In the end, I guess what it all boils down to is that a guy “like me” can be living proof that you don’t have to be great looking (or even tall!) to have some success with women. Some eventual success, that is.
Never in possession of those special alpha male qualities that might make me the center of any girls’ romantic fantasies, what I didn’t realize is that this fact really didn’t make me all that much different than 95% of the guys around me. See, very few of us are born as “naturals” when it comes to meeting and seducing women — most of us have to fumble our way through a self-education process that can be lengthy and peppered with frustration, pain and embarrassment. Welcome to reality.
The real challenge however, is to approach this critical life issue in a way that does not allow the failures that you inevitably experience to become personal. Because once that happens you will learn to become fearful and timid and to stop taking chances. And that’s deadly because (especially in this particular area of life) taking risks is the gasoline that fuels all of the actions that we must somehow learn how to take. If fear of failure, fear of rejection or fear of having our ego’s bruised becomes too overpowering it will stop all social progress dead in its tracks. And once that happens the long descent into isolation, loneliness and even madness can be set in motion.
Yet it’s what we DON’T possess yet desperately crave that can steel us in the face of hopelessness and set us upon a quest to capture what’s missing in our lives – and for me (and maybe for you as well) that was always about learning how to deal with a very specific and highly-focused shyness that I had around women — a deadly, relentless, paralyzing fear of having my romantic advances rejected by them.
My own “mission” soon very clear: to cut off this monster at the knees before it destroyed me.
The maddening thing was that in every other respect I was normal and outgoing and had lots of friends and plenty of good times as a kid and teenager, and maybe you do too. But there was just something about opening up emotionally around women that had me utterly stymied. This problem continued to worsen and tighten it’s grip over me as I advanced into my 20’s — a time of life when these things really began to matter.
During those dark, wasted days I somehow found a way to turn things around by literally just bootstrapping myself up out of the low status male gutter. Step-by step I made small but vital breakthroughs… asking a girl out, going on a date, trying for a kiss, copping a feel. Failure and rage dogged me at every turn.
Yet I was slowly developing the raw strategies that would set me free by way of grinding trial-and-error – using clever ways to “trick” my brain into letting me slip through the forest of fear long enough to make a move… to make any small progress that would allow me to claim a place at the table of Life. I don’t like to think about where I might be today if I hadn’t just lurched into the ring against this deadly internal enemy and started swinging away blindly.
I fought my way through the self hatred and beyond the endless ruminations and recriminations that followed every rejection. Made it past the shame. Silly now when I think back on it, but absolutely essential life-saving work at the time! Ultimately, I was able to overcome my incredible case of rejection phobia that had been making it impossible for me to meet women.
Maybe you feel like you’ve reached a similar point in your own life, I don’t know… I don’t know what has you here reading all this today. Whatever it may be though, you can be sure that my own trip has been down a rocky road similar to the one that you might be experiencing right now, and that you can and will benefit from the crucial understandings that I developed along the way.
Just know this: none of my ideas, writings or recordings are presented from the snooty loft of some happy-go-lucky “natural” who was always good with women and who is now gifting his lucky knowledge down to all you unfortunate cretins. It comes from the battle-hardened perspective of a guy who tunneled out of his own fearful hell using a rusty spoon, and who has a deep desire to continue sharing his story.
See what I do is write from the heart – I spill my guts to whatever extent that I need to in order to benefit all my readers. And that’s my ultimate promise to all of you.
Contact me directly here
Please add the HSM Google+ Page
to your Circle: