The High Status Male

When it comes to making love, women are generally more into the fantasy aspect of the erotic build-up than they are the simple thrill of getting undressed with someone they know and love (or maybe DON’T know and/or love) like most of us guys..  So how to make a girl erotic in a way that we really want her to be?  Well, enticing a woman to yield to your deepest and most secret desires requires that you gradually draw her into your worldview by making yourself into a unique High Value Lover, and then doing so again and again on a consistent basis until you secure her complete and total enchantment.  At that point, like it or not, she’s yours.

You weave this seductive magic by CUSTOMIZING each and every experience in bed for her based on some careful investigation on your part.  Great sex for most women can be defined as erotic in a way that she doesn’t consider inappropriately perverted with a man who has learned to deliver the goods in a way that she enjoys, time after time.  Imposing task?  Not necessarily.  Here’s a three step plan to help you navigate this special road into the erotic heart of any woman…

1) Search For Her Erotic Weaknesses

The first step is to figure out what sort of cheap sex tricks will send any particular girl into orbit.  How?…  Experiment!  Maybe she likes to be dirty-talked or verbally coaxed?  Perhaps she wants you to control her in some way?  Or maybe she wants to control YOU?  Try all sorts of things with her… spanking, tickling, toys, take some nasty pictures, do it out in the bushes, try some stuff in the shower, swap positions, etc.  Use your porno powers here that you’ve spent years (likely all by yourself) “cultivating”.  Some of this mayhem may turn her off, but there’s usually SOMETHING that will get a woman red-lining off the meter — and it’s your job to discover what that is and then learn how to play it like a fiddle!

If she refuses to go very much beyond plain vanilla missionary-style, then you may have run across a chick with low sex drive or other pressing issues on her mind that she feels must be more important.  Rather than be angry about it, count your blessings.  It’s fortunate to uncover such crucial knowledge of incompatibility about a partner as soon as possible because it will head off a ton of future misery.  Turning someone this sexually uninterested towards your more open-minded, erotically-experimental direction can be an impossible task.  I’ve always felt that the best sex occurs between two child-like adults, and by that I mean people who don’t take themselves too seriously.  At least not to the point where they feel sex has become “kid stuff” and somehow beneath their dignity.  People who’ve taken on too much responsibility in life are likely to end up this way by middle-age.  Just a warning.

Anyway, regular work between the sheets will eventually uncover where all her high water marks are located, and her limits as well.  Keep notes on what you’re doing to make a girl erotic and of her reactions to your experimental prodding — silly as this may sound.  After you fill a few pages of such notes, go back and search for clues.  Look for those things that she seems to enjoy the most and figure out a few clever ways to focus in on them.

Now you’re ready to lock her Heart up tight, and lock Yourself into the drivers’ seat!

2) Become Her “Drug” Based on that Weakness

Once you think you have some idea of what a woman’s erotic weaknesses could be (in the sense that she has an intense desire or  a “weakness” for certain sorts of positions, fetishes, fantasies, etc.) then you’re ready to zoom in on them, expand upon whatever they may be and make them more elaborate.  The idea is to become really good at delivering the best CUSTOM sexual experience that she’s ever had… and do so time after time.

If she wonders what the deal is with your sudden enthusiasm, just tell her that she makes you feel uninhibited like no woman ever has before.  This freaks many girls out because most women think that all guys are natural sex-fiends to some degree and don’t realize that it often takes someone SPECIAL to actually bring this quality out in them…

And for you, that person is HER!

Such an attempt to reach out and connect your soul with hers through raw physical pleasure makes a powerful impact that cannot be easily dismissed.  The rush of adrenaline that accompanies such feelings will serve to weld these unique moments deep into her unconscious mind.  And they will all be connected to YOU… you will always be “that guy” who did “that thing” the night you were both together at “that place”.  Now you’re beginning to see Romantic Enchantment in action!

3) Get Her Addicted to You

Look, most people pretty much wing it when it comes to sex – they know a few basic moves and make the rest up as they go along.  The fact that you have 1) studied your “prey” and determined what really turns her on, and 2) are making an effort to satisfy her in specific ways that tie into these revelations, will surely paint you as a totally different breed of cat.

And that’s good!

Before long you’ll be seen as a champion among all the men she’s known — and really, you’ll hardly have done anything all that amazing.  You’ll just be doing things with a little more purpose, direction and creativity than the average Joe.  That’s male seductive power in action.

While the task of enchanting a woman is mainly one of carefully feeding her thrills and absorbing her fears based on what you’ve learned from your study of her sexual proclivities, one warning however… never bust this illusion by announcing what you’re up to.  Don’t say, “I’m going to make you addicted to me!…”  For that matter, NEVER reveal that you’re actually seducing a woman either.  Once people begin to think they’re being manipulated they will throw up massive resistance.

Like a stage magician, a trick is only cool as long as you never reveal how it works.  If you show the audience how the string runs up your sleeve they’ll think ‘oh, that trick was easy’, and then suddenly the whole thing sucks.

As for technique, that’s simple… women just love for men to TALK IT UP in bed!

What exactly to say, what’s your angle?  Work up the not-so-obvious: tell her all the enticing stuff she longs to hear, but never ever expects to.  Tell an older woman that she’s TIGHT like a young chick.  Rave about a thick girl’s voluptuous body.  Tell a 25 year old she has a sultriness that belies her real age — one that makes her seem more like an experienced middle-aged seductress.  Mention to a skinny girl that her long arms make her look like a statue in an art museum, or that you absolutely LOVE the way that her shoulder blades form little angel wings.  Skinny girls often think they’re not all that sexy because they don’t have enough curves.  Not as far as YOU’RE concerned, though… you love it!

Notice the pattern here?…

No one wants to be themselves! Especially women: they all want to be younger or older or shaped differently or whatever… anything but plain old them!  This is why you need to think up a new TWIST every time that you make love to a girl — so it appears as if you are unraveling her bit-by-bit like a delicate flower, each layer more wonderful than the last!  And you are the very FIRST guy to ever see her in this way… as this fantasy creature that she never dared dream of being.  Only YOU can see through the ordinary and view the extraordinary in her!

Few women can resist this sort of lavish attention spilling forth from their lover… it’s intoxicating! This is how you make your girl more erotic and more fun in bed: by deliberate action rather than relying on dumb luck to steer you into the theoretical “right person” who just happens to have a sexual compatibility that matches your own.

You need to mold and shape the person that you’re already with into that right person through your deliberate actions.

This is also the way to establish a position of POWER for yourself in all your relationships — a way to have women “eating out of your hand” before very long.  This is not achieved with the vinegar of nagging and begging, but with the Honey of your presenting to her a rare and unique sensuality that she’s unlikely to ever find in the arms of any other man…

It’s all done by becoming her sweetest addiction!

Hello everyone, sorry I haven’t posted in a while… but I’ve been busy, busy cooking up a brand new online FREE Audio Training series that I’m sure you guys will find most useful.  Stay tuned for word on that in the coming weeks…

For now, just this quick announcement concerning the RE-release of my classic “Tome of the PUA Arts”: Without Embarrassment — which I am very pleased to be presenting to you today as a newly upgraded version… IN PRINT!

The books themselves look absolutely beautiful as expected: 6×9 glossy softcover, 300 pages and very professionally produced via Amazon.com’s CreateSpace print-on-demand system.  I’m very proud to be unveiling Without Embarrassment to the world once again in this classy format. E-books may be the future but hey, it’s nice to be able to kick back on the recliner now and then and get away from the computer with a good book!

Both Without Embarrassment and She’s Yours For The Taking are reasonably priced at $24.95 — and I set up a discount code for you to use in celebration of this mini- launch.  Simply go to my Createspace storefront…

…and type in the Discount Code: B9XALS5F at checkout to receive a 10% savings off the cover price!

(For you guys who have a One-Click already setup at Amazon and would rather buy directly through them, you can pull up the book listing right here)

(The discount code does NOT work through Amazon unfortunately.  But you’ve got both options to choose from.)

If you’d like to look over 10 or 15 pages selected at random from the e-book (which is EXACTLY the same content now as the printed book) you can read through some pages posted on the site.  Here’s the link for that (give this page a few seconds to load — these are screen-captured images off the Adobe Reader):

You may also wish to take a peek at the stack of TESTIMONIALS that have coming flying in here over the years for Without Embarrassment…

Finally, take a moment to pop back over to the main page and you’ll see that I’ve chopped the price of the 2 book Combo Pack (the e-book versions) all the way down to $27 bucks from $67 — which is a super-duper crazy Eddie type deal.  I’m now offering my 2 audio programs ‘Dealing With Your Fear of Rejection’ and ‘Kick Ass Confidence’ as separate upsell items for only an extra $10 bucks — which now gives you the option to add them to the books to create the complete “HSM Total Training Package!

Thanks again for all your great support and your inspiring words over the past decade — as always I deeply appreciate all of it!

P.S.  If you decide to order from Amazon.com please DO take a moment to come back after you’ve read the book and leave an honest review for me.  I need reviews!

As you fine readers of this blog may or may not know, my book Without Embarrassment has been around for quite some time now.  It was actually first published back in the internet stone age around October of 2002, where it was one of the first kids on the block in the sense of being one of the very first books to adopt the scary brave new world of online technology known as: the “e-book”.  Yes, e-books were just getting a toe-hold on the collective consciousness back then.  Everything about the Net was new and raw, and there was still this popular idyllic notion floating around that it was a scandalous thing to charge people money for your information.  To sell information was to cheapen it!

The early users of the internet imagined that it was going to be like some kind of cyber-version of an old hippie commune where people would all just peacefully co-exist and take care of each other, and there would be no conflict and you would live a simple but fulfilling life.  There would be no need for money or anything — everyone would just share everything and be cool about it.  No one would try to out-do anyone else.

Everybody would just play nice and be happy!  Right.

This was the early internet, if any of you missed it.  I remember people writing me nasty e-mails scolding me for charging an outrageous price ($24.95, or… $12.50 if you promised to write me a testimonial…) for an e-book.  NO eeeeeee-book should be priced more than $10.  Why? Because there’s nothing to ship! Or even print for that matter!  You fuckin’ crook!

Oh yeah, dems were the days.  Now many of you are hard to reach, lost in your tweets and crawling your Facebook walls.  That’s cool, things change.  If any of you out there have read either of my books and feel that they genuinely helped you get your head straight about women and your life, remember to give me a mention among your friends.  I appreciate it.

And we will all energize our positive karma man, just like on the commune. 

Anyway, this apparently senseless post you’re now reading is actually just a quick update concerning the impending re-release of my book Without Embarrassment in the coming week or so… in it’s second printed version!  Yes that’s right… as you may recall, WE was first published in print during early 2004 in response to a never-ending stream of requests from readers of the e-book who wanted something that they could highlight and re-read and bend the pages over and, well, just treat like a book.

For a variety or reasons though, I was never all that thrilled with some of the technical aspects of the print-on-demand process — which was very new at the time — and therefore didn’t push the books much.  All that has changed with the big improvements they’ve made in the POD field lately.

Especially with the recent softcover release of my second book She’s Yours For The Taking a few weeks ago, I feel much better about the technical quality of the print-on-demand, bookmaking process.  If you’ve seen SYFT in print I’m sure you’ll agree that the books look absolutely great.  Solid printing, easy to read, beautiful.  So I finally got of my duff and got Without Embarrassment re-formatted for printing.  This 2010 version is actually the latest re-write of the manuscript and now matches the current e-book version — which was re-written in spots and tightened up (shortened) by about 10,000 words back in 2008.

So in celebration of this milestone, I dug up a couple of the older covers that once graced Without Embarrassment — you may have seen these floating around the net.  The original island girl is still my favorite:

.

2006 Revision 5.0

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

First Printing 2004

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Original Release 2002

.

.

.

.

.

Guest Article by Gabrielle Moore
Author of “The Female Orgasm Revealed“

As a man of romantic value, there are dozens of magnificent and thrilling things that you can do to your lover which can make her blood absolutely BOIL with horniness.  Want to learn a few right now?

You might imagine that such an incredible secret of the feminine mystique must involve some sort of difficult new twisty-disty sexual position or kink, but really, it’s only about knowing where a woman’s hidden pleasure buttons can be found — and then knowing what sorts of physical and mental provocations can make them come alive with erotic fire!

Become expert at “playing” these magic pleasure spots like a musical instrument and you can consistently make a woman’s orgasm ring like a bell every time:

General Rules For Kissing and Forplay

1.  While making out with your girl, take a break now and then and mix it up a little so you don’t trance out in one posture.  Rule #1: Don’t forget to apply a lovely, lingering attention to your lover’s neck! Focus especially on that tender patch of skin just in front of her ears. While kissing and licking this electric area, whisper something deliciously sweet to her… or else really nasty! You can make the fantasy soft and sensual, or as dirty as you’d like.  You’re call.  Just have a plan!

2.  LICK her lips instead of just kissing them. While doing this, gently whisper that you are just dying to lick her “nether” lips as well…  Dying.  That’s the word we want to hear.

3.  Now that she’s all sweaty, glide your hand down between her legs and caress her mound right through her panties (or maybe they’re gone by now!…).  I would try to use the word ‘soaking’ somewhere in your whispering caress, keeping your voice always low and sexy, of course.

4.   It’s very sexy for a man to undress himself in front of me, and even to make a bit of a show of it.  Make sure that she sees EXACTLY how turned on you are for her!  Full blown self-play isn’t necessary if you’re not comfortable with it, but touching yourself a couple times to show her how anxious you are is what you’re looking to demonstrate!  BTW: She doesn’t get any yet.  You insist that the massage continue, ma’am.  (I love when they say that! 

5.  Once she’s stretched out naked, run a silk tie or silk scarf across her body.  Have her turn over and this time, as the silk tie or scarf runs the length of her spine, follow closely behind with your hot tongue!

6.  Instead of a lap dance, why not ask your lover for a ‘bed dance’ instead? This is where she dances completely naked all over you as you lie on your back and enjoy the show.  Have her sashay all over your face, chest, and groin until the two of you can’t stand it.  Get some music going for this one.

7.  While giving a woman oral, place a pillow under her ass to elevate her mound. This will give you more access without suffering a stiff neck the next day, and for her it will intensify the pleasure.

Super-Erotic Massage Techniques

A sexual massage is something that  I personally LOVE to receive from my partner. It never fails to completely relax my entire body.  Done properly, it acts to provoke my sexual tension until I’m fixed to either have sex right now or f****in’ explode!  Trust me guys, this stuff works wonders.

In addition to ensuring that you have the right environment (i.e., a quiet room, a well-laid out bed or a comfy spot on the floor, etc.) and the necessary equipment (e.g. scented candles, massage oils, etc.), consider also making use of a few fabrics made of silk, satin and velvet as well.  All these different textures can help bring about different responses from her nervous system.  If you don’t have these things immediately on hand, don’t let it stop you from giving your women this ultimate gift anyway.  After all, the most important element — YOU — is always available! 

Begin by undressing her in the role of her servant or slave boy.  Have fun with the fantasy, hey we don’t do this stuff everyday so make it special.  This is how you win her heart forever.  Once she’s nude, have her lie face down on the area you’ve prepared for the massage.  And, while she has her back turned to you, get naked as well (unless, as the slave boy masseuse you were already required to be nude.  Adjust your play accordingly…)

The idea is to use your full body mass as a massaging tool.  Lie on top of her facing the back of her head, supporting your weight on your arms so as not to crush her.  Launch the sexual massage by applying pressure across her whole body by just lying still for a few moments.  She can feel your penis pressing between her thighs.

I once had a guy slip on a cock-ring (when I wasn’t looking which gave him an absolutely rock solid hard-on for the entire time that he served me.  He kept poking me with the tip and surfing it down my spine and ass cheeks  I could feel stringers of his gooey precome running all across my back, crisscrossing like webs after a while.  I cannot describe the head trip of having a man literally drooling all over you with desire as he serves as your (skilled or otherwise, at this point who even cares!) “master masseuse”.  Remember to breathe hot air sensually across her neck and down her back — this will thrill her skin in a most incredible way.

Try your hardest ( ! ) not to get carried away and go straight for the sex for at least 30-60 minutes. Make her endure this sweet torment and soon enough you will BOTH be rewarded with electrical-sexual sensitivity that has to be experienced to be believed!

Use your fingertips expertly. Pull yourself up and straddle her (your cock resting in the valley formed by the back of her thighs), put some warm oil on your hands and start to massage along her spine using just your fingertips. Alternate hard strokes with lighter touches to mix it up and keep her guessing as to what’s coming next.

Try some Palm Circling. Progress from using your fingers to ‘palm circling’ — which is basically a massage using the entire width of your hand. This is a firmer technique that helps the body to really relax. As a general rule, never massage directly on the bones. Place the palms of both your hands on her back and move them in circles, firmly outward and away from her spine.

Gliding into Ecstasy. Slide yourself all the way down her body until your buttocks end up down near her feet. Now slide back up to the top of her shoulders and begin doing the palm circling massage again… but this time, glide down to her ass and continue massaging there too. After a few of these body-long strokes, reach for the top of her shoulders again but this time, keep your head low so that your face is right in front of her ass (like kneeling and bowing to someone.) You can do the palm circling again while breathing hot and heavy against her ass.  A variation would be to LICK her ass instead of breathing your hot breath on it, while simultaneously palm-circling her back.  By now she should be pleasure tripping and putty in your expert hands!

A Powerful Thumb Job. Use your thumbs to massage her lower back. Make short, rapid, alternate strokes with each thumb — moving up and across her ass toward her waist. Continue working along the right-hand side of her body all the way up to the shoulders. Repeat this on the left side of her body, and finish off by going back and concentrating again on her lower back and all across her ass.  You may want to dip a finger or two into her now as she’s certainly ready for it.

The Final Frontier. Continue to thumb massage her while your hands move slowly down to her butt. Part her crack and thumb massage her anus. She may try to squirm away or gasp, but stay with it.  Alternate between your handwork massage and breathing your hot breathe directly onto her anus.  Man that’s a crazy wicked sensation! Repeat all these various massage patterns again and again for as long as you can both stand it.  Just remember to really oil yourself up good, as the gliding effect of massive skin contact will have her insane with lust for her “slave boy / masseuse” soon enough!

–

Whew, there you have it.  Trust me, this is exactly the sort of experience that most women dream about having with their men, and sadly, so few of us actually have.  This is where you can separate yourself from the pack of ordinary selfish men out there and really make a reputation for yourself as a rockin’ sexy lover.  Just let your imagination run wild… and draw her into your fantasy world with power and authority.

When it comes to pleasuring women, I have lots more tricks than these up my sleeve guys.  Discover my universe of “extra- sensual” manipulation techniques that are designed to give your woman the most chillin’ & thrillin’ orgasms she can possibly stand.  You can download my FREE report: “The 5 Myths About The Female Orgasm” on my website right now.

Thank you baby!

Loving Licks,
Gabrielle

By Guest Writer T. W. Jackson,
Author of: ‘The Magic of Making Up‘

The following is a guest posting from my buddy, good ol’ T dubbya Jackson (sounds some redneck who just rolled off the set of The Dukes of Hazzard .  Not so my friend, Jackson is an acclaimed writer whose book is not about picking up women or dating, but rather a collection of strategies and techniques that are designed to SAVE a relationship or marriage — or even to get back together again with your ex-girlfriend.  Now me personally, I’m not into this sort of thing…  I am proud to say that no door has ever struck this little rock-and-roll ass as it fled the scene of the crime.  But I do get a fair amount of questions about how to win back a lost girlfriend, and so I thought that you might enjoy a clever tip from the Relationship Master T. Dubbya himself.  Enjoy.

–

You smell the smoke, hear the crackle of fire and begin to swoon from the searing heat.  But the coming forest fire that you sense in the air isn’t one that’s threatening your material possessions (well, maybe it isn’t…), but something that should be far more precious to you: your once loving relationship with your gal… which is about to go up in flames!

Now look, no matter what the actual issues were set YOUR personal life ablaze, few of us know where to even begin aiming the firehose to put it out.  In fact, unlike a real fire, directly attacking the core of the heat is the WRONG approach to take when trying to extinguish relationship problems.

For example, imagine that because of this lousy economic recession your relationship has encountered some nasty financial stresses.  The man may’ve been laid off his job and is feeling scared and lost, uncertain about the future.  These deep fears may begin to express themselves in small arguments with his wife or lover over how the money is being spent, whether or not a planned vacation that she was looking forward to should be cancelled or not, etc.

As a result, the guy may slowly begin to withdraw from his partner emotionally — perhaps even engage in a growing list escapist behaviors… getting himself wrapped up in endless TV watching, video games, alcohol, cyber porn or something similar.

And so NOW what do we do?…

Well, we’ve got TWO fires smoldering away from either end of the candle now because the woman is starting to feel lonely and isolated because her man has withdrawn from her, and this keeps her locked in a spiral of increasing anger.  Which fire do we try to put out first?  His or hers?

What we need to do is make a truce.  This couple needs to stop focusing on controlling the actual problems (money, emotional isolation) and focus instead on nurturing back to health what still might be left of the former passion that they once shared… even if it seems like there’s nothing much left.

For instance, Tom and Cindy might both love cooking together, so this could be a great common interest to seize upon.  They need to actively make a pact to let their problems go and to NOT worry about them for awhile, but instead try and forge a new start together.  They can begin doing this with something as simple as cooking dinner together and allowing themselves to reconnect in the kitchen and at the dinner table… EVERY night.  Maybe they play a little cards or go for a walk afterwards and share some laughs — have a little fun.  Reconnecting!

Now Cindy isn’t feeling so isolated anymore because Tom’s isn’t always watching TV or surfing the web and ignoring her.  Which leads to Tom starting to feel a little bit better about himself.  As he finds new positive energy and his confidence builds, Tom gets more assertive about finding work.  Soon Tom lands a new job, which relieves much of the financial stress that the relationship had been experiencing.  And so all of a sudden the couple has turned the corner on averting a breakup or divorce.

The moral of the story is that with a little fanning of the flames of simple PASSION – by re-discovering old forgotten interests for instance — couples can overcome the worst sorts of problems that drive them apart — including affairs, drug or alcohol use… even a wrenching death in the family.  Look back for the TINIEST things that you both used to enjoy doing together, and then ACTIVELY put your problems aside for a while and begin to rebuild that passion again by exploiting those small points of romantic leverage.  When there is little passion left in a relationship, even the smallest problems can explode into big blazing fires.  So thats where you need to begin correcting things… with the small things first.  It’s all about moving beyond the dullness of familiarity and recapturing past feelings.

Now if you’re reading this and feel that a blaze of growing animosity has already ‘gutted’ your relationship, you need to understand that you can create a second chance for yourself. I’ve made some amazing breakthroughs in the field of human love, bonding and re-bonding, and I’ve made a video where I share some of those counter-intuitive re-bonding techniques.  Have a look at it here:

Get Your Ex Back

This video has been viewed over 893,000 times on YouTube (rated 4 1/2 stars!) and it’s rare for a day to go by where I don’t receive a really heart-warming note from someone who has put their relationship back together by using the advice in my book.  Even after going through hell and fearing that they’d never find their way back into their ex-lover’s arms again! You can do it too… don’t give up hope.

Lately I’ve been peeking at some of the search terms that guys have been using to find this blog, and I’ve noticed the term “male virgin” comes up somewhat frequently in various different forms.  I don’t really have anything amazing to say about this topic at the moment, but I researched around a bit and found some posts on other blogs that I thought you might like to have a look at:

The Modern Savage — The Dilemmas of Male Virgins

This is actually a very interesting blog in general, not just this particular post about male virgins.  The writer gets into statistics and charts quite a bit but keeps everything very intriguing and avoids getting dry and technical.  There’s also a ton of good links on this blog, enough to keep you busy poking around for a while.

Tre’s Sugar — Dating a Male Virgin

The key question posed by the male virgin himself is short and straight to the point, but you should really find the thread of follow-up comments by women to be very interesting indeed. Take a look.

Health Central — Male Virgin at 29 and never dated

This one is a bit more clinical and has to do with coping with the anxiety that’s created by being a male virgin. Some good links showing you where to get help if you feel that you need it.

Again, not all of you will be interested in this particular topic, but I know this hits a note with some of you and so there it is.  My own rule on this issue is that you should NEVER reveal your virgin status to any woman that you are interested in dating, and you should try not to let it affect you at all — although I know this becomes a heavier lift as you get older.  The problem isn’t so much the status itself as the obsessive focus on it, which tends to corrode away at your confidence.

Two things you need to pound into your head about this subject as it affects you personally: NO mentioning it to the girl EVER, and NO fear!

Keep you focus on charming her and off yourself as much as possible… just assume that your animal instincts will get you through the cherry-popping okay.  If it really freaks you out then use a hooker if you have to (a time-honored de-flowering method for men throughout the ages…).  Just do whatever it takes to put your virginity behind you and move on.  Don’t make it into anything more than the non-issue it really is.  You will always be miserable to the degree that you allow your negative thoughts and emotions to guide your behaviors and actions.

I’m interested in your comments and thoughts.  Let’s kick this around some more.

More Topic-Relevant Information:

Hey Mike,

Here’s my story…  Since about two weeks ago I’ve been dating this really great girl.  She’s in most of my classes here at uni, which could be awkward, but thus far hasn’t been.   This girl seems to really like me (there’s been a lot of casual touching, longing stares, a lot of good laughs, we’ve even had a couple of passionate make-out sessions).

But there is a problem…  every time I ask her to come over to my place for dinner or to go out somewhere, she always seems very reluctant.   I know that she has a pretty busy social life (I think…), but seeing that we supposedly “like” each other so much I don’t understand why she can’t spare me some more of her time?

I refuse to beg her — as my instincts tell me this is NOT the right move.  On the other hand, I really do want to spent more time with her, so I feel like I should be doing something else here, but what?

I have noticed that she DOES seem to respond to a forceful dominant attitude — as I have gotten her to come over to my place once by being very direct about my desire to see her — but I’m hesitant to be this pushy because it might reveal my “too strong” of a desire to be with her which could be perceived as low status, right?

So do you think I should just keep bugging her to spend more time with me as I’ve been doing, or should I wait for her to break down and come crawling to me?  She’s a really shy girl — which I fear could mean that she might decide to stop seeing me altogether!

Gary

Hi Gary,

This girl seems to me like she’s been hurt in the past and has a lot of doubts about the two of you taking your relationship deeper towards the sexual.  She’s split between whatever desire she may have for you and paying homage to some deeper fear that is holding her back and driving her to be overly cautious about things.

The basic behaviors and expressed personality of most people is often just a pattern of habits (bad or otherwise) that come into being as a response to some kind of psychic trauma that we experienced in our past, either real or imagined.  In other words, we are all a collection of not just these deep hurts but the ‘compensatory behaviors’ that we then develop to prevent them from ever happening to us again. This makes some people assume some very odd and conflicting behaviors that make their friends and family go crazy trying to figure them out!

These behaviors are complex and can be invisible even to our own self-awareness of them –  and they can often be self destructive in all sorts of creatively different ways.  Most often it involves passing up a chance to make some sort of significant positive change in our lives IF it means not having to confront certain fears that are absolutely “off limits” to us.  Our internal Prime Directive becomes one of making certain that we remain protected and assured that “THAT” (fill in the blank of past pain…) will never happen to us again! All other considerations are secondary and even unimportant.

It’s for this reason that you sense she might even choose to completely disconnect and split away from you if you choose to use a hard-to-get type ploy on her.  Her fear (whatever it is) is still far stronger than any feelings of attachment that she might have for you at this stage of the game.  See?  You can already sense this about her!

If she’s shy and cautious you can bet there’s a reason for it — unless she’s just some big time introvert by disposition (and she doesn’t sound like it since you claim she has an active social life).  The play with a girl like this I feel is to just put in the time connecting with her and slowly drawing her out of her shell, and maybe even help her get beyond these fears somewhat. As you become closer you can get her to reveal a few of those things from her past that originally drove her into a protective shell.  This could be anything from something as silly as being picked-on in grammar school to be raped by her dad.  I’m just saying — you never know what variety of worms you’ve got in the can!

But this is really the mission of our lives isn’t is?… it’s about helping each other get beyond the garbage that holds us apart from each other.

So use whatever time that you DO get to spend with her right now to do more than just party… try getting into some deeper conversations with her and connect some more. You need to find the right balance between seeming concerned / interested and being too pushy or nosey.  A tightrope to walk, I know.  Once she starts to open up and trust you a little more though I’ll bet she becomes more fascinated with you and perhaps even obsessed with you!

This can all go horribly off the rails of course and you may find out more about her personal story than you may want to know — and she could develop such a deep bond with you as a result that you might not be able to get rid of her!  Seriously.  Once some people finally DO feel comfortable enough to open up to someone else it can be like an emotional damn bursting… and you’re the one who’s standing in the valley!

So another thing you have to do is decide if you’re going to commit the time and energy into doing all this connecting work, or if it will cut too much into your studies at university or become too much of a burden on you.  Remember that there’s plenty of fish swimming around in the environment that you’re in.  I’m just sayin’.

BTW, your being forceful and dominant is in no way LSM, to the contrary it is the mark of the HSM who goes after what he desires in life and is not afraid to crash through a few barriers to get it! The alpha male assumes his right to possess anything that he chooses (until he’s challenged, but that’s another story…).  So it’s okay to press forward against her reluctance, just don’t grovel or engage in acts of self-humiliation in the process.

Because THAT’s too high a price for anything in life!

Hi Mike,

I am primarily interested in finding one woman with whom I can have a really good relationship.  I am learning this stuff so that I can have a vast choice and not be like most of my friends that took the first woman that would be with them (they all seem so unhappy).

First some background: I have been in a bad rut since I went through a breakup about 5 years ago.  I needed a kick-start to get back into the game.  I am older now 42 and my self esteem was shot.  First I quit smoking, took up Karate, lost 30 pounds and got a good haircut.  Confidence went up but still no real luck.  Then I found “THE BOOKS” I combined some Double Your Dating System (book) and Seduction Science System and Speed Seduction stuff all together and now I am getting dates – as many as I want.

(Side Note: By the way, your stuff is the best and your “High Status Male” concept changes everything for me – it is incredible.  Scored 200 on the test but my failures were 2s and they were things that were destroying everything – thanks for showing me the truth.)

Back to my point… Anyway I still make mistakes but thats okay, I am learning.  Thing is, all these women that go out with me are interested (even when I screw up sometimes) BUT I am not always so interested in them, and that’s my problem. I want to date them, have fun and be honest with them but I do not want to hurt anyone. So, the problem is I just don’t know how to end things when I want to – especially if I sleep with them.

I was never really afraid of rejection — it doesn’t phase me, but I think that this fear of how to reject them is just as toxic.  I find myself discussing “exit clauses” (figuratively speaking) on the first date quite often.  I can’t turn them all into friends either – I just don’t have that much time.  You know how it is – once you sleep with them leaving is impossible.  So help me out with some advice please if you can and most sincerely thanks very much for the great book.

Thanks,

Sal

Hi Sal,

It sounds like you have a great deal of empathy for the feelings of women, which is great to see, but it’s also unusual.  A lot of guys are just focused on getting their own needs taken care of, so lots of women will be smitten by this endearing character trait.  This red flags you a potential heartbreaker. I can see your problem.

DO NOT however, let your concern about the emotional pain that you may have to cause in the future mess up the way that you operate with women, or keep you from taking the steps you must take in order to get what you want from them.  BOTH parties, man and woman, take an *equal* risk in the love and romance game — and if the women want to play, then they have to be willing to take a shot in the heart now and then just like the guys do.  Otherwise stay off the field of combat!

It is not YOUR job to insure that a woman will not experience any trauma from a romantic encounter with you.  As long as you remain completely honest about your intentions along the way and are not being deliberately devious, you have nothing to apologize about. If you’re being dishonest and manipulative just to get your jollies, well that’s a different story… but that doesn’t sound like you, so it’s really not an issue in your case.

If you’re up front about everything and make no promises that you know you ultimately won’t be able to keep, then you have nothing to feel ashamed about if things ultimately finish on a sour note.  That’s the risk SHE takes.  And don’t let her “guilt” you for it… that’s HER being manipulative and it’s totally unfair.

People have to be adults about failed relationships — pick up the pieces, deal with the bruised emotions and move on.  You and me didn’t make up the rules for this game — we just do our best to play it fair.  And that’s all anyone can ask for.

Hey Mike,

I’ve been loving your book, it’s really hit home on several things. I can relate to much of it and it has been invaluable.

First a little background.  I met this girl out one night and we ended up back at my place. That was February. I called her a couple of days later, then didn’t run into her until the next week on campus.  She said she had enjoyed being with me, and still had my number. (Obviously I had not been actively pursuing her, calling all the time, etc.)

Long story short, she called me that Sunday night and we hooked up again.  All good.  So she left for spring break and will be back soon.  She did call out of the blue this past week from home just to say “hi” and said that we should get together when she gets back.  Things seem to be going great so far, but I want to stay ahead of the game on this.  I can see myself wanting to revert back to some “nice guy” ways, but I know that is probably the wrong thing to do.

Here’s my question — If and when this thing develops into a relationship, what do women want and/or what do they need once they decide they want to have a relationship with you?

Barry

Hi Barry,

Thanks for your kind words about the book, I’m glad that it’s been helpful to you.

As for your situation… it seems like you’re moving along pretty good on this thing. Two phases exist at the start of relationships — pivotal to your chances — that you should keep in mind.  You have to play them sort of ‘bad cop – good cop’.  First you’re the “bad” cop (which is enticing), then your the “good” cop AFTER you reach phase 2, in order to seal the deal.

Phase One is pre-’first sex’. The balance of power shifts from girl to guy when the first episode of sex occurs.  In the beginning, (the pre-sex part of dating) the woman holds all of the power.  Either you perform the way she wants (dominant male) or you’re rejected.  The guy basically is walking a fine line between trying to keep her interested and trying NOT to piss her off or bore her so that he can get into her pants.  Problem is that she knows this all too well, AND IS TESTING THE HELL OUT OF YOU to make her decision as to whether or not to give it up to you.  That’s because she understands that once she does, the balance of power in the relationship shifts over to the guy, and stays there pretty much for good (until we marry them, then all bets are off…

You job here is to make sure that you don’t get too “pally wally” with her and end up killing the budding passion… and end up in the “friends” zone.  If this happens you’re dead… and you’ll get the “I think you’re a great guy, but we should just be friends…” brush off.  Make sure that you keep some edge and mystery about yourself, and don’t get too self-introspective — as this puts you in a bad light by revealing too many of your flaws, thus killing all the mystery.  Save all that for Phase 2 when the idea is to BOND her to you as a loyal partner and lover for good.

Phase Two is post-sex. She has felt enough trust in your character to hand over the power in the relationship by having sex with you.  She’s betting that you don’t cut and run, or suddenly undergo a change in that character.  You now have the power to disappoint her and break her heart. If you really like her and want to lay the groundwork for a healthy and fun relationship, study the section in the book about meeting her Four Primary Emotional Needs, beginning on page 204.  If you can be this kind of guy for her, your bond of love (and increasingly better sex) will grow as she comes to see you as possibly the best guy she’ll ever find.  Then you can steer her towards fulfill YOUR 4 primary emotional needs, and bingo… well, it doesn’t get any better than this.  The near-perfect relationship.  Relationships that start this way have a lot of staying power.

The tough part, and the part that only YOU can decide, is IF this is the girl that you want to go down this road with in the first place.

Hello Mike,

Here are a few questions for you that I have been contemplating about my social life:

1. I’m recently divorced.  When a woman asks me why my marriage failed, what is a good answer?  My answer is that my wife and I simply grew apart and we needed to find new partners that were more compatible with our interests and life goals.  That’s the truth, but is that a good answer?

2. What do I say if she asks if I am dating other women?  How do I nicely say yes, I am?  Will that be a turn-off to her that I am dating other women, or will that entice her to be more interested and enter her female competition mode?

Paul

Hi Paul,

Here’s what I think:

1) This is a good answer, just don’t bring it up at all unless she does, and then don’t dwell on it. Change the subject and move on.  Bitching about ex’s is a major turnoff for both sexes.

2) DO let her know that you’re dating around.  This makes you seem valuable (people only want what they can’t have).  Just don’t brag or seem too proud of it.  Slip it into the conversation sideways… be vague about the whole thing and coy.  But make sure she doesn’t suspect that you’re married ( ! ) and trying to cover it up.  Split the difference between evasiveness and boasting.

Your best move is to AVOID talking about this sort of crap at all if you can, or just briefly breeze over it if you must.  Stay focused on the present activity you’re doing with her, and don’t get into mutual analysis of each other’s dating history.  What’s the point?  It’s all water under the bridge anyway.

Well I’ve got my latest video production finished after a surprising amount of work, several weeks worth actually.  This project definitely grew more complex as it went along and the final product ended up being longer than I’d originally imagined it would be.  I guess it will probably exceed the attention span of a lot of folks (especially on YouTube, which is what it was intended for), but I wanted to talk about each of the books a bit and give you a sense of the philosophy that went into them, so it is what it is.

I had a lot of fun with the music mixing and stringing all the clips together, a nice break from writing all the time.

And as your extra special treat the Wizard himself steps out from behind the curtain and gives a brief hello and goodbye at either end! 

As always I would appreciate your comments.

(If the video doesn’t display or play correctly, you can watch it directly from YouTube here)

Hey Mike,

I have really strong feelings for this girl, but there is one thing about her that bothers the hell outta me.   I’m kinda anal about people taking care of their health.   She doesn’t smoke or do drugs, but she has gotten real big into tanning.   First it was just something she did once a week – so I said “eh, whatever.”   But now she’s got this job at a tanning salon, and she’s always friggin’ tanning!   Thing is, this is her first real job (we’re in our early 20’s) so I’ve just been going along with it and trying not to rain on her parade.   But I know that too much of that crap is terrible for your skin and I want to at least let her know what I think without burying her enthusiasm for her new job.   How do I go about this?

Barry

Hi Barry,

I don’t know, is tanning that big a deal?   You make it sound like she’s been captured and indoctrinated into the Taliban or something.  Two things to know about being 20-something… 1) there’s no telling someone of this age that they’re doing something unhealthy for which they will have to suffer any consequences for in the future.   No 23 year old can imagine themselves 30 years from now dying of skin cancer or Hep-C from a bad tattoo or whatever — they just don’t give a shit, and 2) no first job lasts very long before it sucks and you’re off doing the next new thing.   In 6 months she’ll hate the place along with everyone she works with and will probably quit.  Therefore, I wouldn’t get too anal or make a big stink about this if it’s going to do nothing but create a sore spot that will interfere with all the fun stuff in the relationship (like getting laid!).

Unless of course… she looks over at your pasty ass one day and suggests that you spend a few hours under the grow lights yourself.   Then it might be time for you to change back into a bat and fly out the window!   Otherwise I wouldn’t worry about it — hell, I hate undercooked boobs anyway.

Mike,

I am in love with a woman who is married but separated from her husband.  I recently went out with her 8 times — 8 straight dates, and then she backed-off from me completely.   I have asked her out 7 straight times since then.   I realized I was being needy, and thus have pulled back for the last week and half.   No calls from her yet.   What are your thoughts on this one?

Eddie

Hi Eddie

My thoughts should be coming in any minute now… right after my fucking head stops spinning! (”I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”…).  Seven times you asked this chick out and she won’t call you back?   I mean, this goes way beyond playing hard to get… this is a nuclear blow off.   And after a bunch of actual real-live dates?   It’s obvious that she’s had the deluxe sample of you and has decided – No Sale.

The problem with a deal like this is that, even if you do wear her down with your continued pestering and eventually get her to accept your obsessive attentions somehow, the power balance is totally ruined now. You will forever have to suck her ass and play second fiddle to this woman in order to keep her from going cold on you whenever she feels like it… which will be just about every day after a while.   Once you surrender your mojo to a chick you’ll always be under her boot heel.   Truthfully, this is a game that I don’t play with women, nor do I recommend you play it either.

Let me hammer this in — preserving your self respect must always be more important to you than scoring ANY particular woman! I don’t care how glowing and magical her pussy seems — they’re all basically the same once you’ve fucked them!   You will grow tired.   And you don’t want to grow tired of a chick who continues to disrespect you.   Don’t let any woman get to you like this — the damage to your game is far worse than any fun you’ll ever have balling her. And if you think you won’t need your game again because you plan on marrying her and living happily ever after and therefore will never again need to score another woman, take another guess.  It is impossible to live with a monstrous, miserable, nagging WIFE that emerges from a power-imbalanced courting relationship like this.  You will certainly either have to divorce her in the future (and give up half your money) or live in abject misery for the rest of your life.  Think about it!

Ever see these married guys who work 20 hours of overtime every week or who are always hanging around late at the office?   That’s because the poor bastard has a monster waiting for him at home!

Start over fresh with someone new — learn from this great life lesson and emerge stronger for it.  Study the advice in my book and learn how to approach women differently RIGHT FROM THE VERY START so you don’t have to put yourself in a situation like this again.   Women are not worth psychic self-destruction.   Don’t let women seem like a scarce commodity in your life either or they will sense this with their “chick radar” and continually walk all over you. And from this crippled position you’ll always be vulnerable to suddenly “falling in love” with any of those precious few who WILL pay you any attention, and then the cycle will begin all over again.   I know this is hard to hear, but if I don’t tell you this stuff who will?

Hey, I’m finally moving into the scary brave new world of video! I’ve been playing around with this new technology a little bit… always late and behind the curve as usual.  So I made up a little 3 minute test vid — it’s just a small article about being friends with women that I basically just read the voiceover to while a series of still photos drift along through the screen.  I just wanted to see how the software worked and I ended up having some fun with the pan and zoom feature.  This gives apparent motion to a still (boring) image and makes it look more professional.  (I used to be a photolab tech and still enjoy working with images.)

Anyway, here’s the video:

Kind of silly I guess in terms of content, but for just screwing around I’m pretty proud of it!   

It actually took some doing to figure out how best to make those titles — the text editor is a bit clunky — but I got a usable result that you can at least read.  You’ve really got to have patience putting these things together and be willing to wait for the software to render as it goes along.  If you try to stack up too many tasks the computer just locks up and forget it.  You’re really running the ol CPU at full throttle.  Fun stuff.   More to come soon…

Comments, comments please!!!…

(If the video doesn’t display or play correctly, you can watch it directly from YouTube here)

Hi Mike,

When talking to a girl for the first time just after having approached her, I want to find out if she is:

1 ADVENTUROUS
2 SPONTANEOUS
3 STRONG (MENTALLY)
4 UP FOR A CHALLENGE
5 HAS GOOD WIT
6 SOPHISTICATED
7 AN OPTIMIST
8 NOT AFRAID TO TAKE CHANCES

Those are my primary personality wishes/requirements that I look for in a girl.  I don’t want to waste my time on girls who cannot fulfill those requirements, hence I want to sort out who’s who within minutes of first approach.  The main problem is, that you cannot judge people by what they are saying, but only by what they are doing – and that is a problem when talking to people.

As an example: I would like to be able to throw some tests at a chick while talking to her. As we all know, girls are testing boys all the time.  Girls are probably not used to being tested, but I want to change all that.  So I would like to have some smart phrases ready to test whether a girl is go or no go.

Jerry

Hi Jerry,

Wow… what you’re asking for is really the holy grail of human communication: how to divine someone’s true feelings and character by cutting through the bullshit and revealing their persona instantly using words alone.  If we could figure out this trick, the ability would have far more use in finance and politics than it would simply picking up women!

To do the things you want you absolutely do need to see people in action – because that’s where they reveal themselves. And in courting, that’s what dating is for.

Yeah I know, it’s not fast enough if you’re impatient, but life doesn’t work like a video game.  It takes risks, effort, discipline to see a job through to the end, and unfortunately… some time invested.  There is a way to accelerate this process somewhat though — skip the dull dinner-and-movie date.  I always recommend an ACTION date as the first date because it’s better than sitting around yapping (which is also a good way to get yourself in trouble by over-revealing too much mundane junk about yourself that places you in a bad light. It busts your mystery factor…).

In your case this is ideal because If you’ve got an interesting girl on the hook, then robust “action” dating is the way to smoke out those important qualities that you listed.  For instance, when you take her out on the first date, pull a switch.  Tell her you’re going to be doing one thing, then when you’ve got her in the car, say you’ve changed plans and are going to take her someplace entirely different.  This will test her for spontaneity, right? Does she take up the spirit of adventure with you, or go into a pout?   There’s your answer to questions 1, 2, 4 & 7 from your list.  Take her someplace like snowboarding or hiking, a good test for adventure.   Does she love it or complain because she’d rather be sitting on her ass at a movie?

You’ll never really find any of this out about anyone for sure unless you put them to these sorts of reality tests for those characteristics that are important to you.  Tests performed by DOING, not talking.  Dating is this time-honored testing process for you.  You have to use your head when you’re doing this stuff, woman are an intellectual challenge.

As you point out, people can lie and tell you anything they think you may want to hear — and they can do this no matter how cleverly you think you can sneak the truth out of them by using tricky phases.  Women test men by tricking them into displays of honesty / dishonesty, or courage / cowardice.  This is different than the tests you are thinking about doing, which are tests of temperament and demeanor and require action to expose.