The High Status Male

You’re at the corner Gas-N-Go doing some mindless chore when suddenly you find yourself face-to-face with a little cutie who’s gazing back at you with that glassy, wide-eyed look that all us guys with one track minds love to see.  You smile and make some ridiculous remark about something totally pointless, but she lights up anyway and gives you a rockin’ return smile.  You maybe even get a flash of that doe-eyed, “take me” look.  Pre-occupied with the weighty decision of Cheesy Poofs vs. Raw Onion Crunchies however, you have no time to humor her along any further.

So after this brief but enlightening exchange of pleasantries you turn away and ignore her.  You then spot the girl a few minutes later while up at the counter checking out, but now she won’t even look at you — or she gives you that quick “too bad” look and vanishes into the parking lot.  A few minutes later while driving back home you think to yourself… “Geez, was that chick flirting with me or what?…”

And so it goes… another unlikely SURPRISE chance to hook up with a hot little number shot down the tubes.  All because you either forgot in the moment or don’t actually even know how to respond to a sudden flirt that sneaks up on you.  Hey, been there my friend… this used to happen to me ALL the time! Not all that frequently mind you (ha!… I wish) — but whenever I DID happen to stumble across a surprise flirt like this the result was always the same… down in flames!

That’s because my response to a flirt that sandbagged me was always predictable: complete and total lock-up. A perfectly juicy opportunity lost forever — something to grit my teeth over later on that night when I think about it over and over again, wondering what I could’ve done differently.

I have thought about this problem in depth and I’ve tried to look at it logically and without emotion as much as possible.  Here’s what I think: that a lot of this failure to engage can be chalked up to simple DISBELIEF even more than fear. Disbelief in the sense that by the time the gravity of the situation sinks in past my cynical BS filter and I realize… “hey, this chick is flirting with me!” the magical moment is gone and the opportunity lost.

I talk in my books about how your best chances to meet great women will often seem to happen “out of the blue” when you least expect them.  This is why I believe that an absolutely critical social skill when it comes to being good with women is the ability to switch mental gears and spring into action at the VERY FIRST SIGN that a chick might dig you!  Don’t waste time pondering why this could be happening or anything else, just act!  Go ahead and connect with her FIRST and get her number or e-mail or whatever you can, and THEN sort out all your anxieties later.  You know, all those useless academic questions such as: “would this girl be compatible with me”, or “what’s wrong with her that she’s flirting with me?…”

Alright then, with this basic idea now firmly established let me share a few of my thoughts on this ONE particular maddening aspect of gaming women: the surprise flirt.

1)  Don’t Freeze-Up wondering why YOU could be her guy. The single biggest killer in this situation is hesitation.  Like so much of the sport of gaming women, timing is everything.  However, in this situation minutes don’t matter, SECONDS matter.  When a chick opens a sudden flirt you literally have a window of opportunity available to you that’s measured in mere seconds.  You should almost see a ten second counter open up over her head that immediately begins running down  9….8….7…. to remind you of how little time you have to act in a way that plays perfectly off her opening volley.

The big mental block here is a defeatist self-image of yourself as not being “flirting material” or “worthy” like Wayne and Garth or whatever.  But while you’re wondering why a chick this cute would actually be flirting with a lowlife such as yourself, precious seconds are tick, tick, ticking away -- and with it goes your chance to score a number!

Therefore:

MAJOR FLIRTING RULE #1: If she’s not immediately seeing the reaction that she was hoping to see from you, (that you are socially skilled enough to respond to a flirt) the woman will almost always take this as an immediate rejection!  Once that happens she will pull back (I’ve actually seen them physically snap back) and the flirt is OVER.  Women have no tolerance for rejection, and will rarely ever try to bull their way through it like a guy would.  Therefore, you must be very careful to seem IMMEDIATELY open and accepting of her offer to flirt around with you, and take up the verbal volley with good humor!

MAJOR FLIRTING RULE #2: You never know what any other person in the world considers to be their “type”, so don’t let the question of what “she” might see in lil’ ol’ “you” even cross your mind for an instant.  Who cares?  You’ve seen tons of hot chicks hooked up with gross, grubby dudes, haven’t you?  Just accept her judgement and GO WITH IT!  No over-thinking of what’s going on — no suspicion of motives, no paranoia, no disbelief. None of that junk must be allowed to intrude into your mind at this critical moment when you’re “on the clock”.  That crap will only result in a freeze-up, and once that happens it’s game-over.

2)  A Sudden Flirt is always your chance to shine. It doesn’t matter if your silly little joke is lame or if your words are stuttering or smooth (or even exactly WHAT you say to her) — the important thing is that you are attempting to react to her gift of a flirt in a positive way that reflects those good feelings right back at her.  You are playing the game!  Your willingness to pick up a flirt speaks volumes about yourself… and it’s all good stuff! It says that you are active socially (and therefore something of a catch), that you have good self-esteem, you’re pleasant around people AS A REFLEX, and so on.

This is the best way to communicate these sorts of qualities to women… with your ACTIONS rather than your bragging BS words!

Think of it this way: you’ve been given the opportunity to put yourself over with a deliberate charm rather than being forced to apply a load of “pick up artist” blather — and you should always SEIZE this type of chance with enthusiasm because they doesn’t come by too often.  A woman initiating a flirt is taking a big personal risk to give you a fat GO signal in the only way that she knows how — admittedly a bit awkward and the entire “surprise” thing is somewhat unfair — but unfairness ABOUNDS throughout the universe of man-woman affairs of the heart.  Why should this aspect of it be any different?

3)  Let Her “Win” the Flirt.  Remember, SHE started this and so it’s HER play. That means if you pick up her flirt and give it right back in a fun and friendly way, then SHE WINS! By that I mean you’ve confirmed her charm as a woman… she “won” your male attention!  Get it?  This sort of thing is thrilling to a woman and puts her in an instant happy / satisfied mood from which you can naturally be expected to seek to want to get together with her again soon.  It plays into all her most dreamy “chick flick” fantasies!

Anyway, once you’ve spread around the good vibes you should then…

4)  Follow Up Immediately. Get her name and number and pop it straight into your cellphone, or use a low-tech pen and scrap of paper… whatever you have to do to make it possible to hook up with her again before she forgets about you or has second thoughts.  Even better, offer to meet her somewhere within the next 1-3 days at some “happening” place… a nightclub, corner bar, a nearby special event, the local bowling alley, whatever.  Whatever fits YOUR particular style and is centered around a place that you would normally frequent and know something about.  Figure out what this actual place should be IN ADVANCE and have it stored in your noggin always ready to whip out and use at key moments like these!

Don’t overthink this: simply INVITE (don’t “ask” and especially don’t beg!) her to meet you at XYZ Club this Friday night… you know they have great steamed clams or killer Buffalo wings, etc.  Make it a safe, public venue that you would usually hang out at… somewhere she would certainly know about if she lives in the area.  Invite her to meet you there for a drink or a coffee or to watch you play softball.  “You seem very charming (cool, fun-loving)” is all you need to say.

Simple words spoken WHERE THEY ARE WELCOME will rock her world!

Inviting her out to a public party spot also has the added benefit of making you seem like a social, happening guy — rather than nervously asking for her “magic 7 digits” like some porn-bookmarking nerd.  Tantalizing a woman to JOIN YOUR WORLD as opposed to doing you a favor by even agreeing to see you again makes a rockin’ statement about your High Male Status! Such impressions may be unspoken and subliminal, but this is what makes them so psychologically powerful as well.

So in review, DON’T EVER WONDER “WHY ME?” — LET HER WIN THE FLIRT — HAVE A STANDARD PLAN FOR FURTHER CONTACT. Write these simple but effective rules for responding to a flirt down on a card and stick them onto your bathroom mirror so you can stare at them every morning hovering right next to your heinous, unflirtable mug.  This will drive these concepts deep into your brain so that the next time you get hit with a surprise flirt from some little hottie pumping gas into her Mercedes right next to you, you’ll be able to react cooly and professionally within seconds.

Almost as swift as the glint of lust sparkling in her eyes!

Hello everyone, sorry I haven’t posted in a while… but I’ve been busy, busy cooking up a brand new online FREE Audio Training series that I’m sure you guys will find most useful.  Stay tuned for word on that in the coming weeks…

For now, just this quick announcement concerning the RE-release of my classic “Tome of the PUA Arts”: Without Embarrassment — which I am very pleased to be presenting to you today as a newly upgraded version… IN PRINT!

The books themselves look absolutely beautiful as expected: 6×9 glossy softcover, 300 pages and very professionally produced via Amazon.com’s CreateSpace print-on-demand system.  I’m very proud to be unveiling Without Embarrassment to the world once again in this classy format. E-books may be the future but hey, it’s nice to be able to kick back on the recliner now and then and get away from the computer with a good book!

Both Without Embarrassment and She’s Yours For The Taking are reasonably priced at $24.95 — and I set up a discount code for you to use in celebration of this mini- launch.  Simply go to my Createspace storefront…

…and type in the Discount Code: B9XALS5F at checkout to receive a 10% savings off the cover price!

(For you guys who have a One-Click already setup at Amazon and would rather buy directly through them, you can pull up the book listing right here)

(The discount code does NOT work through Amazon unfortunately.  But you’ve got both options to choose from.)

If you’d like to look over 10 or 15 pages selected at random from the e-book (which is EXACTLY the same content now as the printed book) you can read through some pages posted on the site.  Here’s the link for that (give this page a few seconds to load — these are screen-captured images off the Adobe Reader):

You may also wish to take a peek at the stack of TESTIMONIALS that have coming flying in here over the years for Without Embarrassment…

Finally, take a moment to pop back over to the main page and you’ll see that I’ve chopped the price of the 2 book Combo Pack (the e-book versions) all the way down to $27 bucks from $67 — which is a super-duper crazy Eddie type deal.  I’m now offering my 2 audio programs ‘Dealing With Your Fear of Rejection’ and ‘Kick Ass Confidence’ as separate upsell items for only an extra $10 bucks — which now gives you the option to add them to the books to create the complete “HSM Total Training Package!

Thanks again for all your great support and your inspiring words over the past decade — as always I deeply appreciate all of it!

P.S.  If you decide to order from Amazon.com please DO take a moment to come back after you’ve read the book and leave an honest review for me.  I need reviews!

I’ve talked to dozens of women about the qualities they find most attractive in men, and a sense of humor is usually the first quality they mention.  But are women being phony when they say this?  Are they giving this answer because they don’t want to appear shallow — when what they really want is a tall, muscular hunk with a ton of cash?

If the ability to make a woman laugh was such a huge turn-on, then wouldn’t stand-up comedians get laid more than rock stars?  We all know guys with a “class clown” personality who are constantly saying hilarious things, and they’re usually the LAST guys to hook up.  Women find them amusing, but don’t feel any sexual attraction to them.  So wtf?

Here’s the truth.  When women say they love a sense of humor, what they really mean is they love the deeper ATTITUDE that a sense of humor points to.  Guys who are funny, playful and nonchalant around women — and even better, can bust on women and tease them a little — are obviously confident and in control of their reality.

These guys don’t look to women for approval.  They don’t radiate anxiety.  They never seem like they NEED to get a woman’s phone number or hook up with her.

This goes back to two main PUA principles:

1. Women love men who present a challenge.
2. Women are fascinated by men who are “in demand” and obviously have other romantic/sexual options.

Women, by nature, are jealous and competitive when it comes to men. Give her the sense that she’ll have to step up and WIN you away from other women, and the game is on!  A playful, somewhat cocky guy radiates this attitude.  Having this attitude means you’ve got to stop second-guessing yourself. You’ve got to squash that little voice in your head that tells you why you SHOULDN’T approach that girl, or try to get to the next level with her.

The average guy takes himself WAY too seriously when it comes to women — he’s constantly asking himself unnecessary questions:

“Does this shirt look good on me?”
“Is she going to get annoyed if I walk up and talk to her?”
“What if she has a boyfriend?”
“Where should I take her on a date?”
“What if we run out of things to talk about?”
“If I ask for her phone number, will she think I’m some  stalker?”
“Is it too soon to try to touch her?”

When you allow your brain to fire off these questions, it DESTROYS your ability to be fun, spontaneous and playful. You’re allowing yourself to be preoccupied by unimportant details, when you SHOULD be asking yourself questions that boost your confidence and remind you to stay sharp and on top of your game.  Your internal questions should sound more like this:

“This girl is cute, but is she interesting enough for me to date?’
“Is she smart and funny enough to hold a conversation with me?”
“What can I teach this girl, that she’d never learn from the average guy?”
“What should I mention about myself, to really make this girl curious about me?”
“How far am I going to take this tonight, and what’s my plan?”

This resets your frame of mind to give you the sense of power and being in control, rather than being the poor beggar worrying about how others perceive you, and this shines through (either negatively or positively) in your attitude.

Now, in terms of the verbal questions that you ask women, you’ve also got to learn how to “spin” them to make them most effective.  For instance, when you’re first moving on a girl, and you make a request that she can simply say “no” to, chances are that she will indeed say NO!…

Him: Can I buy you a drink?
Her:  No.
Him: Can I have your number?
Her:  No.
Him: Can I kiss you?
Her:  No.
Him: Want to go back to my place?
Her:  Hell no!
Him: Can I see you again?
Her:  I’m busy… for the next six months.

One technique is to re-phrase your questions so that you give women “false choices.” This means you are not giving her the chance to say “no” but forcing her to react and respond.  You are assuming that she’s going to go with your flow, and implying that fact with the thrust of your approach.  Lead the interaction, and if she’s at all interested in you, or at least curious, she’ll go along with it and never shut you down with a “no.”

WACK: Can I buy you a drink?
MACK: So tell me something interesting about yourself that’s going to make me want to have a drink with you.
WACK: We should exchange numbers. (as you take out your phone) What’s a good time to call you tomorrow?
MACK: Let’s go to my place and I’ll show you that _______ I told you about. (Fill in the blank with something you mentioned earlier, that you want to show her.) I’ve got some good wine…but I’ve got to be up early tomorrow, so just one glass.
WACK: Would you like to dance?
MACK: I’m going to need to take you onto the dance floor. I don’t want to see you standing here looking like a wallflower any more.
WACK: Would you like to hang out sometime?
MACK: My friends told me about this new lounge that has great music on Friday and Saturday nights. Which night is better for you?

Remember: boring, ordinary guys are constantly asking permission from women. This results in a lot of “No’s,” and a lot of disappointment, frustration, and eventually… masturbation.  So learn how to flip the script and start “spinning” your questions in order to make them more powerful, interesting and effective.

Hi Mike,

I go to gym regularly, and the other day I made nice eye contact with a girl who seemed to be showing a willingness to talk to me.  So I took a chance and offered to take her to the best place in the city for chicken wings.  She asked me where that was.  I was stuck and couldn’t give her the exact name of any great restaurants, so I think I may’ve messed up there?  Then I asked for her phone number and she wouldn’t give it to me.  At that point, I asked her whether or not she had a boyfriend.  She said yes, and so I said goodbye and left.

Today when I went to the gym the supervisor told me that this girl was very much distressed when I pressed her for her phone number.  He said I could not press his staff for their personal information, and that he must cancel my membership unless I apologize to her.

I told him that if I  distressed her, I was willing to apologize and did so.  I think that maybe the question about the boyfriend may have offended her?   Please provide your opinion.  I have since listened your audio on how to ask for a date with the hanging question — I think I will be more confident  asking for dates in the right way from now on!

Thank you!
Ray

Hi Ray,

It’s tough for me to assess what exactly you may’ve done wrong with this girl just from reading your description of events.  I can’t get a sense of how you may’ve presented yourself or if she was sending out the wrong or confusing signals to you.  Or maybe you were just ignoring them and pushing forward anyway?  If she was just being an over-sensitive bitch, etc.   I don’t know.

There is some elevated risk involved in just going for a phone number ‘cold’ like you did.   Sometimes a girl will lock up in the face of a very sudden, bold approach and just snap-reject you. That’s because, in your haste to just keep talking (in order to keep your own fears and insecurities at bay) you made her feel like she’s being boxed into a corner and not being given a chance to get a sense of who you are FIRST, and then to consider your offer calmly.   Or at least what passes for calm reflection at a time like this.   Rationally, I guess you might say.

Instead you’re asking her to just quick hand over her phone number right this moment based on your straightforward offer which, you must realize, is just coming straight out of the blue from her perspective.  It’s okay to take these sort of chances, just understand the risks to the ego are a bit greater than if you take a more roundabout approach.

See when women feel pressured like this they get scared and their fear shuts down the rational side of their mind and calls up her natural protective instincts.   And this instinct instantly compels her to close down and say ‘no’ to anything that you happen to be asking (or demanding of) her to do — to turn you away, to get some physical separation from you, to move you back to a place or situation where’s she’s ’safe’ again.   And all this is done with little or no regard to your feelings. Because women typically have no honor or sense of fair play when it comes to matters of the heart, she’ll tell you anything to get safe… that she has a boyfriend, a husband, that she’s a lesbian or even has herpes… all just to make you cease and desist and go away!

Again, you can mistakenly read this kind of reaction as a horrible personal judgement against yourself (like I used to!), but it’s really just a protective reflex for a lot of people.  Not everyone — some girls are bold and can be up for taking a chance on a sudden opportunity if you catch them in the right mood.  They will make impulsive decisions — but here’s the trouble: it’s hard to tell WHO those ‘player’ women could be beforehand without your actually having to approach them directly and find out.  There can often be no indication either way, so you just have to go for it.   Just like you did!  This is the sort of ’style’ of gaming women that will either get you a nasty rejection or a major home-run sexual / romantic experience! I don’t know what the odds are here, but it’s a total crapshoot for sure.

The less nerve-wracking move is to joke around and talk with a female prospect a little bit and try to get a read on her.  It may even take a few encounters such as if you see her at work or school.  You get a sense of her digging your style (or not), humor, general ‘vibe’ — and then you act based upon that read… that educated guess.  This is more art than science as you can imagine.  There are no certainties when it comes to women.  This is and always will be a slippery game from a man’s point of view.

The more important thing is that the feeling out process gives her a chance to develop a sense about you and see if you can get her romantic antenna to go up.   If you do, she will begin to signal her interest back in the form of body language cues — most importantly, lingering eye contact. From this posture your asking her out will then seem like a logical (women would call it ‘natural’) extension of the growing connection that the two of you seem to be developing.

She will be far more likely to accept your offer now, especially if you use my techniques which will allow her to “see it coming” and psychologically prepare herself for the ‘hit’.  She will have had the time to wrestle with her fears and decide in advance of you asking anything what her answer will be.   This is the position that you are always looking to maneuver yourself into with women. The best thing is to always have several of them in play and see which one bears fruit first.  Make it your own personal game.

Seduction actually begins long before your absolute interest is formally announced by your verbally asking a woman for a date, or even stealing a kiss.

REMEMBER THIS: all of this highly important work that you are doing to “soften her up” like this by just chatting and joking around and connecting with a woman is NOT wasted blab in the service your fear — something which you must then feel guilty about or become self-castigating about… it IS the actual preliminary groundwork of seducing any woman! It IS the seduction itself… now underway and in progress.  No need to punish yourself and make all this stuff deliberately more harder than it already is by nature, by forcing yourself to act boldly in the face of your normal fear.

These are the ’stealthy’ actions that you should always be leading off with to set up and establish your social life.  Have fun!

Hey mike,

I am about to get a little emotional in this letter, so please bear with me.   In my last mail, I told you that this former student of mine and I were supposed to go out on a coffee date this Saturday (i.e. today).   So I SMS her this Saturday morning to remind her about the date.   And when she replied (in SMS as well), she said that she won’t be able to make it due to some interview she had to attend.   This, of course, did not sit well with me.   As you could probably imagine, I was fuming with anger and disappointment when I read her reply.   I just felt like I wanna smash my TV and throw it against the f***ing wall !

So I just sat there and let my anger run its course until I cooled down a little bit before I SMS her a reply.   I told her that she better come up with something really good when she wants to make it up with me.   I also told her to call me back when she wants to go out for the date and wished her good luck in her interview.   Of course, the message was written in a teasing and HSM manner.

Now, Mike, after I sent her a SMS reply, I made a promise to myself and I want to let you know it as well: If this girl were to cancel a date with me for a second time in a row, I’m gonna just blow her off so fucking hard that she’s gonna fly out of her window and break her legs (figuratively or literally, I don’t give a horseshit)!!!   I don’t care whether she’s a hottie or a fucking playboy centerfold model, I’m just gonna do what a man is about to do for the first time in 6000 years of human history: CUT HER LOOSE!!   And if I had to beat my meat for the rest of my life after that, then so be it!

OK, Mike, now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’d still like some of your advice about how to deal with this situation, assuming she doesn’t cancel her order for the second time.

Here are my observations about her and our interactions:

a) She is never the one to initiate a call or an SMS message (of course, that would mean it’s my job to start the thing).   However, she does reply every one of my calls and SMS message enthusiastically and has never ignored me.   Is there anything here that I should worry about?

b) She is nice and friendly person (not to mention that she’s also quite a hottie).   But she likes to call herself stupid sometimes (in a half-joking & half-serious tone).   Personally I don’t think she is dumb but just rather lazy when it comes to her studies.   She has also failed her college course (in which I was one of her teachers) and is repeating the course at another college for the SECOND time.   I am just kinda worried in the back of my little head that she could be a burden to me down the road someday.   What’s your advice, mike?   Should I just do my best to encourage her in her studies or what?

Thanks again in advance for your advice.

Jack

Hi Jack,

Sheesh!… Take a chill-pill there dude and go easy on the furniture.  As a long time Buffalo Bills fan I know all about wanting to smash my TV against a wall, but trust me this is not the end of the world despite the fact that I think you’ve probably lost your shot with this girl.   Nothing she’s doing here indicates that she has any serious interest in you, not from the way you’re painting this picture to me.   She got under your skin and has taken over the power position in this “relationship” as well.

You’ve got to stop with all this ridiculous sms’ing, because you’re beginning to seem like you’re chasing after her way too hard.   All this remote communication stuff ruins your male mystery with women because it suggests that she’s always on your mind and that you have nothing better to do with your time than fret over her.   This is NOT HSM-type behavior.   Even if you think that the things you are SAYING to her might be HSM in content, the ACT of doing this kind of hi-tech skirt chasing communicates just the opposite impression to her. There’s a thin line between going after what you want as a Man and flat-out obsession.   Always remember to exercise balance in all your dealings with women.   Infatuation is scary to them.

I’m also wondering what the age difference is between the two of you, since you mention that she’s a former student of yours?   She could be getting scared off by the whole age disparity.   Something sure has turned her passions off.   I think she views this whole thing as little more than an ego trip for her now (older guy, ex-teacher chasing her…) and is just playing around with you for her own entertainment.   The fact that she never calls you is a big red flag.   You are NOT on her mind the way that SHE seems to be on yours.   Not good.

I think you cool her off for awhile (1-2 weeks) and then maybe see if you can get one last get-together set up with her.   Try to make it a spontaneous hook-up (quick lunch in an hour) because she’s ejecting on all these formal setup attempts that you’ve been trying to make, and you can’t give her so much time to lose her nerve (if that’s indeed what’s happening).   Then, IN PERSON (not on the SMS or phone!), lay out all your cards and find out what the hell the deal is with her.   Make her tell you to your face, no hiding behind the cell phone. Better she just rejects you and you settle things and move on rather than go nuts and start tearing your apartment to shreds over her.   Your game with other women will suffer until you process this deal in your head and resolve it for good.

Teacher gets taken to school by the hot student body.   You, my friend, have fallen victim to the Power of Pussy.   A valuable lesson.   Retain the data, dump the emotion.

Hello Mike,

I had some spare time today, so I decided to arrange it so that I just happened to “bump into” this girl I like from night-school at the food court of a local mall.  With tray in hand, I approached, smiled and said “hi” and asked to join her table.  Her two kids were with her (7 and 4 yrs. old).  We talked for about 15 or 20 minutes, and covered lots of topics.  The conversation was not strained at any time, and she asked lots of questions of me as though she were truly interested (i.e.: about my work, travels, etc).  I put my hand on her shoulder when I made the original approach, but did not touch/grope any further during the conversation.  Lots of smiling and eye contact though.  Felt kinda bad tho, because I was stealing the attention away from her kids who looked kinda bored.  I tried to involve them, but they were shy and not very talkative.

When she started making motions to leave (like gathering up her purse and belongings), I said, “We should get together over coffee tomorrow and help each other study for our test Monday night” (french class).  She smiled and appeared somewhat smitten, but then said she had lots of cleaning to do while her kids were with their Dad for a visit.  So suggested the evening.  She said “OK, let’s meet up at Chapters (book store) at 6:00 PM, but if one of us can’t make it…” and she kinda shrugged her shoulders.  I said, “Well, how about we trade numbers?”  She smiled and replied something to the effect of, “well….let’s just leave it like this for now.”  I didn’t get a number.  Although female responses always puzzle the hell out of me.  Is this a positive or negative exchange, do you figure?

Do I concentrate on the studying/homework aspect of this get together, or make it obvious that it was just a ploy to see her alone?  Should I continue full steam ahead, or coast for a while?  And should I ask at the end of the meeting, “so would you like to exchange numbers/e-mail now?”, or try to arrange for another chit-chat without asking for her number?  Am I showing too much interest right now, and coming across too strong?

All the best,
Dan

Hi Dan,

I’ll tell you what the buzzword is with this woman… caution.

I’ve dealt with women who are on the rebound with kids.  The most important thing in their life IS their kids, and any man coming into her life must be willing to accept them without question.   And her fear right now is that no man will really be willing to do that.   She doesn’t trust men, plain and simple, especially since she’s been hurt by her ex no doubt.   She views any guy like yourself sniffing around her with the utmost suspicion as a “player” who just wants to bag her and then beat it out the door as fast as he can.   She doesn’t need to ever deal with guys like you, she thinks.   And not only that, she could’ve convinced herself that she doesn’t need any guy, PERIOD.   You have a tough hill to climb with this one — and that job will mainly be to win her trust.   She is in a place where she will have a hard time trusting any man now.  Damaged goods.

It’s great that you have a son of your own.  She’ll at least consider taking a guy like you into her life because you’ll seem to understand her own life more than some single “party” guy would.   She would also like to have a male friend in her life, but doesn’t know if she can trust one as a lover.   The half-n-half signals coming from her that you’re having trouble reading are due to this internal conflict, no doubt.

This type of woman will make you prove yourself by throwing up roadblocks and being standoffish towards your efforts to escalate a relationship every step along the way. She’s going to test your patience and raise her “price” far beyond what any chump who just wants to bang her and flee the scene would be willing to pay.   All these blocks are designed to discourage that guy who’s only after some quick tail.

Her initial resistance to these first moves you’re making are only the opening volley my friend, more awaits you.   Prepare to be further confused as you move deeper into her “test”.   She knows you’re interested, but that’s not good enough.   She needs to know if you’re really interested… in the whole package.   She wants to see if you’re committed enough to getting her into her life that you’re willing to move forward despite the absence of any clear positive signals from her.

At this meeting I would just lay it on the line and say that you’re interested in dating her.   Flush her out into the open.   Here’s what you’re going to get: a big lecture on how her kids are the center of her life, that any man in her life will have to accept that or hit the road, yada-yada.   Also, don’t expect her undying attention — ever — so you better not be some needy possessive jerk.

What you need to think about is NOT if and when you should ask her out (just clear the air and do it), but how you are going to answer the barrage of “trustworthiness” questions that you’re going to get hammered with once you do.   Whether or not she tentatively agrees to begin seeing you will depend upon how much she feels she can trust you to come into her life and 1) accept her and her life/kids, and 2) not hurt her like her ex just finished doing.   The game has deeper issues to contend with once you get involved with a woman who’s moved onto the motherhood phase of her life, and then lurched into single motherhood.

I have a shy personality, lack communication skills and don’t have much sense of humor… shouldn’t I be doing something like buying a woman gifts to give her a reason to be with me?

Your fan,
Raymo

Hi Raymo,

Buying stuff for women isn’t going to compensate for all those qualities that you believe you’re lacking.  Women are only thrilled to receive gifts from those men that are already beginning to make an emotional connection with them.  Conversely… they resist accepting gifts from guys who haven’t begun to make any sort of connection yet. In fact, they are made uncomfortable by this kind of behavior because they understand the guy is just trying to “force” her into liking to him.  This usually makes them want to avoid you in the future, since you have made them feel somewhat obligated by your gift (If they actually decided to accept it).

In a nutshell, women hate getting gifts from guys who haven’t ignited a spark in them with their words and actions first.  It’s big time LSM behavior.

Giving gifts (a dowry) to obtain women is how a man used to buy another man’s daughter from him in the past when he needed a wife.  That’s back 100’s of years ago when women were bought and sold as chattel.  Our job as men is far tougher today because we have to make a sales presentation with “us” as the product!  This is romantic courting… it’s how it’s done nowadays.  The journey forces us to come out on the other end far stronger mentally and spiritually than our wife-buying forefathers could’ve ever dreamed possible.

Mike…

Before reading your book I had already read stuff by Maniac High and Ross Jeffries, so I’m not totally clueless about courtship.  I’m fairly good looking and am confident enough to talk to girls.  I have had luck going on “dates” with girls multiple times, but never knew about escalating until I read your book.

Now about this particular girl I have an interest in… she lives in the same boarding house as me (I’m on the first floor, she’s on the fourth), is about 5 years older than me and is very attractive.  I haven’t had a chance to try the post-fuck visual on her yet, but I’ve made good impressions on her so far as an HSM and never said anything to look like an LSM.  I’ve only met her a handful of times however.  She has given me what I think are go signals before, but I’m lost at how to approach her.  This is where the problem comes in.

She is a very busy person, so I almost never see her despite the fact that she lives here.  When I do see her, it’s in the kitchen on the third floor where most of the students eat.  When the rare moment arrives that I get to actually eat dinner with her, there are usually others at the table.  I can’t start my flirt because there are too many people around that interrupt.  Even if I did have a chance to flirt with her at dinner, I think it would be awkward for me to do it in front of the other people who we live with.  That raises another issue… I’ve pretty much overcome rejection, but that’s because I don’t usually ever have to see the girl that rejected me ever again.  In this case if this girl rejects me, I will see her again and again at dinner time to remind me what a horrible failure I was.

I just want to know how I should go about doing this.  If she was some girl I met at the library, I wouldn’t hesitate to go up to her and get her number, but she lives in my boarding house.  I guess my biggest fear is looking like an ass in front of everyone.  If I could just talk with her alone at a coffee shop for an hour I know I have an excellent chance of wooing her.  I can’t knock on her door at random and ask her nor can I do it during dinner time.  How should I approach her?

Gary

Hi Gary,

If you don’t want to ask her out in front of others, then you’ll just have to think up some plan to break her away from the crowd for a moment or two.  Maybe using a buddy can help somehow?  Time to use your ingenuity here, that’s what I mean by the ability to think on your feet (all seducers must find a way to isolate their prey).

Here’s what’s really important though, never feel horrible about a rejection IF you did everything that you could to keep things classy and proper on your end of the deal.  No HSM ever apologizes for his desires as a man… there is nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of (as long as you don’t fly off the handle and act like a complete asshole).  If she doesn’t respond and rejects you, the HSM way is to just roll over this crap like it never happened. Don’t pout, get pissed, ignore her, or engage in any other type of LSM behavior — or it will only confirm that she made the right call by blowing you off in the first place.  What you want to do is be gracious and continue to interact with her in order to paint just the OPPOSITE picture of yourself, and make her regret having rejected you!

Now, watch for her to begin signaling that she wants a second chance.  When you get that kind of action, you’re in control of the situation again and on much safer ground with her.  Act fast (passions slip away quickly if un-fanned) and you should be able to get a smoking date with her.  You’ve already demonstrated your interest, and now she’s had time by herself to mull it over. Women are famous for changing their minds.

You have to act like none of this is any big deal to you because you do this stuff all the time. Misfires are just temporary setbacks — not life-destroying events that shatter your confidence and insure more of the same in the future.  That’s the type of HSM attitude that you always want to carry with you for all your life.  Nurturing this attitude is more important than any single event of approach/rejection.

Hey Mike,

I have been talking to an old friend.  I haven’t seen her in 2 years, but we stayed in touch via e-mail during that time.  I told her how much my marriage sucked, she told me about her current boyfriend, etc.  I realized that her “current” boyfriend kinda’ sounded like me!… and then I realized she had a “thing” for me.  So I e-mailed to see what was going on with her, and she accepted me with open arms.

Well I haven’t seen her lately, and she doesn’t like to e-mail me much any more.  I was so proud of myself… catching the double meanings in her e-mails, etc.  I kinda’ went a little nuts — telling her that if this scumbag ex-boyfriend of hers is still bothering her, I would go punch him in the nose.  I’m getting bored with all this endless talking on the phone though, and she seems to be keeping me at arms length.  We only live about 25 minutes away from each other.  This is not a big deal — I have just recently finished with my 2nd divorce.  What should I do?

Jerry

Hi Jerry,

Don Steele, from steelballs.com (a terrific site for seduction info) has a great name for e-mail.  He calls it eunuch mail. Get it?

All these remote ways of interacting with women basically just suck because you cannot communicate with them in the most meaningful way that you need to AS A MAN, and that’s NON-verbally.  Deep looks, touching, dreamy eye contact that sets her heart pacing.  Forget about this e-mailing bullshit and get together with her in person — this is the only way that you can apply the stuff that I talk about in my book and create some kind of chemistry that you can ride into the bedroom.

Otherwise you’re just going to end up batting these e-mails back and forth until you completely piss each other off by saying some stupid shit that will get misinterpreted at some point.  I hate all this electronic chatting with women — it never seems to pan out except in cases when people connect with common passions (like bird watching or something) and live happily ever after.

Hello,

I am a college student living in an apartment building.  Directly across the hall is this really cute brunette I’d like to hook up with.  The only time I pretty much ever see her is when she’s going from her car to the front door or vice versa.  I tried to be proactive about at least letting her know I exist, so I set up a chair outside, and did my homework until she came out. (This was all before I read your book, BTW)

So when I saw her, I looked directly at her, smiled big, asked her name, introduced myself and gave her a firm handshake.  She was all smiles, and asked me if her hammering noise was bothering me (she was building a workspace).  I told her it did not, and then broke the conversation to go back to my homework (I was under the impression women like guys to seem busy).  Anyways, before she left, she hesitated before walking by, maybe as if she wanted to talk more?

I didn’t get a chance to run into her until about a week later, when I saw her getting into a car as I was exiting the building.  I was sure to make eye contact and smile while waving at her, which she returned.  These 2 experiences are my only contact with her to date.

A week later (a day after I read your entire book) I am wondering what to do.  Where would you suggest I pick up with her next time we see each other?  I am thinking I need to get a positive reaction again and escalate it very quickly afterwards.  I don’t want the window of opportunity to close on me, but at the same time, it feels somewhat delicate as she lives right across the hall – the whole “you don’t shit where you eat” thing comes to mind.  Also, do you think the best approach would be just go out there and do homework some more and wait for her to come by?  Banging on her door sounds very sketchy to me.  Any input is greatly appreciated!

Thanks, love the book
Ken

Hi Ken,

In any situation where you can’t really get a good read on a girl without first hanging yourself out there and making some kind of move, the problem is this… there are maybe a dozen different ways to make a play… but only ONE of them will actually work.  The others will make you seem uninteresting to her, or even a loser.  The dilemma is you have no way of knowing which one that is!

You might be the aggressive guy and just straight up and ask her out… you could just hang out there doing your homework and become the cute guy she sort of sees hanging around in the hall once in awhile who slowly grows on her… or you to become the wacky guy who kids around with her all time… the serious guy who’s interested in the school work, and would only like to get together with her to study… the party guy who wants to invite her out to a keg party, or whatever.  See what I mean?  These are all ways to try and impress her with your personality in advance of asking her out (setting yourself up).  The problem is that only one, or maybe even none, of these is the one and that she’s looking for in a guy.  It’s kind of like a combination lock on a safe… only the right combination will work, but good luck trying to crack the safe!

Therefore, the only play you often have is a fairly high risk one where you’re going to have to adopt an attitude that you date women on a regular basis and that it’s no big deal. This direct shot is the toughest one, but is also the one with the highest odds of success too, because boldness itself is a powerful HSM signal that can overcome other factors in her mind.  Remember those unconscious triggers?  You’re operating blind here because you don’t know if she has a boyfriend or is even interested in one, or even interested in dating around.  She might be just hooked into her school work and doesn’t want any distractions.  Make sure you don’t seem like you’ve been obsessing on her too, because that will creep her out and you’re done.  Hey, this whole game carries some risk.

At your age it’s hard to project any kind of high male status that doesn’t have anything directly to do with physical power — in other words… being an athlete, a star quarterback, like that.  You probably don’t have much in a way of money or accomplishments or career to flash at women to make them select you over other guys.  But if you wait too long she may lose any initial interest that she has, and then when you DO try to ask her out she’ll blow you off.  So you’re stuck here — you can’t wait around too long scoping out the situation.  If you don’t act soon it’ll seem like it took you took long to scare up your courage, and that’s bad.

That’s why I would try to meet up with her again under any circumstance, even if it’s artificial, and make a direct play.  That seems like your best shot to me.

Hello Mike,

Thank-you for the book. I’ve finished reading it twice now, and can honestly say I wish I had this information many years ago.

I have one question that I’d like your advice on.  I’m a fitness instructor and I regularly teach lots of very attractive women, some of whom I’d like to ask out.  The problem I always find is that I have this professional-thing that prevents me from taking that extra step, and also I think that if I did ask someone out it, and she said no, it could be embarrassing if I saw her again.  Your advice on this would be much appreciated.

Regards
Cal

Hi Cal,

Man I gotta get a job as a personal trainer — I get more letters from you guys who work at gyms and have problems with too many women to choose from

Seriously, the professional boundary is a concern for a lot of guys who work in situations like this where there is a client/customer sort of thing going on.  The thing to remember is that a dominant male never apologizes for his actions and desires as a man. This ‘go for it’ kind of attitude is what makes him so attractive in the first place.  As long as you keep your approach to her classy and non-offensive, you have nothing to worry about.  If she rejects you, make absolutely nothing of it… and don’t allow your attitude towards her to change one iota (no LSM-style pouting).  So what?  No big deal.  YOU DO THIS ALL THE TIME. Once again, no apologies for the fact that you were attracted to her and you ACTED on it.  Dominant males do this all the time because they EXPECT women to like them.  If she isn’t, it’s no big deal.  You’re still happy and friendly and all smiles.

Always operate on the expectation that women will respond to you the way that you would like them to.  The more you can sell this attitude, the more easily they will buy into it.  Everything in life is about expectations.  You accomplish all the things that you do in life (especially your income level) simply because you expect it to happen that way.  The things that lie beyond our personal expectations are the things that seem unreachable.  Wrap your mind around stuff FIRST, and then it will become yours in reality LATER. Even if this chick doesn’t take the bait, you’ll be better off for having planted the seeds of positive expectancy in your own mind for all future encounters.

And as long as you stay cool afterwards, she’ll be kicking herself in the ass for not having jumped at the chance to date you.  You’ll catch her flirting and giving you “those eyes”… begging for her second chance.  Now you’ll have the power, watch and see.

Hey, this is even more fun than when they say yes right away!

Hi Mike, I just want to ask… what is the best way to ask a girl out to the prom?  Taking into consideration the fact that you don’t know the chick all that well, but we do see each other almost every day at school.

Mark

Hi Mark,

It can be tough to pull this off if you haven’t already established any sort of prior connection with her, but your best bet is always to just be very open and direct. This will at least establish that you have some balls and are man enough to go after what you want! The worse way to handle this asking her out deal is to try and use common friends or whatever to “spy” the situation out in advance to discover if she has any feelings for you (or even knows about you) BEFORE you ask.  This just sets you up as a little cowardly weasel.

Just see if you can corner her somewhere where her (or your) friends aren’t around listening in and say something like: “Hi ____(her name)___ I’ve seen you around school and your ___ (some cool quality that’s unique to her… look, athletic / class performance, extra-curricular interest, etc.) ___ has really caught my eye.   It’s too bad we haven’t met up yet, but if you don’t have a date for the prom yet I would really love to take you. I think we could have a great time together.”

Then SHUT UP and let her answer… don’t keep nervously tap-dancing and embellishing and adding to the offer. She gets it!   The ball is in her court, let her struggle with the answer, that’s her end of the bargain… you’ve made your play.

Without a prior connection, this type of approach still has only a 50% chance of working no matter how smooth you pull it off… but you just never know.  That’s both the crazy thing and the beauty about women — sometimes if you take the slightest chance with them, that alone is enough to tip the game in your favor and create magic out of apparent nothing.   You may be the only guy who’s even bothered to ask so far (and the cuter she is, the more likely this is to be true since pretty girls do intimidate many guys into silence)… or maybe she’s even secretly had her eye on you!   Imagine that!   You never know — especially with younger girls who are sometimes embarrassed about their romantic desires, and tend to be secretive about them.