Tiger Woods, Part 2…
by Mike Pilinski on Mar.03, 2010, under General Thoughts
I got a lot of excellent comments on the Tiger Woods post that I put up a few weeks ago — back when he gave his apology-to-the-world speech. Since many of them flamed me somewhat, I thought it might be good if I just tried to clear up a couple of points that maybe I didn’t make clearly enough the first time around. Two main things really:
1) My beef isn’t so much about Tiger’s behavior as it is with society in general. I feel it’s a shame that HSM “haremers” like Tiger are forced to remain in the closet in order to avoid general scorn. (Look at that… I have to invent a goofy word to describe him because there isn’t even an accepted term to describe men who wish to live this Hefner-like lifestyle openly… thus demonstrating how socially unaccepted this idea is… EVEN THE LANGUAGE ITSELF REJECTS IT! )
This is especially true if their income or professional advancement is tied in any way to their public image and persona. For Tiger to have embraced this lifestyle openly would have been economic suicide for him insofar as endorsements were concerned.
So like many men in similar positions (politicians, celebrities, acedemics who wish to be taken seriously, even astronauts) they have to remain in the closet and put on the facade of husband and family man, etc. even though they chaff in this role. If Bill Clinton for instance would have lived like the haremer that he obviously desired to be, could he have been elected President? Not a chance. (Of course, there’s a bit of chicken-and-egg thing there with the Presidency inflating his HSM status after the fact, but whatever. You know where his head was at!).
Guys like this are like gay men who get married in order to hide it — forced to wear the patina of respectablity so they can function in society the way they need to. Being gay is in fact far more acceptable in society today than being a haremer. It’s the HSM who is discriminated against by society!… It is he who must be boxed in and controlled at all costs.
Make that S.O.B. have only one nagging wife and be miserable… just like the rest of us!
So Tiger had to be a “scumbag” because there is no acceptable avenue for him to just live his romantic life the way he wished to without bringing on an endless tide of bad publicity and criticism. Better to just get married and then have to juggle a secret harem on the side. This is the choice he was forced to make because no other option exists for a man like this, a man of exceptional status.
So I say that society forced him to be a hypocrite because no acceptable place exists for men like this to live the way they wish and still be able to exploit their talents profitably. We are all still way too unevolved on this issue. No one (except I guess me) champions the OPEN haremer lifestyle as the final reward for the HSM who chooses to embrace it.
You can compete — but if you win you cannot have the ultimate prize that every Man desires.
Grow up society!… What does it matter if rich, famous, athletic, loudmouth, obnoxious HSM’s openly have harems as well? Can we hate them any more than we already do? I think that after the multi-million-dollar executive TARP bonuses we’re maxed out by now, aren’t we?
2) My sanity was questioned on this idea that men are driven to create the world because of some deep desire to score women. Not only do I believe this to be absolutely true, my contention is that men have so completely subducted this idea within their own minds that they DON’T EVEN REALIZE THIS IS THE ULTIMATE MOTIVATING FORCE IN THEIR LIVES ANY MORE!
All male behavior ultimately boils down to latent sex drive. Period. I developed this point extensively in my books so I’m not going to re-write it all here. Reject it if you must. One thing to understand though is that the modern male drive is ultra-subliminal now and buried beneath all manner of high-minded sub-motivators — we don’t even realize that it’s the reason why we do ANYTHING that we do any more! We think we have these other motivations — but strip them away one-by-one and there it is… seething and throbbing hotly down in the lizard-brain: the need to impress the female!
Most all of our other activities, sophisticated as they may be, completely mask this underlying animalistic drive nowadays.
That’s evolution of the Mind in action: this idea that we’ve transcended our animal drives and supplanted them with higher-minded goals — when in fact the desire to get laid is all there really is. If we last long enough as humans I believe that we will eventually evolve away all our emotional baggage and become Vulcan-like. But that could be 1000’s of years in the distant future. For now, men pretend to have other motives when in fact we do not. Sorry.
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Of course, all these crazy ideas of mine — especially this notion of the socially-acceptable “haremer” — is not merely hundreds of years, but perhaps dozens of generations ahead of it’s time. I guess the real problem is that your present is my past! Just another misunderstood intellectual titan who (while scorned in his own time) future generations will surely build statues in honor of.
I just hope they make me look taller.
“Make The Ho Say No…”
by John Lione on Feb.25, 2010, under Guest Bloggers
Tell me, are you a man?
Are you a REAL man?
Then prove it! I’m tired of going out with guys that go up, say hi to a girl, start talking to her and then 5 minutes later they are back talking to me… Then I hear the same old excuse:
“I started talking to her and the conversation kinda just went flat. So I left…”
Did you get her number? No.
Did you ask her out? No.
Did you try to kiss her? No…
Then why the f*$# are you here talking to me? Go back and talk to her!
The Best Advice You’ve Never Heard…
Yes, I know you hear other people say the same thing. But for me, this advice was a defining point in my pick up success. Let me explain.
Most of the advice you hear has to do with inner game – like confidence building – or approaching. You spend most of time practicing and doing this. But none of this actually gets you laid!
Yes, I said it.
You can build your ego to the max and do one thousand approaches in one night. But what’s the actual result? In the end, all you did was practice approaching. So how do you get exposure to the rest of pick up process if you want to get anywhere. The only way you can do this is by staying there after you approached.
Don’t break the interaction unless she leaves or tells you leave!
And if she does – which is as rare as seeing as polar bear in the beach – leave politely. Don’t bad mouth her, swear at her… just go find your next group of girls to talk to. She’s the one missing out on you, so make sure she realizes that.
That’s what Make the Ho Say No is about. Stick through the interaction until the end. For instance:
- If she’s not into you, try to change that around—flirt with her.
- If there’s no energy between you—create some!
- If she’s bored, spice up the conversation—make it fun!
Which brings me to my next point…
The Art Of Talking… Is Listening!
The biggest reason guys wuss out is because they have nothing to say. And yes, if you leave the interaction before she rejects you, you wussed out, my man
If you have nothing to say, start listening and asking questions. Your goal here is to talk to her on the same level you talk to a friend. That interrogation pattern people follow when they meet someone is as boring as organizing your socks:
Where do you live? What do you do? Where did you… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I’m getting bored just writing this. Ask interesting stuff. What are your hobbies? What do you like doing? Have you watched Avatar? Do you think streaking should be illegal in Texas? Etc. Think of something interesting you would talk to your friends about and talk about it.
And when she answers, listen and build on it. For instance:
Normal conversation from a boring guy:
Him: What do you do?
Her: I work at a bank.
Him: Which one?
Her: XYZ Bank
Him: That’s really interesting. What do you do there?
Her: *Eye rolling*
Fun Conversation:
Him: We’ve been talking for 5 minutes and you never tell me what you do. For all I now you might be a serial killer.
Her: *Laughs* I work at a bank.
Him: Oh my god! You are the single most boring person I met in a decade…
Her: Shut up!
Him: Do you at least get to keep any of the money in there? I’d so ask you out if you do…
Her: *Laughs* No…
Him: Well, you’re the bank-girl with the best sense of humour I’ve ever met, so I will ask you out anyway.
Disclaimer: Any similarity to the actual conversation I had with a girl last Friday in the club is merely a coincidence.
So What Are You Gonna Do About It Now, Tough Guy?
Before I say anything else, let me make one thing clear for those with a dirty mind.
I am not telling you to force the girl to do anything. I don’t support that. If you think that staying around when the girl is not comfortable then you have to realize that you’re the one making excuses. If she wants you to leave, she’ll either leave or tell you to.
On the other hand, if you think you’re supposed to try and force a girl to kiss you – I seriously hope you get beat up by security.
I’m going to be dead honest with you: the reason you leave the interaction before anything happens has nothing to do with her. It’s your own fault for letting it go. You are running away because of your own insecurities. The only way to get over it and start dating the women you deserve is to push past the discomfort and stay there till the Ho says (Yes or) No!
So next time the conversation is dead or you feel like she doesn’t like you and your stomach is quivering, remember: retreat is not an option!
Best of luck,
John Lione
www.MeetingWomenSecrets.com
Sorry, Tiger Woods Gets a Pass From Me
by Mike Pilinski on Feb.19, 2010, under General Thoughts
I just listened to the Tiger Woods public apology / news conference this morning and something that he said near the very beginning of his speech, before he got into all the standard politically-correct BS about how he’s going to work to turn his life around and blah-blah-blah, sort of struck me. I scribbled it down from memory as he was speaking so the following is probably not an exact quote, but this is the essence of what he said:
“I worked hard all my life for my success, and I felt that I deserved to enjoy myself. I felt I was entitled.”
Of course, he was talking about being entitled to his hold his stable of “sms” mistresses in addition to his hot Scandinavian wife.
You hate to see the poor guy being raked over the coals like this, but what’s really sad about this whole story may not be entirely obvious to everyone, so let me just state it very plainly: the fact that society has made it so that when a woman achieves great success at the fulfillment of her primary female biological imperative (i.e., to husband a man and bear lots of healthy children, be a mom, etc.) she is praised and generally lauded and thought most highly of.
But when a man achieves great success in the pursuit of HIS biological imperative (i.e., to sire as many children as possible from as many different women as possible in order to give them all collectively the best odds of being born healthy enough to survive) he is scorned as a scumbag and dragged before microphones to confess and seek repentance for his sins.
Exactly what sins are we talking about here? The sin of being male.
You see, in society’s convoluted view of things, a man should strive for greatness and achievement and status and power… BUT when he gets there he should behave as though he’s just an ordinary guy and NOT exercise his imperative to claim his ultimate prize. What is this ultimate prize? The harem. Now many of you may recoil at this notion, but this doesn’t change the fact that men are primarily driven to achieve ONLY for very reason that it makes many different types of women attracted to them… and (if we’re REALLY high status) a large number of them as well!
All the other toys and the cool lifestyle is an extra added bonus, but it’s not the primary reason that we kill ourselves and crawl over one another to achieve anything really worthwhile in our lives. We do it because it’s the harem that we seek — the situation of being the center of multiple and endless female attention!
I believe that Tiger Woods was lamenting the fact that, despite all his years of sacrifice and hard work (and yes, natural talent), he was now being punished from all directions simply because he had tried to claim the prize that all High Status Males are (yes!) ENTITLED to possess.
Historically, the sultan, the king and the chieftain have always maintained a harem. It was seen as the birthright of the powerful, alpha male. Reproduce away, alpha! We need more great warriors like you! The problem is, it used to be that only the most physically powerful men or the true bad asses of the world could make claim to this prize (although later it could be inherited through royal family lines as well). But nowadays there are many roads to the top of the mountain and anyone with the talent or savvy to become rich or famous by whatever means possible (talent, hard work, savvy or dumb luck) can access a high status life. And this pisses a lot of people off — so society has created Rules of Conduct that make the possibility of the HSM claiming his harem a sordid and classless act to be universally scorned and spit upon. Cheater! Betrayer! How selfish you are!
But the fact that our primary biological imperative has been used as a doormat for society to wipe its feet upon for so long doesn’t change the fact that this drive has in fact created much of the world as we know it.
Let’s face it, the need for men to impress women for the purpose of eliciting sexual favors is the central and primary driving dynamo behind just about everything that happens in the world… all of it, ever. All the skyscrapers that rise to the heavens (no symbolic phallic intentions there I suppose
, the electricity that gets pumped into our modern lives, the zillion-and-one products that get manufactured all over the world by legions of brilliant and industrious men… all of it occurs mostly as a side-effect of these men collectively working on all these various different projects for but a single purpose: to gain access to women.
No, it only LOOKS like they’re doing it to support their families and make a good living (that’s the high-minded cover story, actually), the real reason is to achieve the widespread approval and ultimate sexual favor of women.
And LOTS of them if at all possible!
That’s right: whatever great or small boost in their own personal status that these activities can grant to men, it’s all done ultimately to get laid. To gain the attention of females and say: “look at this accomplishment! Look at my male display of wealth and authority! Are you getting turned on yet?” And oh yes, they are! It’s their positive reaction to the accomplishments of men that in fact greases the very wheels of civilization. Because without it, our drive to create, exceed and excel all pretty much vanishes.
Let’s do an Einstein-like thought experiment for a moment and imagine a world where humans are all composed only of males, males who have NO sex drive, incidentally. Sex and the constellation of emotions that it normally produces simply doesn’t exist in this fantasy world. Our plumbing is just a plain old urine disposal tube. (How do we reproduce? I don’t know… we bud off a son every ten years from our right elbows like amoebas, it’s just a thought experiment!)
So as an inhabitant of this man-planet, why am I striving to upgrade my house, or get some flashy jewelry or buy a fancy new set of wheels for myself? Or to even have a nice house at all for that matter? To impress ol’ fatso Larry down the block? Who cares about him? (and BTW, when’s Larry plan on bringing back the lawn mower that he borrowed last week? Actually, now that I think of it, to hell with the lawn… let it grow into a jungle! Without a wife to bitch about it what do I care anyway? There goes the lawnmower industry.)
Yes, men would everywhere be living at a much slower, simpler, bearcave-like existence if they only needed their basic food and barracks to get by. It’s in pursuit of trying to impress all those sexy women that men have created all these other things that so complicate our lives and make it a wonder worth living!
Oh sure, our fantasy man-world society might have developed some other way to motivate the stinky slugs over eons of cultural development — but this motivation would have had to been imposed on them or brainwashed into them somehow rather than naturally embraced I would think. What a world that would be… boring and miserable I would imagine.
It is Pussy Power that ultimately drives us to achieve excellence!
So I have some free advice for all you high status males out there: don’t get married. Ever. To do so is to FORGET the reason that you sought such great status in the first place: to gain access to your harem — not to the toys that wealth and power can also buy for you. As they say, a man is only as faithful as his options — and the HSM has many. That’s why we seek it, nay, KILL OURSELVES TO ATTAIN IT!
Marriage is for the lesser among us who don’t have the resources and therefore the option of supporting the harem — or else we would be ALL be deep into the harem lifestyle!
But that would only diminish the harem to being nothing special or out of the ordinary, and therefore why chase after success to attain it? There has to be some special reward for high status. Yeah I know, you guys want it ALL just like Tiger Woods did… the respectability of a wife and family too, yada-yada. But then again… WHY is it so respectable to be a married guy and father anyway? Why isn’t being a HSM sultan respectable as well?…
It’s a female plot to keep THEIR biological imperative the preeminent one in the popular culture! WOMEN are the ones who in fact are currently having it both ways: they get all of us men striving and competing against one another for higher status (which makes us attractive to them), but once they pluck off the HSM’s they get to keep them for themselves and exclusively hook into their wealth and power. Because these men are then pressured by society to remain faithful and “respectable” which effectively short-circuits their ability to create the harem they so desire to possess.
And when one of them does so anyway… look out! On your knees and grovel for your repentance, scumbag!
One of the most honest and up-front guys in the world is Hugh Hefner if you ask me, the founder of Playboy. Sure he’s old and decrepit now and his young girlfriends make him look like a childish fool in some ways, but here’s a guy who for the past 60 years has been trying to show HSM’s how to shamelessly embrace their entitlement to the harem! Yes, this was the lesson that Hef was always promoting via the Playboy philosophy: he tried to change things and reverse the male curse of being scorned for having crossed the finish line FIRST… but society has not embraced it. Female push-back has been too great. Her haughty prerogative to reproduce by husbanding the best available male (on a now OVER-populated planet BTW) is still much celebrated — while the lothario remains the lowlife to be snubbed and made to seek public forgiveness via humiliation and supplication. It’s all still very biblical and left over from a much different point in the development of human society.
Anyway, for all you guys who wish to seek higher and higher status, please understand that it will place you in a position where you MUST live a life that’s different from the ordinary guy. The life of the sultan. By trying to be married and committed to a single wife, to put up with her aging and crumbling personality just like any ordinary Joe blow MUST, you are cheating yourself of the very reason that you were driven to seek high status in the first place. This denial will eat away at your soul once you realize that you are in fact squandering your status just as surely as if you were scattering your personal wealth to the wind. Be honest with yourself: you didn’t work for all that money. You worked for the pussy! And now you’re supposed to deny the reward and hook up exclusively with just ONE female?
Therein lies the internal dichotomy that wages war within the mind of the HSM… fertile soil for regrets that gnaw away at his happiness, and his ultimately fidelity too.
Tiger Woods, you were only living out your HSM imperative — but alas you were “caught” doing something that in fact you should have been shamelessly proud of doing! Just like Hugh Hefner. Now society demands its’ pound of flesh — and since your income is tied to public acceptance, you feel you must prostrate yourself to get back into its good graces in order to maintain your status.
Now THAT’S sad.
And to all you future HSM’s who get “caught” being a Man: stop apologizing. Women wanted equal rights in society and in the workplace and they eventually got it. Now it’s time for all of us Men to stand up and face down this twisted, baseless cultural reflex to heap collective scorn upon those of us who dare to live our lives as we were programmed to do.
Programming, by the way, which conveniently delivered us all here today to piss and moan about it. Biology is as biology does baby.
How to Create Emotional Connections with Women Using Cold Reads
by Mike Pilinski on Jan.21, 2010, under Guest Bloggers
— Guest Article by Dean Cortez –
If you’ve been following my posts for awhile, you probably know that I often stress the idea of originality as being one of the most important qualities that you want to project around women… from the way that you dress to how you approach and engage her in conversation. Certain personality traits will almost automatically trigger attraction… and if you know what those qualities are then you can routinely create results for yourself that will almost seem like magic.
If on the other hand you FAIL to make a unique impression on a girl then she’s probably going to lump you in with the last 37 chumps who tried to hit on her. Within three minutes of your paying for her drink she’ll be excusing herself to “go find her friends.” The key to building a bond with a women is to engage her attention and get her to share information about herself.
And one of my favorite conversational tactics for accomplishing this little trick is called Cold Reading.
Cold reading is actually a somewhat sneaky technique that’s used by psychics and palm readers to make their “subjects” feel as if you understand what’s making them tick on an intimate level without them actually having to tell you anything about themselves.
The secret to Cold Reading is that all the profound “observations” you make are deliberately generic and therefore likely to apply to virtually anyone… although you present them in a way that makes them seem personal. Human beings are self-centered and we have a tendency accept claims about ourselves that we desire to be true. And of course people are vain – we all want to be seen as unique. So even though Cold Reads are often just vague generalizations, we still want to agree with the person who is so skillfully “reading” us — and we’ll tend to believe they have unusual powers of perception. Women are especially suckers for anything that seems psychic or mysterious as they tend to be less cynical about these things than most men are.
So forget about using generic “job interview” type of questions to advance a conversation with a chick you’re trying to move on: (”what’s your name?” “where are you from?” etc.) Why not try something more original in order to capture her attention? If I’m in a club talking to some babe who’s playing hard-to-get for instance, I’ll sometimes try using an angle that goes like this:
“Y’know, Andrea, I get the sense that most people get the wrong idea about you. They may think you’re stand-offish or a bit cold, but I’ll bet you’re actually a lot more sensitive and funny than most people realize.”
Another example: “I get the sense it takes you a while to actually trust people… because you’ve been hurt before by someone who was really close to you. But the people that do earn your trust, you’re always there for them.”
Or… “I can tell that you’re a person who usually plays it safe and doesn’t like to take chances, and sometimes you’ve regretted it. But at other times you’re spontaneous and adventurous and you DO like to take chances…and that’s when you’ve had some of the best times of your life!…”
If she agrees with my “amazing read” of her (and honestly, I’ve never had a woman totally disagree with any of these generic guesses) I’ll follow up by telling her that I can relate to it, because I’m the SAME way! This begins to build up just a little bit of a bond between us. Then, in order to solidify this growing bond, I’ll tell her a quick story that illustrates just exactly how I’m the same type of person. (If you’ve got five Cold Reads ready to use, then you should also have five short stories ready in order to illustrate how you embody those same qualities. You’ve got to do this prep work and memorize stuff in advance to make it slide off you smoothly.)
Here’s another typical Cold Read: “I can tell that something important has been weighing on your mind. You’re on the verge of making an important decision in your life, aren’t you?” (Pretty much all of us, at any given time, are contemplating some kind of big decision in our lives, so this has a good chance of being accurate. See how this works?). Regardless, she’ll be surprised and impressed that you knew so much about her! You mysterious, handsome psychic stranger!
She’ll usually break down at this point and begin volunteering more information about herself — and now you’re engaged in a deep, authentic conversation with a girl instead of trying to fill awkward silences.
Much of what a cold reader does is simply repeating back what the subject has said. If for instance she affirms that she’s on the verge of making this big decision, you should nod wisely and say, “Yes, that’s right, and you’re really having a hard time with it.” Just act as if you already knew what she was going to say!
Some other Cold Reads that are totally vague yet utterly “profound”:
“I can tell you have a strong need for others to admire you, but you also have a tendency to be too critical of yourself.”
“You’ve got a hidden talent, a passion, that most people don’t know about… and you want to pursue it. But something is holding you back…”
“At times you’re really social and outgoing. But other times you’re reserved and introverted…”
Once you begin adding Cold Reads into your conversations with women you’ll soon get a feel for which ones work the best. Just focus in on those and make up more engaging stories to re-enforce them. To learn more about these Cold Reading techniques and dozens of my other sneaky conversational tactics, have a look at my new DVD, “Conversation, Persuasion and Mastery with Women”
Some of the highlights include:
* Using “Power Phrases” to control a woman’s emotional state and flip ON her attraction switch at will. Use this to turn boring conversations into a compelling, fun and flirtatious ones…
* How to quietly and subtly lead a woman down the “path to yes” instead of giving her reasons to say “no” to you…
* Great ways to neutralize the romantic effect of other nearby men without having to actually confront them…
So if you’ve been having problems conversing or actually persuading women to do your bidding, then give my DVD a look. Thanks for your interest!
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(Editors Note: Dean Cortez is the author is several fascinating PUA programs including his classic, no-punches-pulled “Secrets of Strip Club Seduction“. I have another guest article by Dean about picking up strippers along with his 10 minute instructional YouTube video posted right here)
College guy needs to lose his virginity NOW!
by Mike Pilinski on Jan.16, 2010, under Reader Q&A
What kind of advice do you have for guys like me who are about to graduate college and enter the working world, but only just recently began improving their relations towards girls?
I am in my 6th year (yeah, it’s a long time) of college and I feel that this will be my one last year where I can finally gain some real experience with girls. I was, up to recently, a very socially awkward person. I went all throughout college with no girlfriends, not even one date, one kiss, nothing at all. I’m 23 and still a virgin.
I have improved my social life in regards to just general people skills and I’ve joined a fraternity and they have helped me A LOT. But the girl problem has not gotten any better. I just came back from studying abroad and you can imagine the surprise answer I give my friends when they ask me “if I got laid in Europe”.
Here I am, a virgin graduating from college soon and I am worried about what will happen when I leave this social atmosphere and enter the workforce where the opportunities to meet women are probably not as great. I’m an introvert in general but I hate being lonely. I’m faced with the depressing possibility of spending Friday and Saturday nights all alone at home with nothing to do. Also, while a long term girlfriend seems great, I want to have fun and get laid with different girls. I feel that with all of my failures I deserve a sufficient amount of reward that should equal or exceed the failures.
Do you have any advice for meeting girls after college for someone who is so inexperienced and is just starting to get this area of his life improved?
I would greatly appreciate any response.
Barry
Hi Barry,
Thanks for writing. Well, I don’t know if you’ve read any of my materials but you ask a very broad question that I address in various different ways in my books and audios, so I wouldn’t know where to begin trying to synopsize all that down into a simple bit of magical advice that I can give you.
One thing that I think you may have overlooked in all this agonizing though is motivation. And I don’t just mean motivation to chase after women, but a motivation to do all those scary and potentially painful things that you must do (such as face down your fears, actually approach women and not just dream about it, etc.) in order to make serious changes in your life.
There’s no painless way to catch up once you’ve fallen behind the average person in terms of romantic skills — there will be embarrassment and bad emotions to experience and push through as you stumble and bumble your way to eventual competence. It’s like anything else that you’ve been studying at school.
Here’s the one big thing to remember: the longer that you wait to tackle the chore of learning these skills the more embarrassing and difficult it will be to swallow the inevitable flubs that you will surely make along the way. That’s because we naturally assume a greater level of romantic and social skill in people as they age, and when this experience is missing it diminishes us greatly. The awkward romantic mistakes made at 16 may be laughable and expected — but those same mistakes made at 36 are sad and can sometimes even seem tragic. So DO get to work facing down your fears and get this stuff handled — those fears won’t always self-correct, as a lot of people think they will.
Get yourself motivated to run that gauntlet of fear and fuck-ups!
Finally, you should understand that the “23 year old virgin” thing does actually leave an invisible stink on you that many women can actually sense before you even say anything to them — and this often ruins your chances to make a powerful, high status male impression right off the bat. In this ” virgin mode” you’re always fighting an uphill battle again a nasty bad vibe that you’re sending out ahead of yourself… making the task of hooking up far more difficult than it should be.
I would therefore make the somewhat radical suggestion to you that you get yourself an escort or a hooker or something and just get laid already. Just be done with this whole virginity deal! The longer you wait the more you end up over-thinking the whole thing until you’re completely locked-up on the issue. Hiring a courtesan is actually a time-honored way for a boy to become a man, and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. Just keep it all on the down low if you want to and no one will ever have to know your business. (Although maybe some of your frat bro’s could help hook you up?… if it wouldn’t destroy your rep with them to even ask such a thing?)
The important thing is to just get the stink of pussy ON you and get that virgin stench OFF you! Then you will experience a more natural shift in your attitude that will be far more attractive to women and give you a real shot with them. Don’t get yourself all tangled up worrying about the “right way” to lose your virginity – women obsess about that sort of shit (some of them, anyway). Guys just need to get the V label off them and move on. Hope this gets you thinking and ultimately motivated to begin staring down your fears.
Confused by a shy girl
by Mike Pilinski on Dec.30, 2009, under Reader Q&A
Hey Mike,
Here’s my story… Since about two weeks ago I’ve been dating this really great girl. She’s in most of my classes here at uni, which could be awkward, but thus far hasn’t been. This girl seems to really like me (there’s been a lot of casual touching, longing stares, a lot of good laughs, we’ve even had a couple of passionate make-out sessions).
But there is a problem… every time I ask her to come over to my place for dinner or to go out somewhere, she always seems very reluctant. I know that she has a pretty busy social life (I think…), but seeing that we supposedly “like” each other so much I don’t understand why she can’t spare me some more of her time?
I refuse to beg her — as my instincts tell me this is NOT the right move. On the other hand, I really do want to spent more time with her, so I feel like I should be doing something else here, but what?
I have noticed that she DOES seem to respond to a forceful dominant attitude — as I have gotten her to come over to my place once by being very direct about my desire to see her — but I’m hesitant to be this pushy because it might reveal my “too strong” of a desire to be with her which could be perceived as low status, right?
So do you think I should just keep bugging her to spend more time with me as I’ve been doing, or should I wait for her to break down and come crawling to me? She’s a really shy girl — which I fear could mean that she might decide to stop seeing me altogether!
Gary
Hi Gary,
This girl seems to me like she’s been hurt in the past and has a lot of doubts about the two of you taking your relationship deeper towards the sexual. She’s split between whatever desire she may have for you and paying homage to some deeper fear that is holding her back and driving her to be overly cautious about things.
The basic behaviors and expressed personality of most people is often just a pattern of habits (bad or otherwise) that come into being as a response to some kind of psychic trauma that we experienced in our past, either real or imagined. In other words, we are all a collection of not just these deep hurts but the ‘compensatory behaviors’ that we then develop to prevent them from ever happening to us again. This makes some people assume some very odd and conflicting behaviors that make their friends and family go crazy trying to figure them out!
These behaviors are complex and can be invisible even to our own self-awareness of them – and they can often be self destructive in all sorts of creatively different ways. Most often it involves passing up a chance to make some sort of significant positive change in our lives IF it means not having to confront certain fears that are absolutely “off limits” to us. Our internal Prime Directive becomes one of making certain that we remain protected and assured that “THAT” (fill in the blank of past pain…) will never happen to us again! All other considerations are secondary and even unimportant.
It’s for this reason that you sense she might even choose to completely disconnect and split away from you if you choose to use a hard-to-get type ploy on her. Her fear (whatever it is) is still far stronger than any feelings of attachment that she might have for you at this stage of the game. See? You can already sense this about her!
If she’s shy and cautious you can bet there’s a reason for it — unless she’s just some big time introvert by disposition (and she doesn’t sound like it since you claim she has an active social life). The play with a girl like this I feel is to just put in the time connecting with her and slowly drawing her out of her shell, and maybe even help her get beyond these fears somewhat. As you become closer you can get her to reveal a few of those things from her past that originally drove her into a protective shell. This could be anything from something as silly as being picked-on in grammar school to be raped by her dad. I’m just saying — you never know what variety of worms you’ve got in the can!
But this is really the mission of our lives isn’t is?… it’s about helping each other get beyond the garbage that holds us apart from each other.
So use whatever time that you DO get to spend with her right now to do more than just party… try getting into some deeper conversations with her and connect some more. You need to find the right balance between seeming concerned / interested and being too pushy or nosey. A tightrope to walk, I know. Once she starts to open up and trust you a little more though I’ll bet she becomes more fascinated with you and perhaps even obsessed with you!
This can all go horribly off the rails of course and you may find out more about her personal story than you may want to know — and she could develop such a deep bond with you as a result that you might not be able to get rid of her! Seriously. Once some people finally DO feel comfortable enough to open up to someone else it can be like an emotional damn bursting… and you’re the one who’s standing in the valley!
So another thing you have to do is decide if you’re going to commit the time and energy into doing all this connecting work, or if it will cut too much into your studies at university or become too much of a burden on you. Remember that there’s plenty of fish swimming around in the environment that you’re in. I’m just sayin’.
BTW, your being forceful and dominant is in no way LSM, to the contrary it is the mark of the HSM who goes after what he desires in life and is not afraid to crash through a few barriers to get it! The alpha male assumes his right to possess anything that he chooses (until he’s challenged, but that’s another story…). So it’s okay to press forward against her reluctance, just don’t grovel or engage in acts of self-humiliation in the process.
Because THAT’s too high a price for anything in life!
Eye movement and brainwave manipulation
by Mike Pilinski on Dec.22, 2009, under Reader Q&A
So I was reading Without Embarrassment the other day and I had a question about the ultimate orgasm you mentioned. Is it universally the kinesthetic “down and to the right” for all types of people? Or if she is for example, a visual, I should make her focus up?
Thanks!
Devon
Hi Devon,
Yes, always try to use the kinesthetic eye movement straight down as you are trying to provoke a certain receptive brainstate in her rather than trying to read a brainstate by looking at the tell-tale eye movements. The brain-eye connection works both ways, in other words… thoughts in the brain result in an eye movement tendency, while moving the eyes in a certain way triggers the associated ‘thought’ brainwaves. That’s the theory anyway. Let me know how it works out for you.
This is a question and answer exchange that I just had with one of my readers. It began as a question about traveling alone and turned into a screed on the topic of self-hatred, which I have come to believe over the years to be a much bigger issue with guys seeking solutions for things like shyness and social dysfunction than many of us realize. To wit:
Really helpful stuff that I poured a lot of thought and effort into creating as an adjunct to the materials in my books.




