There is no worse feeling than failing to pick up on a surprise flirting opportunity, thus blowing an absolutely perfect chance to meet a hot girl!
You’re at the corner Gas-N-Go doing some mindless chore when suddenly you find yourself face-to-face with a little cutie who’s gazing back at you with that glassy, wide-eyed look that all us guys with one track minds love to see. You smile and make some ridiculous remark about something totally pointless, but she lights up anyway and gives you a rockin’ return smile. You maybe even get a flash of that doe-eyed, “take me” look. Pre-occupied with the weighty decision of Cheesy Poofs vs. Raw Onion Crunchies however, you have no time to humor her along any further.
So after this brief but enlightening exchange of pleasantries you turn away and ignore her. You then spot the girl a few minutes later while up at the counter checking out, but now she won’t even look at you – or she gives you that quick “too bad” look and vanishes into the parking lot. A few minutes later while driving back home you think to yourself… “Geez, was that chick flirting with me or what?…”
And so it goes… a surprise flirting opportunity missed and an unlikely chance to hook up with a hot little chick down the tubes…
All because you either forgot in the moment or do not actually even know how to respond to a sudden flirt that sneaks up on you. Hey, been there my friend… this used to happen to me ALL the time! Not all that frequently mind you (ha!… I wish) – but whenever I DID happen to stumble across a surprise flirt like this the result was always the same… down in flames!
That’s because my response to a flirt that sandbagged me was always predictable: complete and total lock-up. A perfectly juicy opportunity lost forever – something to grit my teeth over later on that night when I think about it over and over again, wondering what I could’ve done differently.
Having thought about this problem in depth, I’ve tried to look at it logically and without emotion as much as possible. Here’s what I think: that a lot of this failure to engage can be chalked up to simple DISBELIEF even more than fear. Disbelief in the sense that by the time the gravity of the situation sinks in past my cynical BS filter and I realize… “hey, this chick is flirting with me!” the magical moment is gone and the opportunity lost.
I talk in my books about how your best chances to meet great women will often seem to happen “out of the blue” when you least expect them. This is why an absolutely critical social skill to have when it comes to meeting women is the ability to switch mental gears and spring into action at the VERY FIRST SIGN that a chick might dig you! Do not waste precious seconds pondering why this could be happening or anything else, just act! Go ahead and connect with her FIRST and get her number or e-mail or whatever you can, and THEN sort out all your anxieties later. You know, all those useless academic questions such as: “would this girl be compatible with me”, or “what’s wrong with her that she’s flirting with me? Did she just wake up from a coma or something?…”
Alright then, with this basic idea now firmly established let me share a few of my thoughts on this ONE particular maddening aspect of gaming women: the surprise flirt.
1) Never Freeze-Up wondering why YOU could be her guy. The single biggest killer in this situation is hesitation. Like so much of the sport of gaming women, timing is everything. However, in this situation minutes don’t matter, SECONDS matter. When a chick opens a sudden flirt you literally have a window of opportunity available to you that’s measured in mere seconds. You should almost see a ten second counter open up over her head that immediately begins running down 9….8….7…. to remind you of how little time you have to act in a way that plays perfectly off her opening volley.
The big mental block here is a defeatist self-image of yourself as not being “flirting material” or “worthy” like Wayne and Garth or whatever. But while you’re wondering why a chick this cute would actually be flirting with a lowlife such as yourself, precious moments are tick, tick, ticking away – and with it goes your chance to score a number!
MAJOR FLIRTING RULE #1: If she’s not immediately seeing the reaction that she was hoping to see from you, (that you are socially skilled enough to respond to a flirt) the woman will almost always take this as an immediate rejection! Once that happens she will pull back (sometimes you can actually see them physically lurch back) and the flirt is OVER. Women have no tolerance for rejection, and will rarely ever try to bull their way through it like a guy would. Therefore, you must be very careful to seem IMMEDIATELY open and accepting of her offer to flirt around with you, and take up the verbal volley with good humor!
MAJOR FLIRTING RULE #2: You never know what any other person in the world considers to be their “type”. You’ve seen tons of hot chicks hooked up with gross, grubby dudes, haven’t you? Just accept her judgement and GO WITH IT! No over-thinking of what’s going on, no suspicion of motives, no paranoia, no disbelief. None of that junk must be allowed to intrude into your mind at this critical moment when you’re “on the clock”. That crap will only result in a freeze-up, and once that happens it’s game-over.
2) A Sudden Flirt is always your chance to shine. It doesn’t matter if your silly little joke is lame or if your words are stuttering or smooth (or even exactly WHAT you say to her) – the important thing is that you are attempting to react to her gift of a flirt in a positive way that reflects those good feelings right back at her. You are playing the game! Your willingness to pick up a flirt speaks volumes about yourself… and it’s all good stuff! It says that you are active socially (and therefore something of a catch), that you have good self-esteem, you’re pleasant around people AS A REFLEX, and so on.
This is the best way to communicate these sorts of qualities to women… with your ACTIONS rather than your bragging BS words!
Think of it this way: you’ve been given the opportunity to put yourself over with a deliberate charm rather than being forced to apply a load of “pick up artist” blather – and you should always SEIZE this type of chance with enthusiasm because they doesn’t come by too often. A woman initiating a flirt is taking a big personal risk to give you a fat GO signal in the only way that she knows how – admittedly a bit awkward and the entire “surprise” thing is somewhat unfair – but unfairness ABOUNDS throughout the universe of man-woman affairs of the heart. Why should this aspect of it be any different?
3) Let Her “Win” the Flirt. Remember, SHE started this and so it’s HER play. That means if you pick up her flirt and give it right back in a fun and friendly way, then SHE WINS! By that I mean you’ve confirmed her charm as a woman… she “won” your male attention! Get it? This sort of thing is thrilling to a woman and puts her in an instant happy + satisfied mood from which you can naturally be expected to seek to want to get together with her again soon. It plays into all her most dreamy “chick flick” fantasies!
Anyway, once you’ve spread around the good vibes you should then…
4) Follow Up Immediately. Get her name and number and pop it straight into your cellphone, or use a low-tech pen and scrap of paper… whatever you have to do to make it possible to hook up with her again before she forgets about you or has second thoughts. Even better, offer to meet her somewhere within the next 1-3 days at some “happening” place… a nightclub, corner bar, a nearby special event, the local bowling alley, whatever. Whatever fits YOUR particular style and is centered around a place that you would normally frequent and know something about. Figure out what this actual place should be IN ADVANCE and have it stored in your noggin always ready to whip out and use at key moments like these!
Don’t overthink this: simply INVITE (never “ask” and especially don’t beg!) her to meet you at XYZ Club this Friday night… you know they have great steamed clams or killer Buffalo wings, etc. Make it a safe, public venue that you would usually hang out at… somewhere she would certainly know about if she lives in the area. Invite her to meet you there for a drink or a coffee or to watch you play softball. “You seem very charming (cool, fun-loving)” is all you need to say.
A simple flirt and simple words spoken WHERE THEY ARE WELCOME will rock her world!
Inviting her out to a public party spot also has the added benefit of making you seem like a social, happening guy – rather than nervously asking for her “magic 7 digits” like some porn-bookmarking nerd. Tantalizing a woman to JOIN YOUR WORLD as opposed to doing you a favor by even agreeing to see you again makes a rockin’ statement about your High Male Status! Such impressions may be unspoken and subliminal, but this is what makes them so psychologically powerful as well.
So in review, STOP WONDERING “WHY ME?” – LET HER WIN THE FLIRT – HAVE A STANDARD PLAN FOR FURTHER CONTACT. Write these simple but effective rules for responding to a flirt down on a card and stick them onto your bathroom mirror so you can stare at them every morning hovering right next to your heinous, unflirtable mug. This will drive these concepts deep into your brain so that the next time you get hit with a surprise flirt from some little hottie pumping gas into her Mercedes right next to you, you’ll be able to react cooly and professionally within seconds.
The key trick is to flirt back as soon as you see that brief sparkle of lust in her eyes!
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