The High Status Male

By Guest Writer Christian Hudson

Guys, here’s a simple fact of life:

Dj’s get all the girls!

But here’s the real question… is it possible for YOU to learn how to possess this same kind of mojo and peel some of this action off for yourself?

A few years ago, I got into DJ’ing as a hobby.  As someone who used to love playing video games, and who loves music even more, it was like a perfect marriage.  Something about composing fun mixes on a device that’s basically a Fisher Price toy for grown up boys… many nights were spent figuring out how to pump out the jams on my VCI-300.

For most nascent DJ’s, the first few months are solitary.  There were nights when I’d be up until 3 or 4 AM, learning the songs, the points to come in and out, which songs worked well with which songs.  Like the mad scientist who made the accidental discovery that sulfur is the missing ingredient to make rubber pliable,  I’d never have guessed that “Take On Me” and “In Da Club” blend together perfectly, until I was playing around with 89-92 bpm songs late one winter night.

The first few performances are nerve-wracking, and going from bedroom DJ, to performer… it’s all about being able to pay attention to the crowd and having the sense to know if you need to loop the chorus one more time because they’re loving it so much, or if it’s time to totally change things up.

And when you start to get really good… when you drop 5, 10, 20 songs in a row, and EVERY one of them hits because you’re just that tuned into the crowd, and they’re just that tuned into you, well… the girls want to be a part of the magic you’re creating.  Once she’s behind the booth, there are a ton of little tricks you can do, games you can play, easy ways to “teach her” how to DJ (and sneak in a kiss along the way).  But it all starts with those lonely 3AM practice sessions.

At an abstract level, digital DJ’ing isn’t too different than playing video games.  You practice hitting a bunch of buttons in succession, and moving some analog controllers, in order to get something on your computer screen to do something you want it to do.

But there are three significant differences.

1.) DJ’ing is creative. Perhaps not as much of an art form as songwriting, but it’s YOUR expression, good or bad.  Video games aren’t about creating, they’re about consuming; in this case, consuming the problems sets and reaction tests that the developers have created for you.

2.) Once you step beyond the bedroom, DJ’ing is a social hobby. You’re out performing in front of people, engaged with people, and showing them a good time.  Video Games are generally anti-social, and while the Wii, Xbox Live and Farmville have gone a long ways to making them more social activities, they’re generally things you do with no more than a few other people while you’re sitting on a couch.

3.) DJ’ing is so active that it’s inter-active. High energy levels, people dancing… it’s very different from the more relaxed nature of gaming.  And yes, I know that Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 can be hair-raising if you’re playing it, but if you’re just watching two of your friends try the air cover mission again and again, it’s only a few points more exciting than Friends reruns.

Now listen, I don’t want to hate on video games.  Plants Vs. Zombies led to two of the most enjoyable wasted days of my life.  But I do want to point out how two activities with similar “mechanics” can have profoundly different effects on your attractiveness.  Whether you’re a DJ, an avid gamer, or neither, this stuff falls under a term we call Passive Value.   It’s how a woman would describe you to her friends.

Like it or not, there are some elements of passive value that are more attractive than others.  In general…

- someone who Creates is more attractive someone who Consumes.

- someone who is Social is more attractive than someone who is Solitary.

And the guys who are “9’s and 10’s” – the guys every woman wants – they tend to score highly in the passive value category.  Even a dirt-poor man can score major points if his photography is a thing of beauty.

One way of thinking about all of this might be to call it “lifestyle”, but the way the term is used in the dating community it has a rather narrow definition. This isn’t merely about whether you have a lot of friends or not.  Passive Value is a lot broader… and a lot more reflective of who YOU are as a person.

And it’s merely one of the elements of attractiveness that you’re going to learn how to expand dramatically in my Unbreakable program.  Unbreakable lays out a blueprint on how to become a 9 or a 10 in the eyes of women… so much so that your confidence becomes natural and instinctive… so that you won’t just “get” attraction from her, but that she’ll BE ATTRACTED to you.  Take a look:

Unbreakable

We get fantastic testimonials every day… if you look on my Facebook wall today, you’d see the guy who wrote this:

“Hey Nick and Christian, I just want to say Unbreakable totally changed my life. Three thumbs up!”

I know you’re gonna love it.

Christian Hudson
Author: B4UTXTHER, Conquer Your Campus, Becoming Unbreakable

For all you guys out there who are having a difficult time attracting the romantic attention of women, one major reason for this could be due to your lack of a confident male display.  This is that invisible and silent “vibe” that you are always sending out about yourself to females everywhere.  If your own male ‘love beacon’ has been broadcasting a weak and unappealing signal that’s been getting you nowhere lately, then you need to boost up the strength of this Love & Romance energy field and make it shine with the light of unstoppable courage!  This is essentially the master seducer’s secret to success: quietly capturing the interest of a woman away from the men who surround her with his A+ male display, and then gradually monopolizing it until he’s got her completely hooked into him.

Well check this out… here are 5 Instant Confidence Boosters that can immediately help you begin appearing onto the romantic radar screens of women everywhere, ASAP:

1) The #1 mental gear-shift that can almost instantly improve your outlook on most everything and make you appear more confident to everyone involves creating a brand new mental Confidence Frame for yourself… and then plastering it all over your reality!

What am I talking about?  A confidence frame is a highly personalized LENS through which you view the world.  It’s a mental filter — a “coloring” that determines your perception OF (and reaction TO)  what’s going on in your presence.  Your confidence frame is more than just an academic exercise however, it tends to constrain what is or isn’t viewed as possible for you to achieve by setting limits beyond which you’ve convinced yourself that you cannot venture.  Your confidence frame operates by overlaying a veneer of assumptions across whatever it is that you’re witnessing — and it’s those personal limitations that determine the sorts of “safe” interactions that you can engage in with any particular situation or person.

You can think of this as the invisible boundaries defined by your fear.

Here’s how it works: two people standing side by side viewing the same reality will apply entirely different biases (assumptions) to what their seeing, and thus create completely different (even totally OPPOSITE) interpretations of that situation.  For instance, I see a girl standing there and I think that it’s possible for me to walk up to her and get a conversation going, and you think that this isn’t possible for YOU to do.  Neither one of us is actually right or wrong in a strict sense — and our “overlay of assumptions” may have little to do with our actual chances of making this happen anyway, since it cannot take into account the one big ‘unknown’… if she would even be remotely interested in either one of us!

What it DOES do however is position us to either take or withhold a particular sort of action based upon our applied bias to this neutral observation of a girl who’s just ’standing over there’.  This GO / NO-GO decision point (and you live through several of these each day) has the potential to change the trajectory of your life to some major or minor degree — depending upon what you actually decide do… make a move, or simply allow the moment to pass.

The built-up weight of these kinds of collective choices, in retrospect, are what determines where you are in your life right now — which is essentially a patchwork of all these decision points both big and small that you have made along the way.  Sure, some of the reality of your world may’ve been imposed upon you by the actions of others or by circumstances beyond your control, but a lot of it wasn’t.  It is mostly our own choice to be where we are today (even if the main “chooser” was our fear). People with a social anxiety phobia for instance have applied a strong negative bias to most every aspect of their reality, which thus colors their world through a prism of abject fear.  You should strive to stay out of this deadly trap of fear-based decision-making and begin coloring YOUR world through the lens of limitless possibility.

2)  Get all the people who “know” you as being sad, depressed or lonely OUT of your life. I’m serious.  Do whatever it takes (short of anything violent) to diminish the supporting effect they are having on the psychic MONSTERS that you are trying to flush out of your skull!

The people around you can often feel threatened by any sudden change in your attitude or physical state — especially if those changes are life-enabling for you. Such personal changes threaten to have you moving “out in front of them” in terms of where they imagine you to belong in their own personal pecking order (which is usually somewhere beneath you, of course).  I’m talking about work, school, and especially within your own family structure.  You need to begin casting a more critical eye upon these individuals and begin grading them for their usefulness to you.  Don’t assume that these people have your best intentions at heart, they often do not.

In my books I talk extensively about male status and becoming the “high status male” in order to begin attracting the kind of high quality women that you desire into your world.  People who can support you rather than drag you down.  Well, you cannot feel that you are high status in any sense of the word if you are constantly being put down by the people that surround you.  These individuals act as physical manifestations of the poisonous thinking that’s going on inside your head. They re-enforce your circular rotten thinking, and they need to go!

3)  Dump good old “schmootie” or “titso” forever. Or whatever other sort of cutesy, put-downish nickname that others may’ve stamped you with over the years.  Think about some of the more powerful and respected people that you know of.  Do they get these sorts of stupid nicknames hung on them?  Do people dare call them by it to their face… or are they afraid of the consequences?  Or maybe just too respectful? Again, as noted in confidence booster #2, this sort of thing represents all the external inertia present in your world which works against your making any sort of positive, uplifting changes in your life.  This is entirely toxic to the free and full expression of your existence.  Get rid of it! You have 2 choices here: face these people down or flee them.  Either method will work — although the first has the added benefit of improving your self-esteem enormously.

I realize that the number of people we could be talking about or the pervasiveness of their low regard for you may make this seem like an impossible task, as you could be vastly outnumbered by these agents of psychic doom.  Regardless, you must revolt against their endless tyranny and seek your own mental freedom!

4) Taking a major mulligan (a “do over”) on your life can be thought of as your next really big confidence booster… in the sense that you will ultimately walk away from such a fearful experience a VASTLY stronger person.  Especially if you’re in the 20 to 40 age range reading this right now, you will be thanking your lucky stars that you took up the challenge of personal self-change when you did because it only gets tougher as you get older and more set in your ways and attitudes.

I’m talking about seeking out a completely new circle of friends where you can finally get some emotional support.  This may mean having to discover entirely new social circles, changing schools, your place of employment, a spouse… or maybe even the radical decision to pack your bags and leave town.  It all depends on just how much importance you are willing to give this crazy idea that having some RESPECT from others (and also from somewhere deep inside your own head) is worth more than the safety and security of holding onto your current crummy life situation.

It means looking the risk of building a new life for yourself straight in the eye… and refusing to blink!

5)  Know and understand the critical importance of long-term MOTIVATION when mounting any sort of major challenge to your well-established routines and habits — and especially when trying to break out of calcified old thinking ruts.  Your brain has made subconscious assumptions about the limits of possibility for you.  It has spent a lifetime subtly directing your thoughts and behaviors in ways that create a supporting reality… thus “proving” everything it believes about you to be “true”.

These profound if poisonous self-created assumptions can get themselves buried in very deep — and can therefore take a very powerful commitment of motivation to reverse.  Attempting to just casually sweep these rooted-in ideas aside in the service of more positive ones will likely be regarded as a THREAT to the very existence of the subconscious itself… and so will be viciously resisted at every turn.  This is why it can be so difficult to remain motivated to stay at positive personal change until it finally begins to take hold, but this is the task that you must now shoulder.  Otherwise, this is a process that runs almost hypnotically and unconsciously unless you deliberately force it to STOP.

Finally, whether it’s something physical like losing weight or quitting smoking, or something completely psychological like changing your fundamental belief system, you’ll find that Courage and Self-Awareness are your best friends for remaining in the fight long enough to achieve the kind of boost in confidence that you are seeking.  Just stay true to yourself — and stay in the fight no matter what sort of blowback you encounter.  Remember that no one can prevent you from having anything that you truly desire in life.  Except you.

–

And speaking of having more confidence…

You know that I just posted my entire Kick Ass Confidence 7 Part Audio Training Series up online as a totally FREE giveaway program, right?  So go listen to the entire 90 minute program for nuthin’… take a look and sign-up on the following page:

http://www.ka-confidence.com

Thanks!
~MP

Nothing creates a more attention-grabbing romantic signal that most women will immediately take notice of than the magnificent display of Confidence in men.  Whether it’s actually while in the act of “hitting” on her itself, or merely doing something powerfully in her presence, confidence always makes a stunning impact on women!

A dynamic display of self-confidence can have a near magical ability to influence others and get them to RESPECT you as well — and it’s especially important for women to see men as being confident because it plays into their subconscious grading system via which they sort out the (attractive) high status males from their (less desirable) low status counterparts.

Here’s an important fact that you may not be aware of: men gain most of their natural confidence not so much by interacting with women, but by competing against one another. So your seeming LACK of it will be read by a lot of these women as a measure of your submission to these other men… professionally, financially, physically, etc.  You have apparently been made into one of their bitches and now it shows through in your shyness and lack of self-confidence!

This may not be entirely fair, but you need to understand little IS fair in the game of romance and seduction — and so it’s something that you need to factor in when it comes to getting yourself seen as being out there “on the playing field”… an important appearance that you should always try to maintain.

So in light of all this, here are 7 important confidence tips that can really help you pump-up a weak and paltry male display:

1)  Realize that most people are probably just as big a bundle of doubts and insecurities as you are, probably even more so. And especially women… and DOUBLE especially if she’s a 9 or 10! This is the ‘hidden insecurity’ phenomenon that the pick up artist’s technique known as “neg hitting” attempts to exploit, (although I myself am not a practitioner of this particular fine art, charming little sweetheart that I am)…

Regardless, understand that we are ALL fighting with these same challenges and demons… merely to different degrees.  So keep soldiering on — you are not alone in your struggles!

2) People are NOT mind readers… which means that they cannot peer into your soul and know your deepest fears at a mere glance.  So if you appear to be confident around them, then who are they NOT to believe you?  “Hey, this guy seems pretty confident in himself for some reason, so I guess I’ll go along with it…” This gives us the advantage of being able to “fake it until we make it” and pad our male display with some early bluffing until our personal change becomes more genuine and deeply integrated into our core personality.

Look, you’re probably already practicing exactly the opposite process right now when you consistently keep talking the wrong sort of internal self-talk to yourself.  You are essentially hypnotizing yourself into acting in ways that support a poor and unattractive self-image.  So if you want a better self-image, then learn to fill your head with better thoughts about yourself and your value as a person than you do now. Inner game is essentially 99% of the “secret” to coming off like the confident alpha male around women!

3) Try to always remain aware of your body language and the kinds of “plus or minus” subliminal signals about yourself that you could be broadcasting to women — they have an extremely sensitive radar for this sort of thing, and especially when it comes to men.  I’m talking about things like shoulders back, head up, solid eye contact, being at ease about casually being the first to touch someone non-offensively (an assumed HSM “privilege”).

Hey, don’t be afraid to employ a few “cheap trick” confidence tips like this next one to get some early points on the board for yourself:  For instance, if you’re still too shy to meet someone’s eye directly, then stare at their nose. Seriously, it’s an old salesman’s trick… people cannot tell the different between someone staring at the bridge of their nose and someone who’s looking them straight in the eye.  Try it today and see for yourself.  (And also take note the more positive reaction that you are pulling from people as well… The power of confidence!)

4) If you see yourself as being confident in your own mind, then you will give off a confident “vibe” about yourself without even being aware of it. This has to do with the inability of the human mind to distinguish between common everyday reality and a richly-imagined fantasy.  Your imagination is the gateway to achieving feelings of deep self-worth, so learn how to use it to “fool” your subconscious mind into seeing yourself in a stronger frame. What you are looking to do is create an emotion more overwhelming than your fear.  This will allow you to begin seeing the people around you differently, while having them view YOU differently as well.

It’s from this shift in subliminal vibes that new social opportunities will soon begin to appear all around you — and your shiny new cloak of unstoppable confidence will be the power that drives it forward!

5) Never worry about having to “back up” your confidence — almost no one ever has to do this.  People see you acting confidently and that’s just the way it is, they simply accept it.  Rarely will anyone challenge you to “prove” it (prove what?).  It’s only those guys who really insist on pressing what a tough guy they are that eventually end up in fights.  This isn’t confidence, it’s bravado.  Like having a fat ‘tell’ in poker.

Look, there’s no shame in trying to change whatever poor thinking it is that’s currently holding you back from participating fully in the game of love and romance, so don’t worry about any of this high-minded BS.  These are just mental red herrings designed to keep you distracted from making serious personal change in your life.  No one can know what you are doing in the privacy of your own mind, and it’s none of their business anyway – so feel free to imagine your way straight into a better life!

6) Get good at something that makes you look cool and/or powerful and competent and show it off somehow (guitar hero anyone?… just kidding .  Seriously.  Why not strive to become skilled at some type of activity, trade, sport or even a cool hobby like rock climbing to help yourself attract women?  Start with some modest demonstration of your prowess and just keep playing it up.  Soon you’ll begin to gather a following of closer friends and maybe even a few fans as well.  (Just don’t “pied-piper” them all into the jungle one day and have them sample your specially formulated kool-aid…!)

7)  Surrender the Self-Hatred and let your spirit fly! Give up once and for all on the misguided belief that your station in life is somehow genetically or culturally imposed upon you, and that you are permanently stuck right where you are.  That’s Middle Age-going-nowhere sort of thinking.  What it really is, is self-hatred keeping you locked in its “hopeless and helpless victim” trap.  It performs this little feat by making any other alternative life-path seem impossible for you to achieve, which is utter nonsense of course.

Take a chance to prove this to yourself today by challenging your fear in some significant way.  Get mad at your fear, take it on! Don’t let these powerful ideas that I’m giving you just go in one ear and out the other… use them!

I think that confidence, to finally describe it, is nothing more than an overriding assumption that things will always go your way in the end… no matter what. But this won’t happen for you until you get out there and demonstrate to yourself that new and vastly different possibilities really can exist… for YOU. Once you achieve this absolutely critical cognitive breakthrough (called, duh… “belief and motivation”…) you’ll finally be able to take those first few baby steps towards massive personal change…

And at that point, believe it or not, the hardest part of the entire journey will already be behind you.

–

And speaking of having more confidence…

I just put my brand new Kick Ass Confidence 7 Part Audio Training Series up online as a totally FREE giveaway program.  That’s right, you can now listen to the entire 90 minute program for free.  Just sign-up on the following page:

http://www.ka-confidence.com

And you’ll get the links for each of the 7 lessons e-mailed to you at 3 day intervals.  This gives you time to listen to each one and perform the little homework assignments before the next part arrives.  It’s a more disciplined way to learn, prevents overwhelm and REALLY WORKS!  Give it a try, and I thank you for your support.  And be sure to spread the word to any of your interested friends who could use a little extra shot of self-confidence. 

~MP

Lately I’ve been peeking at some of the search terms that guys have been using to find this blog, and I’ve noticed the term “male virgin” comes up somewhat frequently in various different forms.  I don’t really have anything amazing to say about this topic at the moment, but I researched around a bit and found some posts on other blogs that I thought you might like to have a look at:

The Modern Savage — The Dilemmas of Male Virgins

This is actually a very interesting blog in general, not just this particular post about male virgins.  The writer gets into statistics and charts quite a bit but keeps everything very intriguing and avoids getting dry and technical.  There’s also a ton of good links on this blog, enough to keep you busy poking around for a while.

Tre’s Sugar — Dating a Male Virgin

The key question posed by the male virgin himself is short and straight to the point, but you should really find the thread of follow-up comments by women to be very interesting indeed. Take a look.

Health Central — Male Virgin at 29 and never dated

This one is a bit more clinical and has to do with coping with the anxiety that’s created by being a male virgin. Some good links showing you where to get help if you feel that you need it.

Again, not all of you will be interested in this particular topic, but I know this hits a note with some of you and so there it is.  My own rule on this issue is that you should NEVER reveal your virgin status to any woman that you are interested in dating, and you should try not to let it affect you at all — although I know this becomes a heavier lift as you get older.  The problem isn’t so much the status itself as the obsessive focus on it, which tends to corrode away at your confidence.

Two things you need to pound into your head about this subject as it affects you personally: NO mentioning it to the girl EVER, and NO fear!

Keep you focus on charming her and off yourself as much as possible… just assume that your animal instincts will get you through the cherry-popping okay.  If it really freaks you out then use a hooker if you have to (a time-honored de-flowering method for men throughout the ages…).  Just do whatever it takes to put your virginity behind you and move on.  Don’t make it into anything more than the non-issue it really is.  You will always be miserable to the degree that you allow your negative thoughts and emotions to guide your behaviors and actions.

I’m interested in your comments and thoughts.  Let’s kick this around some more.

More Topic-Relevant Information:

I got a lot of excellent comments on the Tiger Woods post that I put up a few weeks ago — back when he gave his apology-to-the-world speech.  Since many of them flamed me somewhat, I thought it might be good if I just tried to clear up a couple of points that maybe I didn’t make clearly enough the first time around.  Two main things really:

1) My beef isn’t so much about Tiger’s behavior as it is with society in general.  I feel it’s a shame that HSM “haremers” like Tiger are forced to remain in the closet in order to avoid general scorn.  (Look at that… I have to invent a goofy word to describe him because there isn’t even an accepted term to describe men who wish to live this Hefner-like lifestyle openly… thus demonstrating how socially unaccepted this idea is… EVEN THE LANGUAGE ITSELF REJECTS IT! )

This is especially true if their income or professional advancement is tied in any way to their public image and persona.  For Tiger to have embraced this lifestyle openly would have been economic suicide for him insofar as endorsements were concerned.

So like many men in similar positions (politicians, celebrities, acedemics who wish to be taken seriously, even astronauts) they have to remain in the closet and put on the facade of husband and family man, etc. even though they chaff in this role. If Bill Clinton for instance would have lived like the haremer that he obviously desired to be, could he have been elected President?  Not a chance. (Of course, there’s a bit of chicken-and-egg thing there with the Presidency inflating his HSM status after the fact, but whatever.  You know where his head was at!).

Guys like this are like gay men who get married in order to hide it — forced to wear the patina of respectablity so they can function in society the way they need to.  Being gay is in fact far more acceptable in society today than being a haremer.  It’s the HSM who is discriminated against by society!… It is he who must be boxed in and controlled at all costs.

Make that S.O.B. have only one nagging wife and be miserable… just like the rest of us!

So Tiger had to be a “scumbag” because there is no acceptable avenue for him to just live his romantic life the way he wished to without bringing on an endless tide of bad publicity and criticism.  Better to just get married and then have to juggle a secret harem on the side.  This is the choice he was forced to make because no other option exists for a man like this, a man of exceptional status.

So I say that society forced him to be a hypocrite because no acceptable place exists for men like this to live the way they wish and still be able to exploit their talents profitably.  We are all still way too unevolved on this issue.  No one (except I guess me) champions the OPEN haremer lifestyle as the final reward for the HSM who chooses to embrace it.

You can compete — but if you win you cannot have the ultimate prize that every Man desires.

Grow up society!… What does it matter if rich, famous, athletic, loudmouth, obnoxious HSM’s openly have harems as well?  Can we hate them any more than we already do? I think that after the multi-million-dollar executive TARP bonuses we’re maxed out by now, aren’t we?

2) My sanity was questioned on this idea that men are driven to create the world because of some deep desire to score women.  Not only do I believe this to be absolutely true, my contention is that men have so completely subducted this idea within their own minds that they DON’T EVEN REALIZE THIS IS THE ULTIMATE MOTIVATING FORCE IN THEIR LIVES ANY MORE!

All male behavior ultimately boils down to latent sex drive.  Period.  I developed this point extensively in my books so I’m not going to re-write it all here.  Reject it if you must.  One thing to understand though is that the modern male drive is ultra-subliminal now and buried beneath all manner of high-minded sub-motivators — we don’t even realize that it’s the reason why we do ANYTHING that we do any more!  We think we have these other motivations — but strip them away one-by-one and there it is… seething and throbbing hotly down in the lizard-brain: the need to impress the female!

Most all of our other activities, sophisticated as they may be, completely mask this underlying animalistic drive nowadays.

That’s evolution of the Mind in action: this idea that we’ve transcended our animal drives and supplanted them with higher-minded goals — when in fact the desire to get laid is all there really is.  If we last long enough as humans I believe that we will eventually evolve away all our emotional baggage and become Vulcan-like.  But that could be 1000’s of years in the distant future.  For now, men pretend to have other motives when in fact we do not.  Sorry.

–

Of course, all these crazy ideas of mine — especially this notion of the socially-acceptable “haremer” — is not merely hundreds of years, but perhaps dozens of generations ahead of it’s time.  I guess the real problem is that your present is my past! Just another misunderstood intellectual titan who (while scorned in his own time) future generations will surely build statues in honor of.

I just hope they make me look taller.

I just listened to the Tiger Woods public apology / news conference this morning and something that he said near the very beginning of his speech, before he got into all the standard politically-correct BS about how he’s going to work to turn his life around and blah-blah-blah, sort of struck me.  I scribbled it down from memory as he was speaking so the following is probably not an exact quote, but this is the essence of what he said:

“I worked hard all my life for my success, and I felt that I deserved to enjoy myself.  I felt I was entitled.”

Of course, he was talking about being entitled to his hold his stable of “sms” mistresses in addition to his hot Scandinavian wife.

You hate to see the poor guy being raked over the coals like this, but what’s really sad about this whole story may not be entirely obvious to everyone, so let me just state it very plainly: the fact that society has made it so that when a woman achieves great success at the fulfillment of her primary female biological imperative (i.e., to husband a man and bear lots of healthy children, be a mom, etc.) she is praised and generally lauded and thought most highly of.

But when a man achieves great success in the pursuit of HIS biological imperative (i.e., to sire as many children as possible from as many different women as possible in order to give them all collectively the best odds of being born healthy enough to survive) he is scorned as a scumbag and dragged before microphones to confess and seek repentance for his sins.

Exactly what sins are we talking about here?  The sin of being male.

You see, in society’s convoluted view of things, a man should strive for greatness and achievement and status and power… BUT when he gets there he should behave as though he’s just an ordinary guy and NOT exercise his imperative to claim his ultimate prize.  What is this ultimate prize?  The harem.  Now many of you may recoil at this notion, but this doesn’t change the fact that men are primarily driven to achieve ONLY for very reason that it makes many different types of women attracted to them… and (if we’re REALLY high status) a large number of them as well!

All the other toys and the cool lifestyle is an extra added bonus, but it’s not the primary reason that we kill ourselves and crawl over one another to achieve anything really worthwhile in our lives.  We do it because it’s the harem that we seek — the situation of being the center of multiple and endless female attention!

I believe that Tiger Woods was lamenting the fact that, despite all his years of sacrifice and hard work (and yes, natural talent), he was now being punished from all directions simply because he had tried to claim the prize that all High Status Males are (yes!) ENTITLED to possess.

Historically, the sultan, the king and the chieftain have always maintained a harem.  It was seen as the birthright of the powerful, alpha male.  Reproduce away, alpha!  We need more great warriors like you! The problem is, it used to be that only the most physically powerful men or the true bad asses of the world could make claim to this prize (although later it could be inherited through royal family lines as well).  But nowadays there are many roads to the top of the mountain and anyone with the talent or savvy to become rich or famous by whatever means possible (talent, hard work, savvy or dumb luck) can access a high status life.  And this pisses a lot of people off — so society has created Rules of Conduct that make the possibility of the HSM claiming his harem a sordid and classless act to be universally scorned and spit upon.  Cheater!  Betrayer!  How selfish you are!

But the fact that our primary biological imperative has been used as a doormat for society to wipe its feet upon for so long doesn’t change the fact that this drive has in fact created much of the world as we know it.

Let’s face it, the need for men to impress women for the purpose of eliciting sexual favors is the central and primary driving dynamo behind just about everything that happens in the world… all of it, ever.  All the skyscrapers that rise to the heavens (no symbolic phallic intentions there I suppose , the electricity that gets pumped into our modern lives, the zillion-and-one products that get manufactured all over the world by legions of brilliant and industrious men… all of it occurs mostly as a side-effect of these men collectively working on all these various different projects for but a single purpose: to gain access to women.

No, it only LOOKS like they’re doing it to support their families and make a good living (that’s the high-minded cover story, actually), the real reason is to achieve the widespread approval and ultimate sexual favor of women.

And LOTS of them if at all possible!

That’s right: whatever great or small boost in their own personal status that these activities can grant to men, it’s all done ultimately to get laid.  To gain the attention of females and say: “look at this accomplishment!  Look at my male display of wealth and authority!  Are you getting turned on yet?”  And oh yes, they are! It’s their positive reaction to the accomplishments of men that in fact greases the very wheels of civilization.  Because without it, our drive to create, exceed and excel all pretty much vanishes.

Let’s do an Einstein-like thought experiment for a moment and imagine a world where humans are all composed only of males, males who have NO sex drive, incidentally.  Sex and the constellation of emotions that it normally produces simply doesn’t exist in this fantasy world.  Our plumbing is just a plain old urine disposal tube.  (How do we reproduce?  I don’t know… we bud off a son every ten years from our right elbows like amoebas, it’s just a thought experiment!)

So as an inhabitant of this man-planet, why am I striving to upgrade my house, or get some flashy jewelry or buy a fancy new set of wheels for myself?  Or to even have a nice house at all for that matter?  To impress ol’ fatso Larry down the block?  Who cares about him?  (and BTW, when’s Larry plan on bringing back the lawn mower that he borrowed last week?  Actually, now that I think of it, to hell with the lawn… let it grow into a jungle!  Without a wife to bitch about it what do I care anyway?  There goes the lawnmower industry.)

Yes, men would everywhere be living at a much slower, simpler, bearcave-like existence if they only needed their basic food and barracks to get by.  It’s in pursuit of trying to impress all those sexy women that men have created all these other things that so complicate our lives and make it a wonder worth living!

Oh sure, our fantasy man-world society might have developed some other way to motivate the stinky slugs over eons of cultural development — but this motivation would have had to been imposed on them or brainwashed into them somehow rather than naturally embraced I would think.  What a world that would be… boring and miserable I would imagine.

It is Pussy Power that ultimately drives us to achieve excellence!

So I have some free advice for all you high status males out there: don’t get married.  Ever.  To do so is to FORGET the reason that you sought such great status in the first place: to gain access to your harem — not to the toys that wealth and power can also buy for you.  As they say, a man is only as faithful as his options — and the HSM has many.  That’s why we seek it, nay, KILL OURSELVES TO ATTAIN IT!

Marriage is for the lesser among us who don’t have the resources and therefore the option of supporting the harem — or else we would be ALL be deep into the harem lifestyle!

But that would only diminish the harem to being nothing special or out of the ordinary, and therefore why chase after success to attain it?  There has to be some special reward for high status.  Yeah I know, you guys want it ALL just like Tiger Woods did… the respectability of a wife and family too, yada-yada.  But then again… WHY is it so respectable to be a married guy and father anyway?  Why isn’t being a HSM sultan respectable as well?…

It’s a female plot to keep THEIR biological imperative the preeminent one in the popular culture!  WOMEN are the ones who in fact are currently having it both ways: they get all of us men striving and competing against one another for higher status (which makes us attractive to them), but once they pluck off the HSM’s they get to keep them for themselves and exclusively hook into their wealth and power.  Because these men are then pressured by society to remain faithful and “respectable” which effectively short-circuits their ability to create the harem they so desire to possess.

And when one of them does so anyway… look out!  On your knees and grovel for your repentance, scumbag!

One of the most honest and up-front guys in the world is Hugh Hefner if you ask me, the founder of Playboy.  Sure he’s old and decrepit now and his young girlfriends make him look like a childish fool in some ways, but here’s a guy who for the past 60 years has been trying to show HSM’s how to shamelessly embrace their entitlement to the harem! Yes, this was the lesson that Hef was always promoting via the Playboy philosophy: he tried to change things and reverse the male curse of being scorned for having crossed the finish line FIRST… but society has not embraced it.  Female push-back has been too great.  Her haughty prerogative to reproduce by husbanding the best available male (on a now OVER-populated planet BTW) is still much celebrated — while the lothario remains the lowlife to be snubbed and made to seek public forgiveness via humiliation and supplication.  It’s all still very biblical and left over from a much different point in the development of human society.

Anyway, for all you guys who wish to seek higher and higher status, please understand that it will place you in a position where you MUST live a life that’s different from the ordinary guy. The life of the sultan.  By trying to be married and committed to a single wife, to put up with her aging and crumbling personality just like any ordinary Joe blow MUST, you are cheating yourself of the very reason that you were driven to seek high status in the first place. This denial will eat away at your soul once you realize that you are in fact squandering your status just as surely as if you were scattering your personal wealth to the wind.  Be honest with yourself: you didn’t work for all that money.  You worked for the pussy! And now you’re supposed to deny the reward and hook up exclusively with just ONE female?

Therein lies the internal dichotomy that wages war within the mind of the HSM… fertile soil for regrets that gnaw away at his happiness, and his ultimately fidelity too.

Tiger Woods, you were only living out your HSM imperative — but alas you were “caught” doing something that in fact you should have been shamelessly proud of doing! Just like Hugh Hefner.  Now society demands its’ pound of flesh — and since your income is tied to public acceptance, you feel you must prostrate yourself to get back into its good graces in order to maintain your status.

Now THAT’S sad.

And to all you future HSM’s who get “caught” being a Man: stop apologizing.  Women wanted equal rights in society and in the workplace and they eventually got it.  Now it’s time for all of us Men to stand up and face down this twisted, baseless cultural reflex to heap collective scorn upon those of us who dare to live our lives as we were programmed to do.

Programming, by the way, which conveniently delivered us all here today to piss and moan about it.  Biology is as biology does baby.

Valentine’s Day sucks. If you don’t have any romantic partner to ply with silly gifts, it sucks… and if you DO have a girlfriend it still sucks having to buy her a lot of silly, expensive gifts (or else!).

If you’re experiencing the first kind of suckiness, no girlfriend, then let’s resolve to begin making some basic and simple changes to your presentation as a man that will help you solve this problem once and for all.  Here at the High Status Male Blog we like to kick around ideas that we hope can make us more attractive to women.  Women are of course the great and universal Mystery…  Their frivolous behaviors have vexed men throughout the Ages — driving them to commit acts of war, suicide and even murder.

And that was when they weren’t otherwise making us insanely horny, or just plain insane!

A recurring idea in both my books is that men shouldn’t have to obsess too much about their looks as much as their behavior around women, since THIS is what the girls grade us on in the same way that guys scope out their physical charms to decide who’s hot or not.  Yeah, we all know that we’re supposed to act confident around women to project the vibe that we’ve made it far enough up the pecking order that women should take note.  But what does this actually MEAN in terms of the types of behaviors and attitudes that we need to adopt for ourselves?

Here are 7 important signaling behaviors that you should learn how to manage.  See if any of them need to be adjusted in your own personal male display:

1.  Stop Pre-editing Away Your Every Possible Opening Words to a Woman. Or maybe I should say stop totally pre-REJECTING them because, man, that’s what I used to do to myself big time!  In normal everyday conversations I was fine and friendly and even funny — but get me near some hot chick and it was clam-up time.  I remember standing around helplessly in a club right next to a great looking girl wondering what I should “open” with (and this was before I understood what that even meant!…)

I would stand there locked in mental concrete, my mind racing through various different sentences thinking: “that’s sucks… are you kidding me?!   …if I say THAT it will make me sound like a complete loser!…” And then of course there was my personal favorite excuse: “…and so THEN what will you say to her?”

This last one was a real iron curtain for me — I was essentially putting enormous pressure on myself to have some sort of well thought-out conversational script all memorized to a tee and ready to go in my head.  In fact I never actually sat down and wrote out such a script for myself (a mistake), so in addition to having the perfect opening thing to say I was also required to create this script ON THE FLY!

You know how we like to talk about the idea of self-hatred?  Well gentlemen, I present to you Exhibit A!

Notice how best to punish the “hated one”?… by setting the bar for an acceptable performance so high that it becomes impossible to achieve?  This did the trick by seeding a big lump of fear in my mind that would cause me to lock up and never even make an attempt to speak up.

Remember, the High Status Male is King, Boss and Conqueror… he NEVER believes that his words are unimportant or boring (even if they are), and so he speaks freely!  And YOU will listen.  To be self-conscious about your words is a loud LSM (low status male) signal that the women will pick up on right away, so talk.

See how these deadly self-defeating cycles can come to control you?

2.  Start Making Eye Contact With Women. And I mean the GOOD kind where you look away about 20% of the time so as not to slip into a ‘psycho leer’.  I talk about this extensively throughout my books and audios so I won’t get into the whole thing here, but suffice to say that a shifty-eyed presentation of yourself is always a bad deal.  People are made uncomfortable in the presence of someone who won’t look them in the eye.  They begin to wonder why you seem to be acting ashamed or guilty.  What are you hiding?  To varying degrees women will especially get creeped out by this A+ connection killer.

Poor eye contact creates a vibe that’s just the opposite of charismatic – which is the ability to make people feel good about themselves.  Shifty eye contact is anti-charismatic because it forces people to identify with your discomfort instead, and they don’t like that!  They don’t want to hang around with people who give them ‘bad vibes’ — for whatever reason — and would just as soon avoid you altogether.

So if you’ve ever scratched your head wondering why you’re not getting many callbacks or why she won’t answer your post-first-date-callback, this could be a big reason why.  In your nervousness you revert to a turtled-up body language that included an evening-long inability to make eye contact with her, and she was totally put off by this loud signal of male subservience (or disinterest).

As a mechanical quick-fix, you can always practice the tried-and-true “salesman’s trick” whereby you stare at the bridge of someone’s nose if you can’t stand to meet their eye.  Most people cannot tell the difference.  Ultimately though you should seek to raise your confidence around people, and your eye contact will then become more natural and genuine.

It’s okay to use tricks such as these to kick-start your recovery, but you should always be working towards the day when you will no longer have to rely on such trickery to get you through a conversation.

3.  Initiate a Handshake. We all know that a high status male is attractive to women, but what you may not realize is that your status is determined by your day-to-day interactions with other MEN.

Men constantly push, prod, connive, outwork or seek to outsmart their fellow man in the workplace, culture, battlefield, household or any of a thousand other venues in which they interact.  There is always a competition going on to see who’s just a bit more powerful than who.  This game never ends, and much of it goes on subconsciously and almost invisibly.  In many situations basic relationships are already clearly pre-established: Joe is the boss and Ron the employee, Jim the dad and mark the son, or Bill is the Sergeant and Ed the Private.  Whatever… but it’s clear cut.

However, many daily encounters between men who pretty much seem as if they could be on a same level are not as clearly defined, and so a signal is required to establish who is who.  Who is the alpha and who agrees to be the subjugated?

This phenomenon can be played to your advantage if you are aware enough to make a point of establishing yourself as a man to be respected in any casual encounter.  One of the simple ways that you can do this is to be the guy to offer to shake hands first (whenever appropriate of course, such as in a business situation or at a party).  Why is this important?  Because the higher status male conveys a sense of safety to a lower status male by touching him first — but doing it the other way around can be viewed as a challenge.

Think again about the clearly pre-established relationship: the boss can reach out and put his arm around the employee to convey a message of “good job” or “you’re in my favor”.  But reverse this and see what happens: an employee touching the boss unprompted would be seen as disrespectful and perhaps even a challenge to his authority.  It says, “what are you going to do about it?”

So by expressing a desire to shake hands first it can seem as is you are seeking to touch the other guy from a position of strength.  This can be very subtle and probably makes little more than a subliminal impact, but those are usually the best kind!

When you get into the habit of being ‘touch aggressive’ on a regular basis you will begin to establish a bit more respect for yourself.  There will be some push-back from time to time as men continue to jockey against each other for just that shade more status than the other guy (I’m stronger, more intelligent, more courageous, wealthier, etc.).  But at least now you’re playing the game instead of being quickly dispatched off the board by guys who size-up your reluctance to “go first” as an automatic win for themselves.

4.  Speak up. In the same vein as the previous point about handshakes your verbal thrust (or lack thereof) makes a statement about you as well.  The loudest mouth in a group of men is often the alpha.  In one-on-one conversations, alpha usually carries the conversation in some way — from being the more informed or interesting party, to actually giving direct commands in some cases, while the “beta” shuts up and listens!

Another thing the beta male often does to cement his lower status is attempt to sanitize or otherwise try to frame what he’s saying so as not to provoke alpha.  For instance, in that employee-boss situation, the employee may try to break some bad news to the boss softly or in a hedged fashion so as to minimize his displeasure (and possible wrath!).

Whereas the boss simply states his mind with no regard as to how his words may make his subordinate “feel”.  (i.e., “You’re fired Johnson!”)

In neutral encounters where there is no pre-established pecking order, the one who ISN’T afraid to speak up first is usually given a higher status grade by most women who would casually observe such an encounter.

So even if it means stating the obvious, just do it.  Because the actual content of what you’re saying conveys less critical information than the silent signal delivered by just who is talking to whom.  Get it?

Again, subliminal.  But that’s why they call it making an impression.  And these impressions will stack-up in your favor with repeated expression.

5.  Drop Dead and Smile. Now we’re back to your interactions with women.  Nervousness and fidgety jumpiness conveys a signal of having little personal confidence.  Also when we’re nervous we rarely smile but instead wear a mask of concern that can look angry.  This generally doesn’t make a great first impression on women, unless you know how to pull off the strong, brooding, silent type of vibe (although if you could I doubt you would be reading this now!)

A better way to go is to smile and make great eye contact and generally just MODEL the sort of reaction that you want reflected back at you.  Again, imagine the man of considerable status and power: master of his universe, he is calm and collected as he moves through life.  No nervous fidgeting that might reveal an underlying insecurity about… what?  His social skills, his bank account, his fading virility?  Ha!… not a chance!

And yet that’s what YOUR nervousness can convey about you if you’re not careful.

Still nervous anyway?  It’s okay so long as it doesn’t show itself too much visibly.  Again, you can use this little mechanical trick to help yourself out: just hold a thumb pinched between your two fingers on the same hand and squeeze as tightly as you have to.  This gives your nervous system a focal point in the body to quietly discharge itself — allowing the rest of your muscles to relax and stop quivering.  To “drop dead”.

This allows you to project a vibe of calmness that makes that awesome subliminal High Status impression on women which can go very far towards getting you some return interest from them!

6.  Become Comfortable With Silence. This is just the opposite of Point #1… i.e., overthinking everything that you want to say, rejecting it all and then saying nothing at all!

Some guys can’t tolerate any lull in a conversation with a girl and will seek to keep up a constant stream of nervous chatter because, well, they’re nervous.  But just consider for a moment a romantic scene from a typical movie: isn’t it during those moments of silence when the words run out that all the truly important communication begins… spoken with long, penetrating looks and perhaps the first stages of physical contact?

These pivotal moments of emotional / romantic connection will never occur however if you continue to prattle over every potential close moment like Woody Allen on speed!  This blab serves no purpose other than to keep your own anxieties at bay, so stop it!

Remember, one of the principle skills of the seducer is to seize upon moments of conversational lull and use them to move beyond words… to begin guiding a woman towards an eventual physical connection.  This is a skill you want to work on for yourself beginning today.  So the next time you find yourself blabbing away to cover up an uncomfortable silence, try sending her a silent signal of appreciation with your eyes instead.

Remember, YOU may be uncomfortable with silence, but women are drawn into it. Learn to exploit this phenomenon for yourself.

7.  Change Something About Yourself to Improve Your Edge and Get Noticed. LSM’s tend to become socially invisible after a while and will silently fade away into the background.  You need to do something different to start lighting-up on her radar screen!

No need to undergo any sort of colossal surgical makeover either — improving just ONE small but significant thing about yourself can be enough to break everyone’s old, cemented image of you and force them to begin reconsidering who you are.  Grow your hair long, or shave it off.  Get a tat (or a new one that’s cooler).  Try showing up in nice khaki’s instead of the usual dirty jeans — or if you’re a button-down suit-and-tie guy then try loosening up your look a little.  This kind of thing acts as a shock to the system (both to the people around you AND to yourself) and might finally start getting you noticed, maybe for the first time ever! Simple but effective.

–

Well there’s 7 ideas to get you started down the path to some potentially exciting personal change.  Notice what I didn’t tell you to do though… I didn’t tell you to go out and get an expensive new wardrobe or to get rich somehow and buy yourself a flashy new car and some kickin’ bling.  The typical things you might think would be necessary to raise a guys’ status so that women begin noticing him.  These can be your long range goals to change and improve your life, but you must crawl before you can walk and it’s easy to become overwhelmed and discouraged if you try to tackle the task of massive personal change head-on from several directions at once.  Most of us probably wouldn’t even know where to begin!

So your first step will be to assume some of the behaviors of the HSM (even is simulation) and use the improved reactions from women as a basis to build your confidence up, and then just continue moving forward from there.  Remember, the goal is to raise the appearance of your male status for the purpose of getting your foot in the door romantically… getting a momentary flash of interest from a chick that you can then seize upon and begin to build off of.  One step at a time, right?

ALSO VERY IMPORTANT: This non-verbal signal of male attractiveness sets the table in such a way to make it possible for you to avoid being rejected as much as possible.  Otherwise you are constantly trying to fly in the face of a hurricane of female disinterest, and it won’t be long before your fledgling confidence is shattered completely.  You must avoid this.

None of these seven things require any huge investment of money either.  What they mostly require is an awareness of yourself — how you act around others and the effect that it has on them.  By adopting this sort of “fake it before you make it” idea of self-improvement you can begin to bootstrap yourself up out of your current behavioral rut and start to create little social breakthroughs for yourself here and there.  These successes are crucial though because they provide bits of inspiration to keep you motivated and moving forward, always improving… getting smarter with each failure and more confident with each success!

Before you know it, you’ll be looking back 1, 2 or ten years later only to realize that the entire trajectory of your life has changed enormously for the better as a result of these simple beginning efforts.

Just don’t write me NEXT Valentine’s Day bitching that you have this hot little girlfriend now who’s demanding silly gifts and expensive bling.  I warned you!

What kind of advice do you have for guys like me who are about to graduate college and enter the working world, but only just recently began improving their relations towards girls?

Barry

Hi Barry,

Thanks for writing.  Well, I don’t know if you’ve read any of my materials but you ask a very broad question that I address in various different ways in my books and audios, so I wouldn’t know where to begin trying to synopsize all that down into a simple bit of magical advice that I can give you.

One thing that I think you may have overlooked in all this agonizing though is motivation.  And I don’t just mean motivation to chase after women, but a motivation to do all those scary and potentially painful things that you must do (such as face down your fears, actually approach women and not just dream about it, etc.) in order to make serious changes in your life.

There’s no painless way to catch up once you’ve fallen behind the average person in terms of romantic skills — there will be embarrassment and bad emotions to experience and push through as you stumble and bumble your way to eventual competence.  It’s like anything else that you’ve been studying at school.

Here’s the one big thing to remember: the longer that you wait to tackle the chore of learning these skills the more embarrassing and difficult it will be to swallow the inevitable flubs that you will surely make along the way.  That’s because we naturally assume a greater level of romantic and social skill in people as they age, and when this experience is missing it diminishes us greatly.  The awkward romantic mistakes made at 16 may be laughable and expected — but those same mistakes made at 36 are sad and can sometimes even seem tragic.  So DO get to work facing down your fears and get this stuff handled — those fears won’t always self-correct, as a lot of people think they will.

Get yourself motivated to run that gauntlet of fear and fuck-ups!

Finally, you should understand that the “23 year old virgin” thing does actually leave an invisible stink on you that many women can actually sense before you even say anything to them — and this often ruins your chances to make a powerful, high status male impression right off the bat.  In this ” virgin mode” you’re always fighting an uphill battle again a nasty bad vibe that you’re sending out ahead of yourself… making the task of hooking up far more difficult than it should be.

I would therefore make the somewhat radical suggestion to you that you get yourself an escort or a hooker or something and just get laid already. Just be done with this whole virginity deal!  The longer you wait the more you end up over-thinking the whole thing until you’re completely locked-up on the issue. Hiring a courtesan is actually a time-honored way for a boy to become a man, and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.  Just keep it all on the down low if you want to and no one will ever have to know your business.  (Although maybe some of your frat bro’s could help hook you up?… if it wouldn’t destroy your rep with them to even ask such a thing?)

The important thing is to just get the stink of pussy ON you and get that virgin stench OFF you! Then you will experience a more natural shift in your attitude that will be far more attractive to women and give you a real shot with them.  Don’t get yourself all tangled up worrying about the “right way” to lose your virginity –  women obsess about that sort of shit (some of them, anyway).  Guys just need to get the V label off them and move on.  Hope this gets you thinking and ultimately motivated to begin staring down your fears.

The other day I received a sad letter from a guy who seems to have completely hit bottom in a social sense.  He wrote of having been unable to function around people since high school, of being the butt of universal scorn, humor and disrespect all his life.  Embarrassment and shattered courage dogged his every failed attempt to connect with women.  What this man described to me sounded more than just a case of ordinary rejection fear and more like full blown social phobia.  He talked about having been bullied, humiliated and put down by his peers and possibly even his own family while growing up, although it wasn’t clear to me if this later fact was true.  I would bet that his upbringing contributed in some way though, by instilling in him a high degree of shame about some critical aspect of his own sense of self-worth.

So I wrote him back, and now I’d like to share some of my thoughts with you concerning this issue of being trapped in a private hell of social isolation — at least from my humble layman’s perspective (a layman who’s read over 1,000 letters from shy and troubled men all across the world, however…).

Life-long, repeated negative re-enforcement of any stimulus — good or bad — has an almost hypnotic effect on the unconscious mind.  Relentless psychological abuse becomes a form of brainwashing that fosters chronic feelings of loss and helplessness, which then becomes deeply integrated into your soul.  It makes you begin to doubt what your actual value to the world and to the people in your life might even be — while drawing a line around what is and isn’t possible for you to accomplish by creating a high barrier of self-limiting beliefs.

A person who’s been mistreated all his life soon becomes something like a dog that’s been beaten since it was a puppy… until it ultimately learns to cower in fear of everyone.  In the case of people, we tend to lose trust in ourselves and our own natural talents.  You then begin to get caught up in a personal passion play involving the poisonous emotion of Self-Hatred.

How self-hatred works in the human consciousness is really pretty nasty because it causes you to make a ‘devil’s bargain’ in your head that goes something like this: focus on something that’s very important to you (money, respect, authority, friends / family, women or love) and deny yourself access to that pleasure by engaging in some manner of subtle self-sabotage (i.e., self defeating behavior), which then makes it impossible to bring these elements into your life.

For those of us with social anxieties, the self-hatred usually turns it’s destructive forces upon our desire to connect with others and have meaningful relationships with them.  The other half of the bargain has to do with green-lighting various other addictions “as compensation” for the pain being caused… such as drugs, food, chronic masturbation, etc.

Now the yin-yang of failure is firmly locked in your skull!

Your unconscious mind then sets about re-enforcing this distorted, dark image that it has created by having you act in bizarre or socially awkward ways that will cause this precisely envisioned reality of rejection and social scorn to form itself around you.  The subconscious, self-hating “you” can then look around and think: “see, I was right all along… you are a complete social incompetent, and everyone hates you!”. It has now become what they call self-referencing, having created it’s own proof that it is correct in it’s twisted view of you.  You have become your own “bitch” in a sense.

This type of mental self-destruction doesn’t have to focus itself on your social life either.  A person’s self-hating machinery can just as easily create a life situation where you are flat broke all the time (via low paying job, gambling, divorce+child support, etc.) IF it thinks that money is the most important thing in your life.  But for many of the socially inhibited, your self-hate has decided that love and companionship are what you really desire the most, and so THAT’S where this beast has targeted its point of torture.

The actual mechanics of social / romantic self-hatred in action are rather straightforward: you become convinced on a deep unconscious level of your worthlessness as a person… so much so that you begin to PRE-reject yourself in every little minor social encounter before the other person has even had a chance to make their own unique assessment of you.  You are helping them “see” what an LSM (low status male) you really are so they don’t get it wrong! Your behavior acts as a signal that broadcasts “worthless human approaching, get ready to laugh…” and is picked up and unconsciously acted upon by others.  A kind of self fulfilling prophecy.

Understand this: people are not mind readers. They watch for body language and verbal clues being broadcast from YOU to decide how they should be feeling about you.  Are you harmless or a threat to them?  Open or cautious, secretive or friendly?  What’s the deal with you?  This is how people reflexively think because meeting strangers always entails a certain amount of fear.  It’s inbred into us after millions of years of evolution where it has served our survival.  In modern societies where we are mostly protected from random strangers harming us however, it tends to get in the way of our social progress quite a bit.

So do you get what I’m saying here?…  people will pick up and then COPY however it is that you seem to regard yourself. Then they will attach this label to you (accurate or not) and it becomes their first and most powerful impression of you!

Remember what I said… people are NOT mind readers.  I’m stressing this because I want you to understand the vital importance of the signals that you are sending out with your behaviors and actions (not even necessarily with your words — you can make a “silent” bad impression on someone too).

Imagine for instance that you present yourself to someone when first meeting them as being powerful and genuine and charismatic, and they think to themselves: “Hmmm, this guy seems to have a high regard for himself for some reason (which they cannot know why yet), so I guess I’ll show him some respect until he gives me a reason to do otherwise”.

But if you present yourself instead as shy and ashamed and embarrassed for no apparent reason they will think: “Why is this guy acting like this?  What’s he hiding?  Why can’t he look me in the eye… is he a thief or a pervert or something?  He seems scared or ashamed of himself, and because he doesn’t seem to respect himself, then I guess I don’t like him either…”.

People perform these gymnastics of the mind instantly and effortlessly — almost like an instinct.  That’s why first impressions are so darn critical… we all have sensitive antenna that (we think) allows us to identify the unsavory or undesirable personalities around us immediately.  You cannot defeat this universal character of human nature, you have to learn how to play it instead.

So here’s the pattern the typical LSM develops over time: You’ve made a sweeping, negative shame-based judgement of yourself, taught yourself to hate yourself for being this “horrible” person, and then developed a ROUTINE that runs with machine-like precision to torture yourself in the cruelest way possible.  This monster is on public display for everyone to watch it work, adding to the humiliation.

Your actions and nervousness then transmit these negative self-judgements for others to pick up upon and reflect back at you.  …But it is YOU who were originally responsible for everyone’s low regard because you were the first guy to make this judgement of yourself!

-

Now there are two basic ways to go about changing all this cyclic poor thinking in yourself — you can either seek out the kind of therapy or self-help that tries to root out the original past hurts that have molded your personality into its’ present crippled form…

Or, you can begin to look at your awkward social behaviors simply as a collection of bad mechanical habits that you’ve consistently repeated over and over to the point where you’ve become like a droid running on unconscious auto-pilot.  The task then becomes one of trying to replace these bad mechanical habits with more useful ones that advance your social status rather than tear it down into the gutter.  How to turn around a life in the process of failing in this way?  I suggest using the following resources which together probably won’t cost you more than a few bucks:

First, get yourself schooled-up on the nature of self-hatred, almost in the way that a therapist would understand it.  Learn to break the back of your own self-hate by digging out the mechanics behind it — and then learn how to become self-compassionate instead (because this is the only true answer to beating self-hatred).  Look at the top Amazon listing that I have provided for you here on this PUA Resources page:

Compassion and Self Hate
By Theodore I. Rubin, M.D.

This book is absolutely fantastic and sits on my own bookshelf here at home (as do the other two books listed below).  It will open your eyes to the insidious nature of this powerful negative mind-force.  You don’t have to be a crazy self-mutilator wielding a razor on yourself to be classified as self-hating — we actually ALL have a little bit of this issue going on within us to some degree… as you’ll be amazed to discover reading this book.  Your own may be pretty big, but it’s not insurmountable.  Compassion and Self Hate lays out concrete examples of how to identify and correct this mental problem in yourself.

Next, develop an understanding of the intricate framework of self-defeating behaviors that support all the bad habits that have come to exist exclusively to torment the “hated one” (…ah, that would be YOU!).  SDB’s are the tools through which self-hatred manifests itself in your physical reality. It’s those collection of behaviors and attitudes that creates the reality around you that matches the distorted image of who you are in your own mind.  In the case of the socially awkward of course, that would be all those behaviors that turn women off and cause them to reject us romantically!

Here’s a great book to teach yourself all about SDB’s:

Self-Defeating Behaviors
by Milton Cudney, PhD & Robert Hardy, EdD

Finally, go really deep inside your head and discover what toxic shame is all about — and especially understand the power that this vicious emotion has to quietly sneak up on your consciousness and completely take it over:

Healing the Shame that Binds You
by John Bradshaw

Whereas learning about self-hate and SDB’s can answer the question of “how”, the idea of toxic shame answers the question… “why”? This incredible book by John Bradshaw is the one seminal work of invaluable self-help that started me off on my own path to self-recovery, and I give it my highest recommendation.

All of these book recommendations that I’m making to you come from the heart and are completely non-commercial BTW (I’m not an Amazon affiliate presently).  These books are not just full of positive rah-rah bullshit either — each one offers a rational explanation for the thinking inaccuracies that have taken over your mind (and that’s actually all they are: mere thinking inaccuracies.  No need to make your problems any more amazing than that — it only gives them more power than they deserve.)

These thinking inaccuracies simply need to be 1) understood in theory, 2) identified as to how they operate specifically in your own life, and then 3) corrected by re-framing them into positive mental structures that replace the lousy thoughts that are presently filling your head.

Lots of work to chew on I know — but you’ve likely spent years cultivating the man who you presently are, and you can’t just turn it all around overnight.  Try to break this “inner work” up into manageable parts and work on little bits of it at a time in order to keep yourself from becoming over-whelmed and discouraged.  Celebrate every little victory and achievement along the way to making your own positive changes and keep yourself motivated!

Bottom Line: If you’re buying a lot of various different materials on meeting women and dating and you’re still not having any luck with most of it, then it might be worth starting farther back down the timeline and begin tackling some of these more basic fundamentals that underlie your personality, first.

My own and these other PUA materials will then begin to make a lot more sense to you once you’ve removed some of the mental blocks that could be preventing you from taking the REAL ACTIONS that you need to take in order to become more socially skilled and good at this stuff.  I’m talking about those scary things like live practice which goes beyond just reading about how to score with women.  Your courage will improve as your mind clears.

Hey Mike,

Here’s my story…  Since about two weeks ago I’ve been dating this really great girl.  She’s in most of my classes here at uni, which could be awkward, but thus far hasn’t been.   This girl seems to really like me (there’s been a lot of casual touching, longing stares, a lot of good laughs, we’ve even had a couple of passionate make-out sessions).

But there is a problem…  every time I ask her to come over to my place for dinner or to go out somewhere, she always seems very reluctant.   I know that she has a pretty busy social life (I think…), but seeing that we supposedly “like” each other so much I don’t understand why she can’t spare me some more of her time?

I refuse to beg her — as my instincts tell me this is NOT the right move.  On the other hand, I really do want to spent more time with her, so I feel like I should be doing something else here, but what?

I have noticed that she DOES seem to respond to a forceful dominant attitude — as I have gotten her to come over to my place once by being very direct about my desire to see her — but I’m hesitant to be this pushy because it might reveal my “too strong” of a desire to be with her which could be perceived as low status, right?

So do you think I should just keep bugging her to spend more time with me as I’ve been doing, or should I wait for her to break down and come crawling to me?  She’s a really shy girl — which I fear could mean that she might decide to stop seeing me altogether!

Gary

Hi Gary,

This girl seems to me like she’s been hurt in the past and has a lot of doubts about the two of you taking your relationship deeper towards the sexual.  She’s split between whatever desire she may have for you and paying homage to some deeper fear that is holding her back and driving her to be overly cautious about things.

The basic behaviors and expressed personality of most people is often just a pattern of habits (bad or otherwise) that come into being as a response to some kind of psychic trauma that we experienced in our past, either real or imagined.  In other words, we are all a collection of not just these deep hurts but the ‘compensatory behaviors’ that we then develop to prevent them from ever happening to us again. This makes some people assume some very odd and conflicting behaviors that make their friends and family go crazy trying to figure them out!

These behaviors are complex and can be invisible even to our own self-awareness of them –  and they can often be self destructive in all sorts of creatively different ways.  Most often it involves passing up a chance to make some sort of significant positive change in our lives IF it means not having to confront certain fears that are absolutely “off limits” to us.  Our internal Prime Directive becomes one of making certain that we remain protected and assured that “THAT” (fill in the blank of past pain…) will never happen to us again! All other considerations are secondary and even unimportant.

It’s for this reason that you sense she might even choose to completely disconnect and split away from you if you choose to use a hard-to-get type ploy on her.  Her fear (whatever it is) is still far stronger than any feelings of attachment that she might have for you at this stage of the game.  See?  You can already sense this about her!

If she’s shy and cautious you can bet there’s a reason for it — unless she’s just some big time introvert by disposition (and she doesn’t sound like it since you claim she has an active social life).  The play with a girl like this I feel is to just put in the time connecting with her and slowly drawing her out of her shell, and maybe even help her get beyond these fears somewhat. As you become closer you can get her to reveal a few of those things from her past that originally drove her into a protective shell.  This could be anything from something as silly as being picked-on in grammar school to be raped by her dad.  I’m just saying — you never know what variety of worms you’ve got in the can!

But this is really the mission of our lives isn’t is?… it’s about helping each other get beyond the garbage that holds us apart from each other.

So use whatever time that you DO get to spend with her right now to do more than just party… try getting into some deeper conversations with her and connect some more. You need to find the right balance between seeming concerned / interested and being too pushy or nosey.  A tightrope to walk, I know.  Once she starts to open up and trust you a little more though I’ll bet she becomes more fascinated with you and perhaps even obsessed with you!

This can all go horribly off the rails of course and you may find out more about her personal story than you may want to know — and she could develop such a deep bond with you as a result that you might not be able to get rid of her!  Seriously.  Once some people finally DO feel comfortable enough to open up to someone else it can be like an emotional damn bursting… and you’re the one who’s standing in the valley!

So another thing you have to do is decide if you’re going to commit the time and energy into doing all this connecting work, or if it will cut too much into your studies at university or become too much of a burden on you.  Remember that there’s plenty of fish swimming around in the environment that you’re in.  I’m just sayin’.

BTW, your being forceful and dominant is in no way LSM, to the contrary it is the mark of the HSM who goes after what he desires in life and is not afraid to crash through a few barriers to get it! The alpha male assumes his right to possess anything that he chooses (until he’s challenged, but that’s another story…).  So it’s okay to press forward against her reluctance, just don’t grovel or engage in acts of self-humiliation in the process.

Because THAT’s too high a price for anything in life!

Hello Mike,

I’d like to ask your advice on how to deal with the embarrassment of when you ask a woman for her phone number and she says no, then you see her again and there’s an unpleasant tension that wasn’t there before.

Thanks in advance
Jake

Hi Jake,

There’s only one good way to handle this kind of softball rejection and that’s to roll right over it like it never happened. Act NO differently towards her than you did before.  Remember, an HSM never apologizes for his desires as a man.  Act friendly and happy and normal.  It’s no big deal.  You ask women out all the time… (this is the attitude you want to project)… so what?  Sometimes you can’t even recall which ones you asked or not!

The worse thing that you can do is go into a pout… this is classic LSM behavior that will only convince her that she made the right decision to turn you down in the first place.  If you go the HSM route instead, it won’t be long before she begins to think just the opposite — that maybe she made a mistake!  Then she’ll start flirting with you again.  Accept her “penance” with good humor and consider giving her a second chance if she “begs” for it with more intense flirting and body language than usual.

Listen… a rejection, if played properly, actually provides you with the perfect opportunity to separate yourself from the typical hang-dog shmucks that women are used to blowing off, by reacting in a way that demonstrates that you are an HSM instead.  Lo & behold… NOW they’re interested!

Hey Mike,

I’ve been loving your book, it’s really hit home on several things. I can relate to much of it and it has been invaluable.

First a little background.  I met this girl out one night and we ended up back at my place. That was February. I called her a couple of days later, then didn’t run into her until the next week on campus.  She said she had enjoyed being with me, and still had my number. (Obviously I had not been actively pursuing her, calling all the time, etc.)

Long story short, she called me that Sunday night and we hooked up again.  All good.  So she left for spring break and will be back soon.  She did call out of the blue this past week from home just to say “hi” and said that we should get together when she gets back.  Things seem to be going great so far, but I want to stay ahead of the game on this.  I can see myself wanting to revert back to some “nice guy” ways, but I know that is probably the wrong thing to do.

Here’s my question — If and when this thing develops into a relationship, what do women want and/or what do they need once they decide they want to have a relationship with you?

Barry

Hi Barry,

Thanks for your kind words about the book, I’m glad that it’s been helpful to you.

As for your situation… it seems like you’re moving along pretty good on this thing. Two phases exist at the start of relationships — pivotal to your chances — that you should keep in mind.  You have to play them sort of ‘bad cop – good cop’.  First you’re the “bad” cop (which is enticing), then your the “good” cop AFTER you reach phase 2, in order to seal the deal.

Phase One is pre-’first sex’. The balance of power shifts from girl to guy when the first episode of sex occurs.  In the beginning, (the pre-sex part of dating) the woman holds all of the power.  Either you perform the way she wants (dominant male) or you’re rejected.  The guy basically is walking a fine line between trying to keep her interested and trying NOT to piss her off or bore her so that he can get into her pants.  Problem is that she knows this all too well, AND IS TESTING THE HELL OUT OF YOU to make her decision as to whether or not to give it up to you.  That’s because she understands that once she does, the balance of power in the relationship shifts over to the guy, and stays there pretty much for good (until we marry them, then all bets are off…

You job here is to make sure that you don’t get too “pally wally” with her and end up killing the budding passion… and end up in the “friends” zone.  If this happens you’re dead… and you’ll get the “I think you’re a great guy, but we should just be friends…” brush off.  Make sure that you keep some edge and mystery about yourself, and don’t get too self-introspective — as this puts you in a bad light by revealing too many of your flaws, thus killing all the mystery.  Save all that for Phase 2 when the idea is to BOND her to you as a loyal partner and lover for good.

Phase Two is post-sex. She has felt enough trust in your character to hand over the power in the relationship by having sex with you.  She’s betting that you don’t cut and run, or suddenly undergo a change in that character.  You now have the power to disappoint her and break her heart. If you really like her and want to lay the groundwork for a healthy and fun relationship, study the section in the book about meeting her Four Primary Emotional Needs, beginning on page 204.  If you can be this kind of guy for her, your bond of love (and increasingly better sex) will grow as she comes to see you as possibly the best guy she’ll ever find.  Then you can steer her towards fulfill YOUR 4 primary emotional needs, and bingo… well, it doesn’t get any better than this.  The near-perfect relationship.  Relationships that start this way have a lot of staying power.

The tough part, and the part that only YOU can decide, is IF this is the girl that you want to go down this road with in the first place.

Mike,

I ordered the book a few months ago, but I’m still having a problem with an area.  How would a dominant male respond to a situation where another person keeps picking with them?  Like ordering me to do some work faster and faster, and then other people join in on the fun.  I get angry, but they keep picking on me even more.  Also, what is the dominant male display that attracts women?  I guess I’m just having trouble summarizing the book into a general statement of dominant behavior.  Please help this recovering “nice guy”.  Thank you so much for your book — it has changed my life for the better.

– Bill

Hi Bill,

Looks like you’ve got a situation going on that will take some courage and fortitude to correct, but you’ll be transformed by the effort and ultimately glad you did it, trust me.

For a girl to become a woman, she has to pass through the pain of childbirth.  A man has a similar passage to his life’s station, though it’s not always as obvious.  It seems to me that the people around you have flagged you as an LSM and are having fun with it.  This is how they keep themselves propped up at whatever level they happen to be at — by stepping on guys like you.  You’re going to have to stand up and challenge these pricks and force them to change how they regard you. I know it’s not easy and it can be frightening, but this is the pain that men have to suffer sometimes in order to become men who are respected… and not just by other men, but ultimately by women too.

The thing I’m going to recommend is that you get some physical fighting skills, first.  Find a martial arts place that has self-defense classes.  You don’t need to go for any belts or anything radical, just get some basic training.  This will improve your confidence.  Don’t tell anyone what you are doing, this is going to be your little surprise. When you feel you’re ready, get in the face of the next prick who tries to put you down and tell him to fuck off.  Hold solid eye contact.  He’ll be stunned because he’s used to you folding and scurrying back to your lower position on the male status ladder without question (where he’s come to feel that you belong).  But now you’re going to make his life uncomfortable by challenging him… you want HIS spot!

Watch the punk sweat… he didn’t expect this.  See how far he wants to take it.  Don’t fold, make HIM back down.  If you can do all of this in front of others (who think the same of you) all the better.  Watch how, after the situation is over, they all shut up — hell… most of them won’t even look you in the eye any more.  This is an act of submission on their part. You’re going to disrupt a lot of forgone conclusions about yourself and get people thinking some uncomfortable thoughts… and that’s the real FUN part of it!  Screwing with their heads. Many times, you don’t have to even get physical… male posturing is often just that — a test of wills.  Who backs down first? (Hint: the guy who senses that he’s going to be the one to lose, that’s who).

And don’t give a shit about losing this job or anything else either, if you have to break some dude’s nose (even if its your boss)… you can always find honest work somewhere.  Your done with that job and those group of people anyway.  Your honor and self-respect are the most important things to worry about right now. You’ll achieve great things in life from that springboard.  As a lifelong LSM, however, you’ll end up mopping floors for minimum wage and getting married to the first fat girl who actually seems to like you. (Know of any miserable bastards like this?)

You have now moved off the Male Status basement floor and are beginning your climb up the ladder of social status. I had to do this when I was in high school my freshman year.  I was just a skinny little guy… just the type these bigger pricks like to pick on.  ONE TIME I had to stand up for myself.  One time. After that, no one ever bothered me for the remaining 4 years (and I didn’t know how to fight, and actually got my ass kicked!  I should’ve got some martial arts training first…)  But that didn’t matter, bruises heal.  I was respected for my courage.  This is how men have to settle out their positions in life.  After fisticuffs, will come workplace and financial status battles later on in your life — different but all “the same” really.  Who’s gonna be on top?

You want the dominant male behavior patterns summed up in one word?  How about confidence — in your abilities, in your self-respect, in your place on the social status ladder.  And you can’t fabricate confidence by sitting in your room alone chanting affirmations at a blank wall. It can’t be faked or hypnotized into yourself.  It comes from the real actions you are willing to take in the real world.  When you hit your stride and get to know this feeling, it acts as an invisible lure to women everywhere — and it works without you even knowing it.

So buck up, get your training and steel yourself to experience some pain and discomfort.  The Boy takes his fear with him into the cocoon.  He comes out the other side a Man.

Hi Mike,

I just downloaded your free report “The Three Keys to Seducing Any Woman”.  Overall the Course was excellent, EXCEPT for the very last section entitled “Manage Your Horniness Instead of Letting It Manage You“. I think you made a huge error in this section!!!! I hope you rewrite the section, because it is very bad advice that flies in the face of the advice given by every book/source on seduction that I have ever studied (i.e. Ross Jeffries “Equalizer”, to state just one example, where he recommends adjusting your horniness to a minimum level when you first meet a woman).

In my opinion, the alpha male is always getting laid.  Thus, when he is out with a group of guys he will typically be the least horniest of the group (i.e.. because he is getting laid and knows he can get laid any time he wants).  Hot women pick up on this because hot women don’t want guys who are too needy.  They want a guy who is “validated” (i.e.. already getting laid by a woman).  Do you see what I’m saying?  A guy who gets laid a lot won’t be as horny as a guy who never gets laid…

A horny guy is needy.  That is a MAJOR turn off to a beautiful woman.  I chat with a beautiful woman online and I’m good friends with her (she lives too far away to pursue, so I just practice my material on her).  One of her quotes is that “it is easy to catch the eye of a horny guy”.  I memorized this quote because it spoke volumes of the mind set of a beautiful woman.  She thinks very little of the typical horny guys that she meets every day.

Watch a James Bond movie.  James Bond is NEVER horny or lusts over a woman.   He is cool.  Being horny is un-cool.

Lastly, most of my “single and looking” buddies never get laid by HOT women.  That is because they are horny and thus willing to settle for unattractive/fat women just to get their rocks off.  I WOULD never go for a unattractive/fat woman! In my opinion, taking care of the situation manually is preferable to sleeping with a woman that is not my type.

George

Hi George,

Perhaps I didn’t make it clear enough that there’s a “good” horny and a “bad” horny in the 3 Keys Mini-Course.  You do have a good point about some horny guys being too desperate to get laid.  But it’s not really their horniness that’s turning women off, it’s their emotional neediness (a major LSM red-flag).

There are actually 2 types of “sexually laid back” guys that you need to distinguish between.  The first guy is getting lots of trim.  His success makes him mellow around women because, in addition to being sexually fulfilled, he’s emotionally satisfied by his relationships with them.  This is a very attractive quality to project around other women.  However, he possesses a high motivation to chase after those women (and this is important) because he still needs their real, live, hot little bodies for his sexual fulfillment. You see, his primary motivator is SEX DRIVE, not fear… so his success with women, while making him mellow, still leaves him driven to continue meeting and mating.  He’s actually quite horny most of the time — but his horniness is based on real world interactions with women (rather than deprivation of them) and therefore it is perceived as being cool.

The 2nd guy is also mellow, but that’s because his “mega-wackin’ lifestyle” has pretty much drained away most of his sex drive, plain and simple.  He seems horny — although truthfully he’s not craving sex with real women at all (he’s too scared).  Instead, what he’s really after is emotional satisfaction, because no amount of wackin’ can provide what a real woman does for a man in this regard.  Because his sex drive is always so low, however, his primary core motivator is FEAR — and that acts to block his ability to move on real women.  This doesn’t actually matter to him though — because he only requires some really good fantasy material to fulfill his primary sexual-masturbation needs anyway, not actual flesh and blood women (although he doesn’t always realize this).  He can get this just by staying “close enough” to hot women (at school or at work, hanging out platonically with his buddy’s girlfriends, at strip clubs, etc.) to keep his porno fantasies fueled.

Low sex drive, high fear, and no need for a real woman in his life (at least not to achieve sexual fulfillment, anyway).  Hey, it’s a wonderful nerd’s life! The only thing really missing from the LSM’s universe is the emotional satisfaction provided by a real woman.  And yet this is what he soon finds himself most desperate for… but this missing element becomes a huge turnoff because the typical socially-inept behaviors that usually accompany this kind of lifestyle scream out that women are a scarcity in his life.

If he could only get rid of that damn need… why, the LSM would be in hog heaven.  But he can’t.  And the fact that he can’t is why he’s seen as being needy, and thus unattractive to women — not merely because he’s “horny”.

You don’t have to go completely celibate or anything to make this kind of fundamental change in your success with women, that would be counter-productive in the other direction.  Just trim back your “wackin’ workload” a little and begin to experience a greater surge of your positive male lifeforce.

There is this girl at my school, she is very hot and has a spunky fun loving attitude.  The very first time I saw her though I acted very immature, needy, and clingy. I started writing letters to her asking for more of her attention.  Soon, I realized that this was completely suicidal!   Last year I began to become more mature, and she started to ease up on the bitch shield somewhat.   Now I’m able to talk to her just fine and sometimes even make her laugh.  I have three questions…

First, there is this other guy who she is always hanging around with and who I think is a pretty good friend of hers.   Although you wouldn’t know it at first glance (because he looks like your average nerd) he seems to trump me in all the crucial places.   He is way wittier than I am and better with the physical contact and body language.  He’s in every class that I have with her, so she often pays more attention to him than me.  How do I compete against this guy?

Second, is it possible to move this relationship any further, even after the fact that she’s known me for more than 3 years and during that time I did some really stupid shit?

Third, supposing that I could make her mine, there is one big problem in the way.  She already has a boyfriend, a guy who knows how to show her excellent sex and who is by far the most confident, cocky, alpha-male guy that I have ever known.   He embodies the ‘bad boy’ persona, can make anyone laugh, can belittle even the most confident of men, and if angered, can be an extremely dangerous dude to try and fight.   Luckily, he doesn’t go to my school anymore because he graduated, but this girl is still crazy about him.   So, again, supposing there was a way that I could make her mine, how would I go about both dismantling her from him and dealing with him if we ever had a confrontation?

Greg

Hi Greg,

Sheesh, this is pretty much a lost cause and I’ll tell you why… almost everything to do with scoring women hinges on the first impression, and yours was not only bad it was bad and lengthy.  Whenever you find that you’ve dug yourself a deep hole, the first rule is always to STOP DIGGING!   If you fuck up and make a really bad first, un-romantic impression on a woman, and then dig the hole even deeper like you did with all that clingy shit, you’re double dead from that point on.  If she files you away in the loser category then that’s where you tend to stay, and the passage of time does little to help the situation.

It’s all about that initial snap of chemistry, and if she doesn’t feel it you’re not going to be feeling anything either!

You need to compete with other men by doing what I talk about all throughout the book by doing those things that make you more attractive to women.   At your age, male status is mostly about athletic power and the ability to intimidate other men into respecting you.   As you get older, you can improve your status by acquiring money and position / authority in society.   For now, this is a great lesson in how NOT to present yourself to a woman.   These other guys were able to do it in a way that got her thinking about them in sexy-romantic ways.   The way you did it was just the opposite and the effect lingered on.

Guys tend to forgive and forget over the course of time and grant second chances — women remember everything like it just happened yesterday.  Even if you did improve your game and presentation to her 1000% (which should be your goal), you will always be that nerd who acted like an asshole — and she won’t be badgered or tricked into feeling any other way about you.   I know this sucks to hear, but if I don’t tell you who will?   You’re young, there are tons of women still out there for you. Obsessing makes you look weak… because the HSM has an abundance of women in his life, right?   This is the attitude you need to adopt, even if you’re not there yet.   You can bet her “bad boy” boyfriend gives off this vibe!

Pull the lesson out of this deal and move forward — your future success will ultimately be your best revenge.  I fucked the duck with about 3 different girls just like this when I was in HS and was never able to recover from it.  To this day they still probably think I’m a fool!

My victory is that I don’t give a shit anymore.  I moved on and created newer, better memories with new women, and those others have faded away into the haze of history.  Time for you now to dump the past and move forward with a clean slate as well.