Tag: how to pick up women
Whenever a rookie straight out of college first begins playing in the National Football League, one of the first things that usually gives him trouble is adapting to the higher SPEED of the game. One extra second spent zig-zagging around behind the line of scrimmage looking for a large enough hole to waltz through, and those lightning-fast linebackers will be on you in a flash.
Look, only the cream of the college crop get drafted into the NFL every year. This means that, relative to college level teams anyway, every NFL team is an All Star Team. Even the crappiest.
Well, that’s a good analogy, because here’s something that a lot of guys don’t seem to get about the social nature of interacting with and seducing women: the speed of the game. Especially in the early moments.
What I mean is this: women for the most part generally know within 45-90 seconds of their first meeting with ANY guy whether or not he has any chance whatsoever to make hay with her romantically. THAT’S how snap their judgements of men can be. This is why you must understand how important first impressions are when it comes to capturing the romantic attention of women. Bungle a first impression and you could very well have an impossible mission ahead of you trying to recover.
Guys tend to think they have all sorts of time to slowly grind down a chick by hanging around and repeatedly making a “helpful” pest of himself, either at work or school or whatever. They believe that she’ll eventually break down and come to see how wonderful and lovable he is.
I’m telling you right now, FORGET that theory, it is not reality.
Whether it’s because women are just so haphazardly frivolous, or just so incredibly skilled at dissecting and deciphering the true intentions of men, is part of their feminine mystery. It’s probably a little of both. But the fact remains that for the most part “the game” with any particular woman is oftentimes won or lost within the first minute or two of meeting her. Read that again if you have to and drill it in, because it will sharpen your mindset when it comes to dealing with women.
To get a little scientific about it, this automatic screening process is called cognitive disregard – and once you have been placed into the “uninteresting-or-just-not-my-type” category in a woman’s mind (which can happen in seconds), you effectively become invisible to her and may as well not exist. At least in a romantic sense. If you have ever tried to force along a conversation with a woman who has made this judgement of you, and she refuses to even meet your eye while you talk, you have been cognitively disregarded my friend. Game over.
To prevent this from happening, you’ll always want to set yourself apart from the boring mass of men as much as possible in order to attract a woman’s attention and get her wheels turning. You can do this with your look, style, physique, general appearance, etc.) but these are only surface characteristics that will either re-enforce your juice in real time or kill it.
It is the total package of how you use your body, your facial expression, willingness to make and hold eye contact, etc., rather than what you actually talk to her about. That’s important: it’s not the content of an opening conversation, it’s the delivery.
As far as women are concerned, the key to a great first impression is demonstrating a bit of self-restraint or what I call personality balance. For instance, you always want to be a bit funny and show a sense of humor around women, but you don’t want to go overboard and become a full blown “jokin’ a-hole”. Know what I mean? Seem confident to whatever degree you can manage, but don’t act arrogant – that will only come off as phoney and maybe even ridiculous. (Simply convince yourself that you do this all the time and that it’s just another routine part of your life, flirting with cute girls, that is.)
Show off a bit of clever intelligence, but don’t come across as some kind of know-it-all dork who cynically dismisses everyone else’s “stupid” opinion at every turn. That’s obnoxious, not impressive. Show her that you’re ambitious and career-minded, but don’t make it sound like you’re an obsessed workaholic who has no life beyond your job or career. See what I mean here? Balance. It’s about walking the line between silly extremes to make yourself seem fun and normal. With just a touch of intrigue and mystery to boot.
This is the posture from which you can now ask for a date and have a reasonable chance of NOT being shot down. That’s rejection control!
Some more quick tips about how to make a positive first impression, even if you feel that your life is mostly mundane and uninteresting:
1) Don’t be completely dismissive about what you do for a living. In fact, think ahead and try to find some aspect of it to play up and make sound cool or unique. Remember, you want to draw her into your world, not scare her away with boredom! Therefore, you’re NOT a short-order cook… you’re a minimalist culinary artist. And someday you want to have your own restaurant. See? Sell her on your dreams!
2) Focus more on the people-centered aspect of your profession (which interests women) and less on the technical details (which usually bores them). For instance, if you’re a photographer, talk more about the interesting people that you’ve photographed and less about megapixels and f-stops.
3) Play up any and all of your future dreams for advancement in your field, or maybe even your ongoing pursuit of some new “dream” profession or idea. This shows that you have some genuine ambition for yourself and are not just resigned to remaining stuck wherever you currently happen to be in life. That turns women on. Like a well-developed character in a novel, you always want to paint your life experience as being rich and complex in order to hold her fascination… and maybe even get her to join in with your personal ’cause’ as well.
Finally, the most important thing to remember about meeting girls is that genuine “perfect chances” to meet someone really special are few and far between. So carpe diem my friend, as the old Romans used to say. Seize the day when those chances do occur.
And then conquer her!
By Guest Writer
What is the Cause of Attraction?
Attraction between men and women… what lies at it’s heart? As one of the great mysteries of all Time, it’s a tough nut to crack. Since the beginning of our species, we’ve asked ourselves – what exactly makes a woman attracted to a man?
Some will say it’s looks alone. Some will say personality. What about buzzwords like confident and genuine? Where does wealth and power play into all of this?
The truth of the matter is when women are attracted to a man, many times they can’t even pinpoint themselves what they were attracted to. Have you ever heard a woman say, “There was just something about him”? It’s obvious that attraction is complicated. Let’s break it down.
Undoubtedly, looks play an integral role in initial attraction. When you meet someone for the first time, the only thing you have to judge them by is their looks. Clearly, that’s the case for both men and women.You can’t do much to change your facial features, but there’s a lot you can do.
I suppose it HAD to happen someday: with all the major advances in psychology and behavioral science in the past decade, I knew that a REAL doctor was going to come along one day and figure out how to seduce a woman with methods that would be precise, scientific and tested.
And now it’s happened.
Psychologist Dr. David Tan has become a minor celebrity in Asia, where he was actually pushed out of a prominent teaching position at a top university for conducting social-sexual research that was deemed too controversial. You see, Dr. Tan’s research into the question of “what makes a woman want to sleep with a man?…” happened to offend too many of his stuffy academic peers, and they waged a successful protest for his removal.
But WE love this guy don’t we?… a guy who aims to answer those truly great life questions such as, “How do I get that hot bitch over there interested in boffing me?…” — questions that are genuinely important for the enrichment of our lives. 😉
Ten Signs She’s Interested
Here’s a really solid vid I found from a cute girl who calls herself “Hot Alpha Female”. She has some excellent advice about sharpening your social recognition skills so that you can “read” a girl that you’re working for signs of return interest. This sounds like it should be obvious but there are a lot of things to watch for, and I summarized a lot of it in the training highlights below to give you a nice little cheat sheet,
Clubs can be hard on the ego, they are not really the “normal world” where regular social techniques are all that effective…
And that’s because everybody has their eyes on the top 10% of hot bodies (both men and women) and everyone else looks diminished and low quality in their shadow. This makes it damn hard to get a “hearing” from women, so it’s a tough environment that requires a thick skin for rejection. That’s because girls who would otherwise pick up a flirt and play around for awhile with any guy like yourself will reject you pretty quickly instead, especially if it’s obvious to them that you don’t have a lot of “club mojo” or aren’t a regular player in that environment.
For instance, if you happen to have the male disease of shortness like I do, you will seem that much shorter and perhaps even comical standing next to the towering, muscular Sven or his rap star look-alike buddy at the nightclub. Girls who would otherwise pick up a flirt in a grocery store isle will reject you in a heartbeat simply for failing to make that top 20% cut. The nightclub environment requires a thick skin for casual rejection if you happen to strike an average pose, to say the least.
There is no worse feeling than failing to pick up on a surprise flirting opportunity, thus blowing an absolutely perfect chance to meet a hot girl!
You’re at the corner Gas-N-Go doing some mindless chore when suddenly you find yourself face-to-face with a little cutie who’s gazing back at you with that glassy, wide-eyed look that all us guys with one track minds love to see. You smile and make some ridiculous remark about something totally pointless, but she lights up anyway and gives you a rockin’ return smile. You maybe even get a flash of that doe-eyed, “take me” look. Pre-occupied with the weighty decision of Cheesy Poofs vs. Raw Onion Crunchies however, you have no time to humor her along any further.
So after this brief but enlightening exchange of pleasantries you turn away and ignore her. You then spot the girl a few minutes later while up at the counter checking out, but now she won’t even look at you – or she gives you that quick “too bad” look and vanishes into the parking lot. A few minutes later while driving back home you think to yourself… “Geez, was that chick flirting with me or what?…”
Do you want to know the absolute easiest way to attract women… something that’s NEVER been revealed before?
I’ve spent a long time in the seduction community. I’ve been through David D, Mystery, Carlos, David X, Thundercat… you name it I’ve tried it.
Along the way I’ve come to realize that pretty much everything there is to teach has already been taught… and I thought it was time to start teaching something NEW… something a MILLION times faster, more effective, and more powerful than anything else.
Now, I’ve done a comprehensive analysis of all the PUA materials out there, and I’ve found there are 3 problems with ALL of them:
By Guest Writer
DJ’s get all the girls!
That my friend, is a simple fact of life in the world of clubs and parties. But here’s the real question… is it possible for YOU to learn how to possess this same kind of mojo and peel some of this action off for yourself?
A few years ago, I got into DJ’ing as a hobby. As someone who used to love playing video games, and who loves music even more, it was like a perfect marriage. Something about composing fun mixes on a device that’s basically a Fisher Price toy for grown up boys… many nights were spent figuring out how to pump out the jams on my VCI-300.
For most nascent DJ’s, the first few months are solitary. There were nights when I’d be up until 3 or 4 AM, learning the songs, the points to come in and out, which songs worked well with which songs. Like the mad scientist who made the accidental discovery that sulfur is the missing ingredient to make rubber pliable, I’d never have guessed that “Take On Me” and “In Da Club” blend together perfectly, until I was playing around with 89-92 bpm songs late one winter night
By Guest Writer
Five Steps to
Having Better Conversations
So you’ve finally decided to start up a conversation with that cute girl you’ve had you’re eye on all night. You’ve introduced yourself, and she has responded with a smile and told you her name. Cool, except for one problem: this is the point where MOST guys completely DRAW A BLANK. They now are void of words.
It’s as if all the killer things to say in any situation that you had memorized just turned to VAPOR and disappeared into thin air!
Well, as painful the memories that my example conjures might be, I’ve got some excellent advice for you in this short article about becoming a better conversationalist around women. There are at least FIVE concrete ways that you can make sure the blank mind disease never afflicts you again:
1) Observe Your Surroundings
The first mistake that guys typically make when starting a conversation with a woman is they get SO FOCUSED on “what to say next”, that they forget to simply LOOK AROUND at what’s going on and just draw comment fodder from that, which is what most Naturals do.
Perhaps ironically, being observant usually leads to countless NATURAL, LOGICAL places you could immediately go with a conversation. What’s different or intriguing about her? What is she doing? If you’re at the supermarket, what’s in her shopping cart?
It doesn’t even need to be about her directly. What music is playing? What’s happening across the room that’s worthy of noticing? ANYTHING based on real-time observation in the moment will work a LOT better than searching through the file cards in your brain in “panic mode” searching for the right line to drop on her.
2) Listen to Her for Buzzwords to Seize On
Another casualty of working SO hard inside your head to come up with something to say is that you forget to LISTEN to her for something she says which you can then grab hold of and fuel the convo with.
Have you ever been in a conversation where the other person was clearly thinking the whole time about what to say next that he or she completely MISSED every single thing you said? Yeah, well… so has she. And it’s about as uninteresting to her as it is when it happens to you.
Remember…after you give her SOMETHING to talk about (see above), LET HER TALK. If and when you pay real attention to her, you’re bound to come up with about a dozen directions you can take the conversation from there.
3) Keep Everything Positive
I have a friend to talks about guns and death almost all the friggin’ time. It’s fascinating to watch people leave him standing around by himself at parties once he gets going with all his “Faces Of Death” references. Whatever you do, don’t be a “Face Of Death” kind of guy. Keep the topic of conversation light and centered around bringing a smile to HER face!
Needless to say, being a “hater” is a downer too. Save any complaints you have about ANYTHING for WHATEVER reason for the appropriate customer service department.
Remember, girls just want to have fun!
4) Lower The Pressure on Yourself
Talking to women is NOTHING like trying to sell aluminum siding door-to-door, please tattoo that into your long-term memory. It’s not a race to see how fast you can get her phone number, and for Pete’s sake (whoever he is) banish the thought of “escalation” from your mind… at least for now. You do not have to score tonight or die — seduction is a process. They used to call it courtship, remember?
It’s just a conversation… it’s not a COMPETITION!
This isn’t about whether she’ll “accept” or “reject” you and it’s also not a contest to see how soon you can get to first base. Relax and take inventory as to whether or not you even LIKE her for a few moments. She’ll appreciate that.
By the way, if you LEAD with a “low pressure” vibe — being sure to keep 18″ away from her at first, etc. — she’ll FOLLOW. And she’ll LIKE YOU. You are NEVER automatically creepy, weird or pushy simply because you’re male. You’re only creepy, weird or pushy if you’re creepy, weird or pushy! So relax and stop being so hard on yourself.
5) Know What’s Funny, And Look For It
Rest assured, you don’t have to be a comedian to attract women, but you should get acquainted with what makes laughter happen and be on the lookout for it. Examples include exaggeration, play on words (i.e. puns) and using words with dual meanings in a way OTHER than what’s expected in context. Women are tickled by clever humor, not dumb set-up jokes or nasty put-downs of other people.
Importantly, you don’t at all have to TRY to be “funny”. Just knowing what funny LOOKS LIKE can be immensely valuable in and of itself. Said another way, take “having a sense of humor” literally. Be able to SENSE when humor is present.
Keep all five of these principles in mind when hanging out with other dudes or even in business meetings (including job interviews), and you’ll be well on your way to achieving social mastery.
* * *
Scot McKay has created a huge audio library of dozens of topics designed to train men on how to improve their social skills and scoring game around women. Take a listen to Scot’s new audio program, Secrets to Success with Women for Shorter Men right here:
In this new program you will learn:
* The #1 thing that women are looking for in a man, which most men cannot deliver upon, tall or short. Get this one thing right and enjoy incredible positive attention from women, regardless of your height.
* Why women think they want a taller guy… but why many taller men disappoint them. Deliver in a way the taller guys cannot and you’ll win.
* What many shorter guys have going for them that they almost universally want to get rid of, and why this is a major mistake.
* A simple, objective principle you can apply to your personality today that will dramatically increase your attractiveness to women immediately. Do this the FIRST day you receive my program and enjoy the benefits forever!
A lame opening remark to a woman can make you or break you in a moment
Rather than using kooky verbal “patterns” that are supposed to be designed to hypnotize chicks into robotic submission, I’ve found that the best way to meet women and the most effective way to talk to girls (while delivering a cool opening comment) is to use any sort of playfully casual approach that makes it sound as if a spontaneous thought just popped into my head. And don’t forget that a simple ‘hi’ can do the trick if handled properly.
Of course, trying to talk to a girl who makes you nervous and you don’t really know yet in real life isn’t always as easy as reading about something in a book. In a situation where you can’t seem to catch an eye at all for instance, then you’re likely dealing with a deliberate “resistor” and there probably isn’t a play to be had.
Unless… you want to do something reasonably aggressive by attempting to force yourself into a girl’s field of view: like changing seats to get closer to her in class or at a cafe, making some kind of noise or distraction to attract her attention your way, etc. The idea is to do something to get on her visual radar and then watch for any possible sign of interest by seeing if you can pull some kind of fleeting eye contact… and then running with it immediately!
When you DO catch an eye, always expect that she’ll look away from you FAST. But don’t let this deter you from trying to talk to women because this is completely normal and to be expected. The quick “look-away” is a common shyness-reflex that almost everyone possesses — both men and women. So never let this stop you, it means nothing! You simply need to ignore this ordinary social twitch and seize upon the fleeting possibility of making contact very quickly. Immediately say “hi” to her with no lag-time whatsoever… because you can be sure this instant chance to talk to a girl will be gone quickly!
Keep your approach friendly and innocent in the sense of not making it seem like you’re going at her with some big deal ‘hit’. This is too much for most girls to process and they will tend to turtle-up on you (but not always… woman are as different as snowflakes!). You’re just looking to get the typical stranger-to-stranger friendly reaction. Strangers will only lock eyes and stare at each other passionately in romance movies, in real life this rarely ever happens. So you will never get anywhere waiting around for super-duper locked eyes type of eye contact!
The good news is that you don’t have to wait around for anything — just learn how to seize upon these typical sort of everyday little signals you get here and there, and gently play them up whenever feasible.
Remember that your interest in a woman and any subsequent flirting that you may attempt to create with her is a GIFT that you are presenting to an attractive stranger. Never look upon your efforts to reach out as some kind of unwanted intrusion into her precious privacy or that you’re bothering her. This can only occur if she has clearly displayed her non-interest and you continue to escalate to the point of annoyance (generally because you’re pissed off or feeling humiliated). Having said that however, even pressure tactics can work sometimes if you are bold enough to try them. Remember that this game can be played at ANY level that you choose to, safe or risky.
Here’s a few general guidelines to keep in mind when it comes to opening social comments. They should be:
Unrehearsed. Something that just popped into your head at that moment is always best because it’s spontaneous. Appearing a little nervous is okay too. Preferred actually: since it makes it seem as if you’re attempting to do something that you wouldn’t ordinarily have the confidence to try. This makes her feel special, and makes you look brave. This is good!
Casual. Imagine that you just bumped into an old friend that you haven’t seen in quite some time, without being too corny about it. This will keep you calm and your calmness will affect her in a similar way. Remember that you must model the behaviors that you wish to see reflected back to you by a girl.
Sincere. Assuming a challenging posture (the infamous “neg hit”) with a perfect stranger can be risky. By zapping a woman you don’t even really know with a put-down style, semi-rude remark supposedly done as a “joke”, you’re just daring her to blow you off (almost guaranteeing it, really). At this point she has absolutely no investment in your feelings, so there’s no motive for her to be nice to you. This is a setup for those memorable rejections that will haunt you to the grave!
So unless she’s just dripping with a pissy attitude that needs correcting, I would avoid this as an opening tactic (although it might work better later on in the relationship as a way to keep an edge on things…) Proceed with caution otherwise.
Upbeat. If you mumble out your words out like some nursing home gum-jockey, what’s she supposed to do… offer to change your friggin diaper? No salesman would dare deliver a muttering, uncertain sales pitch because he’s basically telling you that his product sucks. Always remember who the product is here… you! So keep your delivery light and bright!
Non-offensive sexually. This is a big one. Insecure guys like to toss out sexually bold opening remarks to paint themselves as experienced, but only because they’re afraid that their near-virgin status will otherwise show through. Such udeness speaks just the opposite about you: dudes who are really getting laid never feel like they have to broadcast it to women. They just carry it around with them as a silent vibe in the gleam of their eyes! If you insist on being so foolish as to lead with a putdown you may as well just stay home and watch Deep Space 9 re-runs until you disappear into a wormhole.
* * *
If you always keep these general “talk to girls” type of rules in mind you should at the very least be able to capture a woman’s interest for a minute or two… and who knows where that can lead? Ask anyone how their first meeting with their eventual wife or husband went down and they’ll likely tell you that it was nothing special. So there’s no need to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself when approaching women in order to make a memorable first impression on her and build confidence with women. Most people just play it by ear and wing their way along socially, and somehow most of us get by.
So stop overthinking everything so much!
Another important thing is to stay on the field of combat and resist withdrawing into yourself. Seize any and all possible social opportunities that come your way by learning to say “yes” to an invitation for just about anything – any chance to go out with your buddies, to pull a study date with some chick that you might have no interest in (because duh, she might have a hot roommate…). Just say YES to everything and do it even if you think the event will suck… because fate and random chance often work in bizarre ways.
It’s all about approaching, mixing and networking… and you can’t accomplish that alone hanging out in your room!
Myself, I’ve always felt that the best place to meet women is anywhere and everywhere that they might least expect it. That’s where all my best chances seem to have occurred over the years. Bars and nightclubs (and to a lesser extent, gyms) are all a tough sell for a guy like me who is not the typical intimidating male specimen of athletic prowess. Bitch shields are also up in places like nightclubs — where men routinely take their boldest shots at women. It’s easier to make a cool first impression when you can catch her a little bit off guard at Starbucks rather than immersed in the loud action at Au Bar. You also aren’t usually standing next to some Adonis looking like his comical sidekick. Even having these guys anywhere near you can be enough to screw up your confidence!
Bottom line: just learn to become more aware of what’s going on around you in terms of potential chances to talk to girls. If you’re just starting out and still scared by all this, remember that you don’t have to actually DO anything about these opportunities YET – just jot down what you observed… (time, date, place, girl, situation) on a yellow pad when you get home and keep track of these events. Then review your “flirting logs” a week or two later and I’ll bet you’ll be surprised at just how many possible opportunities to work a casual flirt that you might be absent-mindedly waltzing right on by every day. In a week there could be as many as 8-15 good chances to talk to a cute girl depending on how big a city you live in.
Such an exercise in self-awareness is excellent for building your awareness of the possibilities that routinely exist around you – getting you to see those things that you may’ve been overlooking.
Look, even harmlessly flirting with 8 girls a week puts you up around 100 flirts in 3 months! So what were you planning to do in the next 3 months that was destined to change your social life anyway? This activity will not only sharpen your social antennae, but will begin to desensitize you to all the various fear factors involved in being aggressively social.
Meeting women doesn’t have to be a colossal task as long as you take things casually, and learn to regard your gift of flirting as a normal everyday part of life – rather than always being a life-or-death moon mission!
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