Tag: self confidence
Whenever a rookie straight out of college first begins playing in the National Football League, one of the first things that usually gives him trouble is adapting to the higher SPEED of the game. One extra second spent zig-zagging around behind the line of scrimmage looking for a large enough hole to waltz through, and those lightning-fast linebackers will be on you in a flash.
Look, only the cream of the college crop get drafted into the NFL every year. This means that, relative to college level teams anyway, every NFL team is an All Star Team. Even the crappiest.
Well, that’s a good analogy, because here’s something that a lot of guys don’t seem to get about the social nature of interacting with and seducing women: the speed of the game. Especially in the early moments.
What I mean is this: women for the most part generally know within 45-90 seconds of their first meeting with ANY guy whether or not he has any chance whatsoever to make hay with her romantically. THAT’S how snap their judgements of men can be. This is why you must understand how important first impressions are when it comes to capturing the romantic attention of women. Bungle a first impression and you could very well have an impossible mission ahead of you trying to recover.
Guys tend to think they have all sorts of time to slowly grind down a chick by hanging around and repeatedly making a “helpful” pest of himself, either at work or school or whatever. They believe that she’ll eventually break down and come to see how wonderful and lovable he is.
I’m telling you right now, FORGET that theory, it is not reality.
Whether it’s because women are just so haphazardly frivolous, or just so incredibly skilled at dissecting and deciphering the true intentions of men, is part of their feminine mystery. It’s probably a little of both. But the fact remains that for the most part “the game” with any particular woman is oftentimes won or lost within the first minute or two of meeting her. Read that again if you have to and drill it in, because it will sharpen your mindset when it comes to dealing with women.
To get a little scientific about it, this automatic screening process is called cognitive disregard – and once you have been placed into the “uninteresting-or-just-not-my-type” category in a woman’s mind (which can happen in seconds), you effectively become invisible to her and may as well not exist. At least in a romantic sense. If you have ever tried to force along a conversation with a woman who has made this judgement of you, and she refuses to even meet your eye while you talk, you have been cognitively disregarded my friend. Game over.
To prevent this from happening, you’ll always want to set yourself apart from the boring mass of men as much as possible in order to attract a woman’s attention and get her wheels turning. You can do this with your look, style, physique, general appearance, etc.) but these are only surface characteristics that will either re-enforce your juice in real time or kill it.
It is the total package of how you use your body, your facial expression, willingness to make and hold eye contact, etc., rather than what you actually talk to her about. That’s important: it’s not the content of an opening conversation, it’s the delivery.
As far as women are concerned, the key to a great first impression is demonstrating a bit of self-restraint or what I call personality balance. For instance, you always want to be a bit funny and show a sense of humor around women, but you don’t want to go overboard and become a full blown “jokin’ a-hole”. Know what I mean? Seem confident to whatever degree you can manage, but don’t act arrogant – that will only come off as phoney and maybe even ridiculous. (Simply convince yourself that you do this all the time and that it’s just another routine part of your life, flirting with cute girls, that is.)
Show off a bit of clever intelligence, but don’t come across as some kind of know-it-all dork who cynically dismisses everyone else’s “stupid” opinion at every turn. That’s obnoxious, not impressive. Show her that you’re ambitious and career-minded, but don’t make it sound like you’re an obsessed workaholic who has no life beyond your job or career. See what I mean here? Balance. It’s about walking the line between silly extremes to make yourself seem fun and normal. With just a touch of intrigue and mystery to boot.
This is the posture from which you can now ask for a date and have a reasonable chance of NOT being shot down. That’s rejection control!
Some more quick tips about how to make a positive first impression, even if you feel that your life is mostly mundane and uninteresting:
1) Don’t be completely dismissive about what you do for a living. In fact, think ahead and try to find some aspect of it to play up and make sound cool or unique. Remember, you want to draw her into your world, not scare her away with boredom! Therefore, you’re NOT a short-order cook… you’re a minimalist culinary artist. And someday you want to have your own restaurant. See? Sell her on your dreams!
2) Focus more on the people-centered aspect of your profession (which interests women) and less on the technical details (which usually bores them). For instance, if you’re a photographer, talk more about the interesting people that you’ve photographed and less about megapixels and f-stops.
3) Play up any and all of your future dreams for advancement in your field, or maybe even your ongoing pursuit of some new “dream” profession or idea. This shows that you have some genuine ambition for yourself and are not just resigned to remaining stuck wherever you currently happen to be in life. That turns women on. Like a well-developed character in a novel, you always want to paint your life experience as being rich and complex in order to hold her fascination… and maybe even get her to join in with your personal ’cause’ as well.
Finally, the most important thing to remember about meeting girls is that genuine “perfect chances” to meet someone really special are few and far between. So carpe diem my friend, as the old Romans used to say. Seize the day when those chances do occur.
And then conquer her!
Shyness is a silent killer. It prevents us from showing the people around us who we really are and hinders our social and love life. There are so many people around the world suffering from it every day, and yet we rarely talk about it at all. Probably because we are shy to talk about it.
There is only one way to escape this vicious circle and it is to stop being shy. Yes, it is an idea which should probably be listed in a dictionary of idioms as an example of the entry “easier said than done”, but on the other hand most, if not every single thing in the world is easier said than done, so why would this be any different?
Stating such an obvious fact as the one in the previous paragraph is hardly a reason enough to publish an article. Getting out of your comfort zone is, after all, something you know you should do. But how about this proposition: you do not need to be shy because you have no reason to.
“No reason?”, you ask in disbelief. Yes. No reason. Shyness is one of the most irrational human feelings ever to reach this stage of our evolution as a species. And here is why:
Shyness does not make you any better in the eyes of the people around you.
You think you sound stupid when you talk? Apart from the fact that this is most probably untrue, do you think that being silent in public will help your image? No it will not, of course, it will only make things worse. Your “funny” voice will not matter if you have something to add to the conversation. Your silence will most certainly be an overweight elephant in the room.
By Guest Writer
Why Women Put Guys in the Friend Zone
“I talk to plenty of girls but they all think I am just a friend…”
This is the frustration of a 17 year-old male who recently reached out to me for help. Truth is, we’ve all been put in the friendzone, and once we’ve been banished to this dreaded place, we stay there. Permanently. We think of ingenuous tactics to win her over… we count down the days ’til we confess our undying love. But deep in our minds, we know that this has no effect. She simply thinks of you as just a “friend”. She would be terribly uncomfortable if you made a move on her.
This problem is awfully commonplace. If I got a dollar every time someone said they were in the friendzone, I’d be a millionaire. And obviously, getting out is an uphill (and sometimes impossible) battle.
But for the sake of this post, let’s look at the reasons why she put you in the friendzone to begin with.
~ Guest Article by Frank Kermit ~
After all, a broken heart hurts, you could catch a sexually transmitted disease… You could end up ruining your life if you choose the wrong person… your financial situation could be massive destroyed through a nasty divorce. So why even try?
Well, I will give you three reasons:
1. Dating and relationships teach you about yourself. People have lots of theory about what they want in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of that theory is just that: theory. It is important to get as much relationship experience as you can so that you will learn about what you really can and cannot handle emotionally. This will give you the self-knowledge you will need to make a long-term relationship succeed when you get there.
You’re hanging out with your friends at the club, chatting around, laughing, not really caring about anything in particular. Then you slide over to the dance floor and start scanning the room a bit, and then there she is… dancing enticingly with her girlfriends. You make eye contact for an instant and think (hope!) for a moment that there could be a connection. She seem’s really amazing, and you suddenly want to know who she is…
Then the song ends and she turns to walk straight back in your direction. In a moment the crowd will have you both nearly pressed together. You try to open your mouth and say something cool, but a gripping fear keeps your voice choked off. You can’t think of anything “amazingly clever” to say that you think would rock her world (mistakenly believing that nothing less will do, thus placing way too much unnecessary pressure on yourself…), and so she just keeps on sliding by… and in moments she’s spun away and gone. Gone like a sexy phantom that never was. You had your chance and you blew it.