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by Mike Pilinski on Feb.03, 2010, under General Thoughts

The following Q&A is from today's "Tell Me About It" Buy Slimex (Obetrim) Without Prescription, syndicated column by Carolyn Hax (dated Feb. After Slimex (Obetrim), 3, 2010). She writes mostly general relationship advice for the newspaper, where to buy Slimex (Obetrim), Fast shipping Slimex (Obetrim), but this particular one caught my eye -- so I clipped it out, scanned it and I've added in my 2 cents at the end:

Dear Carolyn, order Slimex (Obetrim) online overnight delivery no prescription, Kjøpe Slimex (Obetrim) på nett, köpa Slimex (Obetrim) online, I am 29 and single. I have a very strong mother who raised me to treat women with respect. I was taught that women are strong, intelligent and independent. And that women don't need any special treatment, purchase Slimex (Obetrim) online no prescription. Slimex (Obetrim) from canadian pharmacy, When I go on dates I treat women that way. I respect them, but I don't offer to hold their door open, Slimex (Obetrim) blogs, Slimex (Obetrim) class, or always take my car. I ask if they want to drive. And I always split the check rather than pay for them. I think it's insulting to assume that women are fragile.

As you can imagine, Slimex (Obetrim) maximum dosage, Slimex (Obetrim) price, I don't get very many second dates. And most of my female friends say I act like a jerk. Am I a jerk. Should I change my way of thinking, buy no prescription Slimex (Obetrim) online, Slimex (Obetrim) duration, or stay strong to my beliefs ... and remain single, Buy Slimex (Obetrim) Without Prescription.

~ B from Maine

Your mother instilled in you some valuable beliefs, order Slimex (Obetrim) online c.o.d, Herbal Slimex (Obetrim), but either she or you fashioned them into a needlessly blunt instrument.

Dates have nothing to do with scoring political points. If you ask someone to dinner, you pay. Not because your dinner companion is financially dependent upon you, Slimex (Obetrim) from mexico, Slimex (Obetrim) without prescription, but because you are the host and the pleasure of someone's company is more than worth paying the tab.

If you get to a door first, you hold it for the next person. Not because that person is too frail to handle the door, low dose Slimex (Obetrim), Slimex (Obetrim) cost, but because it's the courteous thing to do.

If you are amenable to giving your companion a ride, then you offer a ride.

Note that none of these actions are gender specific. Each is simply one person showing kindness to another.., where can i buy Slimex (Obetrim) online. Buy Slimex (Obetrim) from canada, and people of all varieties appreciate kindness. Even the strong, intelligent and independent ones.

You have female friends, Slimex (Obetrim) overnight, Slimex (Obetrim) natural, so presumably you enjoy their company. Dating women needn't be any more complicated than your friendships. Try being kind, not right. See if that helps, Slimex (Obetrim) no rx. Cheap Slimex (Obetrim) no rx,

My Comments:

Well it looks like good ol' "B from Maine's" flinty cool New England sensibilities aren't serving him very well in his dating life.

I actually get a lot of mail from guys like this who claim they do absolutely nothing wrong when they take women out, Slimex (Obetrim) street price, Buy cheap Slimex (Obetrim) no rx, are perfect gentlemen to them, etc, buy generic Slimex (Obetrim). Buy Slimex (Obetrim) Without Prescription, etc. Canada, mexico, india, -- and yet they can't seem to get second dates most of the time. I'm not there watching what they're doing (but boy would I love to!) so it puzzles me as to what these men could be doing so deadly wrong. It's tough to guess when you're only hearing one side of the story.

So it occurred to me while reading this piece in the paper today that some of these guys might have screwed-up internal "rules of personal conduct" which handcuff them to the point where they are genuinely unable to get a sense of how their behaviors are viewed by others. Let's remember that the act of Dating itself is mainly about determining what sort of personality you're dealing with, Slimex (Obetrim) from canada, Slimex (Obetrim) description, to see if that person's initial attractiveness will hold up after a few hours of hanging out with them. Yes, it's all just a big test (and BTW, order Slimex (Obetrim) no prescription, Slimex (Obetrim) dangers, it's a test for her too!)

I'm sure it's probably obvious to many of you how and why this guy comes off like 'a jerk'. But here's his One Big Mistake in a nutshell: he's refusing to play the game of courtship -- and consequently the women red flag him as a stiff, uptight, Slimex (Obetrim) reviews, Slimex (Obetrim) gel, ointment, cream, pill, spray, continuous-release, extended-release, BORING and possibly difficult personality as a result... and who the hell wants to get involved with someone like that?

Carolyn's opening remark is profound in her observation that he's taken a (possibly) well-meaning respect for women, online buying Slimex (Obetrim), Discount Slimex (Obetrim), taught to him by his mom, and turned it into a "blunt instrument". (As an aside: I often wonder what twisted motivations serve as a base for the things that our parents teach us. Why was his "very strong mother" so intent on teaching her son to respect women at all costs anyway? Maybe because good old dad (or the previous men in her life) routinely treated her with little or none at all? Just wondering...) Therein lies the roots of shame transfer, Slimex (Obetrim) over the counter, Purchase Slimex (Obetrim) online, but that's more grist for a future post.

What I'm thinking in this case is that there's an aspect of underlying anger or rage present here that's expressing itself in this very passive-aggressive way. Some of this could actually be anger at the controlling Mom herself, Slimex (Obetrim) for sale, which the women that 'B' dates are only acting as stand-ins for... but that's getting into speculative psychology. I'm just trying to point out that everything in human nature is Cause-and-Effect. None of us grows up in a vacuum. That's why it's important to become self-aware and dig into your underlying motives for acting in the ways that you do. By pulling these things out into the sunlight they will sometimes just burn up in the heat of logic and reason and go away -- and then you've taken a significant first step in changing in your life.

Anyway, I'm sure you can see how adherence to such particular guidelines of strict personal behavior are throwing up an emotionless, distant wall between 'B' and his dates -- when instead he should be trying to create some sort of emotional connection with them. But that would mean having to play the courtship game of deference and charm and to act in a much different way than he describes, Buy Slimex (Obetrim) Without Prescription.

Note that I said ACT... as in "being on your best behavior" -- which simply means that you present yourself in a way that's better than ordinary for the purpose of making a good impression on someone. You would no more act your usual nasty old self on a date than you would on a job interview, right? Unless of course you secretly wanted to sabotage the interview and NOT get the job (or the second date for that matter) so you could stay home on unemployment and keep torturing mother? I'm just saying...

'B's refusal to act in ways that would endear him to his date have motivations that could be variously described as stubborn, self-hating, "logical" or any number of other 'good reasons'. But mainly, highly structured behavior also screams out another word to me: FEAR. People who have a need to control and micro-manage every little thing about themselves and their environment have a huge fear of the unknown or of having things slip out of their control. Part of 'B's motivation for acting as he does on these dates could have something to do with 'control-freak anxieties'. Again, without being able to sit down with this guy and pick his brain all we can do is speculate, but it's certainly another possibility.

This sort of thing is more like a bad habit than a personality disorder, but it can screw you up in countless little ways regardless, as you see here. Self-Awareness friends, self-awareness!

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by Mike Pilinski on Dec.06, 2009, under Reader Q&A

Elavil For Sale, Hey Mike,

At 40 years of age I think I may have finally found the missing piece of my own personal puzzle thanks to you: toxic shame. Damn... Elavil long term, who would have thought! I need to tell you my story in order to have my question answered so bear with me.

I am an above average looking man and have a higher than average IQ. This made my shitty track record with women even more frustrating to me. I finally decided when I was thirty that I would overcome my fear of rejection and start getting laid. I studied speed seduction....NOT FOR ME! Eventually I just starting approaching and flirting with women and knocked a huge dent in my problem, but still couldn't get past the flirting stage of seduction. It wasn't until after I came across your material that I figured it out.

Growing up, Elavil from mexico, Buy Elavil from canada, my father was a good provider but many times he was a regular Asshole. Note the capital A! Yes, I made mistakes as we all do, herbal Elavil, Order Elavil online overnight delivery no prescription, but he would totally blow things out of proportion with a slap upside the head or a belt across the ass. I could handle this, but the yelling, Elavil recreational, Elavil coupon, screaming, and cursing are what really hurt the most.., online buying Elavil hcl. Australia, uk, us, usa, YOU ACT SO FUCKIN STUPID, or WHY YOU GOTTA FUCK UP SO GODDAMNED MUCH!!!! He never spoke to my sister or mother in this way, Elavil brand name, Effects of Elavil, only to me.

My mother was a sweet woman and I will always cherish her memory, but she did have a shaming trick or two herself. Her thing was to start crying and say things like "one day I'll be dead and then maybe you'll be happy" or "just go ahead and hurt your mother" or "I'm so embarrassed by you." Naturally this ain't too good for the old self esteem!

My mother was diagnosed with cancer in 1999 and the old man changed on a dime. She fought the disease for 4 years with a courage uncommon.., Elavil steet value. Elavil description, never complaining and always optimistic. I felt badly for anything I had ever done wrong to her. She passed away with my father and myself at her bedside crying like babies.

The night after her funeral, my father and I buried the hatchet. He told me that he couldn't believe the stupid bullshit that he got so bent out of shape about. He apologized for all he had done to me, Elavil no rx, Elavil without a prescription, and I did as well. We are on great terms now -- he re-married and I am happy for him.

These are my questions:

Do I have to confront my father about my toxic shame in order to heal it? Mike, if we were still at odds with each other I wouldn't mind, Elavil australia, uk, us, usa, Elavil street price, but I hate to re-open those old wounds now. John Bradshaw recommends twelve step groups like AA, but I don't want to get into anything like that. How did you handle it? I am dead certain that this is the source of all my issues with women, what is Elavil, Discount Elavil, not making enough money, etc. Thanks for your time.

Ken

Hi Ken, purchase Elavil for sale, Elavil images, Thanks for writing, that was a very touching and heartfelt story, buy Elavil from mexico, Low dose Elavil, my belated condolences to you and your dad for the loss of your mom. I lost my own dad back in '78 from bone cancer and I still wish I could talk to him every now and then. Part of the progression of life is the collection of these sufferings along the way.

For me, buy Elavil without prescription, Buy no prescription Elavil online, it was my mom who did most of the shaming of my affection needs, which I now realize did me great damage but was clueless about while it was happening. To this day however, Elavil photos, Elavil pics, I have never confronted her directly with these "charges". At this point I don't believe it would do any good, and so I try to love her as best I can regardless. I believe that just KNOWING about these hidden shame issues in your own mind robs them of most of their power without having to make a big show of it for everyone else. The important thing is that YOU can finally understand what's been shaping your behaviors for so long, about Elavil, Real brand Elavil online, and so you can change course whenever you see the same patterns beginning to happen again. It's this AWARENESS that's the key to destroying your shame by dragging it out into the light to burn up like some old vampire. If you've made peace with your dad, then I would just drop it and move on, Elavil reviews.

You have to remember that our parents were from a different era where children weren't coddled psychologically as they are today. My parents were born in the 1920's, which was the depression era in the USA. Back then if you fed and put a roof over your kids' heads you were being a fantastic parent! Words were just bullshit -- and their power to hurt and do lasting damage was mostly unrecognized. People were just parenting the way that they themselves had been parented. No one had access to very much training in the world outside of their own direct experience which was gleaned from the people in their families and the local community where they grew up, and that "training" could vary wildly from one person to the next. Remember there was no TV or internet or all the other 1000-and-1 different avenues of alternative information and psycho-babble that exist today and which many of us now take completely for granted. If you were messed up in the head, you simply suffered in silence -- and you often passed all that crap on to your kids without a second thought, Elavil For Sale. Generic Elavil, Hell, my uncle was turned into a dysfunctional alcoholic from the effects of WW II. Nowadays he would be diagnosed with "delayed stress syndrome" from his combat experiences and treated somehow. Back then he was just shoved aside as a drunken bum and rejected and isolated and mocked. This is how he lived out his sad and lonely life, Elavil trusted pharmacy reviews. Online buying Elavil, But now you and I know differently. Now you can recognize where your problems have taken root and simply refuse to honor them whenever they try to mess you up again in the future. And you can resolve NOT to pass their effects along to the next generation, to your own sons and daughters, buy cheap Elavil. Kjøpe Elavil på nett, köpa Elavil online, In some ways ours is a transitional generation born of a responsibility that is presented to us by having access to this sea of information that we swim in -- and it's our job to break the chain of family misery by NOT passing on our own shame-based issues and illnesses. That's why I say that clubbing your dad over the head with all this shit won't do you any good now -- just go forward as best you can and resolve yourself never to BE him.

You don't need 12 steps, just one step.., Elavil from canada. Where to buy Elavil, self-awareness. Refuse to let your shame speak for you anymore -- keep cutting it off at the knees and eventually it will lose it's hold on you. Elavil no prescription. Elavil over the counter. Elavil alternatives.