reglan online cod, here are 7 key pointers about becoming more social that every shy person should thoroughly understand:
1) While shyness can sometimes be considered "cute" in women it is absolutely deadly for men. Here's why: because appearing or acting shy is a bright red signal flare of low male status. It's an indication that you have been 'put in your place' by the other men in your world -- that they have cowered and bossed and mocked you into submission, and now it makes itself visible for all to see in your shy behavior.., Reglan use. Buy Reglan online no prescription, Now perhaps you've been able to create an aura of accomplishment and respectability around yourself in your professional (non-romantic) life that gives you some shielding from the worst of your shyness -- but these defenses quickly lose their power when it comes to being judged worthy of romantic possibility by women. Females have a unique power to pierce and destroy the pretenses established at great cost and effort by men -- and it's the thought of coming face-to-face with this awesome power from which a lot of your rejection-fearing shyness probably arises in the first place.
2) Most people actually HATE being around a shy person. Why? Because demonstrating shyness has the effect of causing many people's OWN latent shy feelings to come bubbling up to the surface (and everyone has a little bit of shyness lurking in them somewhere for this to play on...). "He's always acting so shy, he starts to make ME feel shy.., Reglan For Sale. I hate that!" What you are doing is (unwittingly) engaging in a subtle psychological practice called MODELING. When we model certain actions and behaviors in front of others they tend to unconsciously pick them up and mimic them, Reglan results, Reglan pharmacy, especially if there's a wall of formality still existing between people (i.e., total strangers) and therefore a bit of nervousness involved in their behaviors towards one another, Reglan dangers. Purchase Reglan, Test this out for yourself: next time you are face-to-face with someone and you both have drinks in front of you for instance, watch how many times you can pick up your drink, what is Reglan, Buy cheap Reglan no rx, or toy with the straw or something, and the other person will almost immediately begin doing the exact same thing without even thinking about it. That's modeling! Now if you are aware of what you're doing and purposeful in your actions, where can i find Reglan online, Cheap Reglan no rx, it's possible to have people copying your behaviors and attitudes all over the place. These are actually common politician's and salesman's tricks that you can borrow and use to your advantage if you, again, cheap Reglan, Order Reglan online overnight delivery no prescription, are purposeful and can practice living outside of your own head a little bit.
3) Roll over all small embarrassments and make nothing of them. Much of your shyness has to do with being too inwardly-directed -- simply meaning that you tend to dwell too much on what's going on inside your own "thought cloud" rather than being fully engaged within your surrounding environment. The typical shy person has a tendency to assign too much importance to every little thing that he does or every little move that he makes. Stop this right now by getting out of your head in any way that you can manage to do so. Focus more on modeling and controlling your "puppets" if you must!
4) Stop obsessing over every little thing that you might feel like saying -- essentially pre-editing yourself out of many good conversations before they can even begin! I used to do this all the time: pre-judging and PRE-REJECTING everything that I was about to say before the words ever made it out of me. You feel like others are constantly judging your thoughts and ideas every second of the day, order Reglan from mexican pharmacy, Reglan steet value, and this kind of intense scrutiny -- imaginary or not -- is difficult to hold up under. It's little wonder that you are reluctant to speak up! I think this is why introverts find people to be more a source of stress to them rather than of comfort. It's also one of the major reasons why being social may feel like such a chore for you, when it can often seem like such a breeze to most everyone else, Reglan duration. Reglan description, The sad part is that the entire underlying dynamic causing this pre-rejecting response (i.e., the intense scrutiny of others) doesn't even exist in actuality. It's entirely in your mind for the most part, online buying Reglan hcl, Reglan from mexico, and you are merely projecting all this garbage onto others and seeing what really isn't there. Reglan For Sale, This is a form of paranoia, but it's also a form of arrogance as well. Arrogance? That's right: after all, what makes YOU so special that everyone is always watching YOU and everything that you are doing all the time? Why do YOU deserve such constant observation? Well you don't, and you aren't getting any! This is all what's known as 'magical thinking', and it's an error in cognition that you need to address and overcome.
5) Shyness is a distortion of our natural sense of shame -- which has gone off the rails and become associated with emotions that are not inherently shameful. Shame is the master controller emotion of the entire human race and has been used as such throughout history. It is wielded as a psychological bludgeon by societies, Reglan pics, Reglan cost, parents, religions (they are experts!...) and almost every other sort of collective gathering of people to steer individual behaviors towards some commonly accepted norm. Most of us would not walk around naked in public for instance, Reglan interactions, Reglan mg, because we would be ashamed to do so.
But do we have some sort of natural instinct that makes us feel weird and uncomfortable about walking around publicly naked? Not necessarily, doses Reglan work, Where can i order Reglan without prescription, we were TAUGHT at some young age to keep our clothes on and our private parts covered around others by our parents. This was a "rule" they imposed at some appropriate moment, and they likely had to make us feel ashamed about our nakedness at some point in our development in order to get us to comply with this rule. Once scolded and "embarrassed" about it, buy no prescription Reglan online, Reglan dose, our desire to be naked in public then became shame bound -- that is, the feeling of shame was successfully linked to this idea of wanton exhibitionism in order to inhibit the desire. It therefore became impossible to experience this desire without feeling ashamed about it, Reglan australia, uk, us, usa. The two sensations became tightly linked (bound) at the deepest levels of our consciousness.
When shame becomes associated or "bound" to the wrong sorts of emotions however (like our natural human need to feel affection for instance) it can make us unable to experience these particular emotions in the absence of the shame. And because shame is so uncomfortable to experience, we will usually seek to maneuver clear of this psychic pain by avoiding whatever stimulus threatens to trigger it off. We "shy" away from such stimuli. Socializing with other people (and especially in a potentially romantic context) can unleash a Pandora's Box of different emotions. This is normal. However, if any of these critical emotions have become shame-bound at some point along the way, then they cannot be experienced without the associated torment of shame being present as well. Thus, we are made to suffer adult shyness in this sad and maddening way, Reglan For Sale.
Shame that has gotten itself twisted around our normal emotions where it doesn't belong is known as toxic. This is a large and complex subject that I talk about in my books and is really beyond the scope of this short article. Suffice to say that toxic shame is the basis of almost every sort of addictive behavior that you can imagine -- from alcohol to overeating, rage, sadness, hard drugs like cocaine or even obsessive work-aholism. That's because we have a powerful urge to escape from shame's poisonous effects in whatever way that we can. Certain things must therefore be made off limits to us and cannot be experienced as they should be. Our spirit becomes strangled over time, and we seek to nullify this chronic pain with the distractions of our addictions.
6) Discover the power of self-compassion to overcome chronic shame and self-hatred. Shy people are often so mentally tough on themselves that it's no wonder they constantly act as though they've been cowered into submission. They have been: by an internal cognitive monster called the Tyrannical Conscience.
Ask yourself this: who else do you HATE so badly that you would wish the same kind of monster to enter their brain and torture them as relentlessly as you torture yourself with thoughts of fear, uncertainty and inadequacy? What?... you say that no one else deserves such cruel treatment? Only you? Well now there's that good ol' arrogance again... this idea that only YOU can be held to such high, God-like standards of performance to which you repeatedly fail to measure up (and therefore must be made to feel ashamed about). Everyone else (all those lower class beings?...) get a pass I guess. They get compassion, but not you. Shame can create such thinking distortions known as grandiosity -- what John Bradshaw in his great book "Healing The Shame That Binds You" calls the Disabled Will.
7) Shyness in adults is learned behavior -- essentially a bad habit. This is actually good because it means that it is possible to completely reverse your shyness! Since the original fear which the shyness was designed to protect you against no longer exists, once the "back of your shyness is broken" it should not return.
Remember, it doesn't matter that you may have to "trick" yourself into getting started down the road to defeating your shyness, all that matters is the final RESULT. Actors and sports stars use similar mental tricks to get themselves up for a game or a performance, and no one gives them any grief about it. So why can't you do the same.
Your job as a recovering shy person is to first embrace this serious flaw in your thinking without fear and then move forward to correct it. No anger or regret, just strength of purpose. And lots of self-compassion for a change.
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Buy Modalert Without Prescription
by Mike Pilinski on Mar.24, 2010, under Reader Q&A
Buy Modalert Without Prescription, This is a question and answer exchange that I just had with one of my readers. It began as a question about traveling alone and turned into a screed on the topic of self-hatred, Modalert no prescription, which I have come to believe over the years to be a much bigger issue with guys seeking solutions for things like shyness and social dysfunction than many of us realize. To wit:
Hey Mike,
I've had some stuff twirling around in my head lately that I wanted to bounce off of you, having recently just turned 40, online Modalert without a prescription. I'm single again, Modalert from canadian pharmacy, having just broke up with my girlfriend (my decision). Not easy to do as she was a great girl, but I just seem to get bored in relationships like you, order Modalert online c.o.d. Also like you, Online buying Modalert, I got a late start in life on bedding women. Anyway, Buy Modalert Without Prescription. my question is a lifestyle type query.
I'm interested in your take on how a single guy should go about traveling and vacationing on his own.
This is becoming a real dilemma for me, being single at my age, ordering Modalert online. Not a lot of unmarried, Modalert interactions, single friends left to hang around with anymore. Last year I went by myself to the Dominican Republic -- not to a resort but to a town where all the girls are "pros" if you know what I mean. It was amazing what an ego boost it was.., Modalert pics. Buy Modalert Without Prescription, you'd of thunk that I was Brad Pitt or something. LOL...
Don't get me wrong, Modalert schedule, I realize that I'm only desirable in that type of situation because I'm perceived as having some sort of relative wealth -- a form of being an HSM I suppose. However, I seem to have a little bit of an issue with feeling like a loser doing this sort of thing.., online buy Modalert without a prescription. like a guy who can't get an ordinary American woman and so ultimately has to pay for it. Modalert photos, I know that some guys swear by this lifestyle and insist that some of these foreign women are much more sensuous and feminine than their spoiled American counterparts. I don't know...
Are these guys on to something, or are we all just acting like misogynistic LSM's who can't score American chicks?
I've thought about learning Spanish and maybe moving to Buenos Aires, Buy Modalert Without Prescription. Those Argentine women are hot. Sounds adventurous I know, order Modalert online overnight delivery no prescription, but I guess when I get to the bottom of it, Buy cheap Modalert no rx, I wonder if this isn't me just running away from my problems of low status and my inability to score lots of women here in the good ole U.S. of A?
Do you think I should I stick it out and try to achieve what ever status I can here at home, or is it okay to try and be a bigger fish in a smaller pond, doses Modalert work. I'd love to hear your take on this idea, Purchase Modalert for sale, I know it's not your specialty per se but I do value your perspective. Thanks again for your time!
Buy Modalert Without Prescription, Sincerely,
Mark
--
Hey Mark,
Good to hear from you again. About 3 years ago I went to Las Vegas for 5 days by myself and I didn't find that NOT having a companion with me was any sort of big detriment -- except maybe for going to certain sit-down type of restaurants where you might feel odd dining alone. You know how it is, what is Modalert, certain activities you can do by yourself and others are "couple" things that will make you feel uncomfortable. Modalert dosage, That's your only practical restriction really, and there are plenty of fast food joints where you can dine alone with a newspaper. Other than that I was fine seeing the sights, about Modalert, gambling, Modalert reviews, etc... all by myself, Buy Modalert Without Prescription.
Then again... certain activities are better done alone, buy Modalert online cod, WITHOUT the 'ole girlfriend tagging along. Modalert pictures, Things such as...
Well, I visited one of the nearby legal cathouses just outside Vegas on this trip because I always wanted to see what they were like, no prescription Modalert online. Buy Modalert Without Prescription, The experience was pretty surrealistic in fact... however, Modalert maximum dosage, a fun (but WAY too expensive...) time was had by all, especially me. And so what, generic Modalert. Did I break some kind of sacrosanct "HSM code" by paying for sex. Modalert brand name, And who cares if I did anyway.
This is the EXACT sort of attitude shift that you too will need to achieve in order to ultimately address your own internal doubts about this issue.
I believe that we accumulate an unwieldy library of these stupid, self-created "internal rules" over the course of a lifetime that eventually bind us up in a kind of mental strait jacket, Buy Modalert Without Prescription. Soon we can't even conceive of doing anything the simple way anymore without feeling guilty about it. Why?.., Modalert duration. because we "broke the rules". Modalert recreational, The precious rules... the rules that exist only within our own thick skulls.
Well I've found this network of rules to actually be a form of very subtle and sly self-hatred. Buy Modalert Without Prescription, Don't ask me why we do this to ourselves -- but the sooner you can recognize and chuck all this crap from your head the sooner you will become free to just let go and follow your heart wherever it may want to take you. And that's the real goal that you want to always be pursuing relentless in life, the goal of mental freedom.
Case in point about your desire to seek out women who might be vastly more easier to relate to than the typical ball-busting, buying Modalert online over the counter, judgmental American bitch... Cheap Modalert, the delightful product of 50 years of feminism. Certainly not like the girls dear old dad used to marry, that's for sure.., Modalert blogs. fresh out of high school with all that good home-ec training (cooking, Purchase Modalert online, baking, cleaning, housework), after Modalert. That right, they used to TRAIN women in high school how to be good supportive wives who graded their own self-worth by how well they treated their husbands, Buy Modalert Without Prescription. Even suggesting that this sort of thing might be anything less than total domestic-slavery-brainwashing will get you a swift kick in the balls nowadays, Where can i order Modalert without prescription, you MFn' pig.
You now desire to chuck this nasty USA scene and go looking for more "agreeable" women elsewhere, but your self-hating side quickly steps in and says: "hey forget it, Modalert trusted pharmacy reviews, that's cheating.... Modalert treatment, you have to try and meet women in the toughest environment possible or it doesn't count."
See, that's the central tenet and mode of operation of self-hatred: you must do everything the hardest way possible or it doesn't count. Note that other (lesser human) people can choose to take the easy way out and that's okay.., buy no prescription Modalert online. Buy Modalert Without Prescription, but not YOU -- you have to take the hardest route because you're special... you're superhuman. Buy Modalert no prescription, That's the Disabled Ego at work...
...Special tough rules define the special "tough" guy.
There's a great book to read that dives deep into this psychological phenomenon, Modalert online cod, it's called Compassion and Self-Hate: An Alternative to Despair by Theodore I. Rubin, Buy Modalert Without Prescription. Modalert from mexico, What we call "cheating" is in fact what a therapist knowledgeable in the mechanics of self hatred would call compassion.
Compassion.
For a moment, online buying Modalert hcl, just consider that entire galaxy of nasty internal rules that hold you back -- would you ever force them upon someone else. Someone you loved, like a son perhaps. Buy Modalert Without Prescription, No way. See how with others we feel free to express our compassion. But don't go looking for any such free passes inside your own head for yourself. Cheater.
Another example: I grew up Catholic, but my own self-hatred forced me to become an atheist for awhile because (I now understand) that faith is a form of compassion for oneself -- and of course such a thing is flat-out cheating because it violates The Big Mike Self-Hate Rule: that you can only believe what's demonstrable scientifically no matter how much it brings you down emotionally.
Logic is king, emotions are irrelevant (only superhuman rules apply to me, remember), and bending logic to assuage emotions is a crime against nature, Buy Modalert Without Prescription. Only overgrown babies (SUB-human's) run around expressing their faith you see, because they aren't strong enough mentally (like super me!) to face the scary facts of random existence and postmortem non-existence without anything to comfort them. It doesn't matter how you feel (emotions are irrelevant), you are a prisoner of the facts of the Universe as they reveal themselves, and trying to escape them via delusional thinking is weakness and therefore pathetic.
Cheating.
Now, this may be the sort of nonsense that we like to tell ourselves, but would we ever actually burden someone else with this same set of cold, inviolate rules -- perhaps even on their death bed. Buy Modalert Without Prescription, Or would we instead say: "let the guy find comfort in his faith, so what if none of it's actually proven. Who cares?" Of course this solution is never valid for you, just the other guy. We go easy on him but never on ourselves.
All this madness forms the nuts-and-bolts of self-hatred -- and it manifests itself in zillions of complicated and difficult to understand ways. It's just the way that "we are" (or so we think). But there is a hidden kernel of compassion locked away in everyone's heart and you need to find yours, Buy Modalert Without Prescription. Depression, disillusionment... these are all cries from deep within to be free of the self-hating monster that we created. Read that book if you can. The entire human race should read it. Buy Modalert Without Prescription, Anyway, this was a long-winded way of recommending that you dig out your own self-hating internal rules from under the mental rock where they hide and spray some compassion on them. Stop being so hard on yourself by worrying about hypothetical HSM-LSM issues etc. I recommend that you seek out your own happiness by whatever route you must take.
No one will ever ask how you got there or judge whether or not you "cheated" by failing to take the hardest road possible. Are you gonna get a medal for remaining true to your self hated. Where do they hand those baby's out, Buy Modalert Without Prescription. (I would look like one of those old Soviet generals if they did ;-)
Want to know the saddest part. In the end, I discovered that self-hatred is a complete a waste of time... because when you finally DO break the grip of those murderous rules YOU WON'T CARE IN THE LEAST! You'll see that nobody gives a damn about the exact trajectory of your life, but you. And if you won't even give yourself a break then there's no hope at all -- because everyone else is too tied-up wrestling with their own demons to worry about "saving you". You're sitting in the middle of the desert waiting for that ship to come in.
And man, this is the best wisdom that I can ever pass along to you. Take care buddy.
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