Nowadays, women are beginning to expect more creativity from men regarding their skills at dating…
There’s no doubt that those men who can deliver the psychological goods possess a definitive edge nowadays. One serious dating landmine that I think you may want to avoid is pressing forward straight into a heavily romantic date too soon, especially as a FIRST date.
Romantic dates staged too soon in the “feeling out” process can quickly get out of control and devolve into ugly pissing contests just as easily as they can a roll in the sack… and often due to some minor issue that should’ve never come up in the first place if the two of you weren’t so intent on interrogating and testing one another.
That’s because these pre-first-sex dates can be too heavy on the talking and too light on the connecting. Too much self-revelation right out of the gate cancels out most of the fantasy elements that likely got her interested in you in the FIRST place — so don’t be too anxious to shed your cloak of mystery and get things grounded in reality right away. People do this because they’ve been burned before and don’t trust anyone, and so they want to strip away all pretenses ASAP and find out what they’re dealing with (another loser?… another crazy bitch?…) before they invest too much time and hope into another person who turns out to be not what they originally seemed.
Focusing on this mission too diligently however ruins the game of courtship, which is at its heart IS a dance of hope and anticipation. A romantic date attempts to accelerate the bonding and connecting process in a phoney way, and herein lies the danger of blowing everything up in a puff of smoke with all that passion-killing YAPPING!
So what’s the alternative to dinner and a movie?
Action dates generally produce less of an opportunity for those long, potentially disastrous get-to-know-you type conversations. The talk tends to center around the activity itself and less about sour feelings or recently ended relationships, ex’s, and all the other baggage-type stuff that can sow the seeds of doubt in a person’s mind and create conflicts in their decisions about you. You want to generate a mutual emotional investment with someone before you roll out all the bad stuff, otherwise it’s too easy to cut bait and run. So mask all this garbage about yourself as much as possible early on.
And remember: Action = Passion. Physical movement gets the adrenaline pumping in a way that’s similar to sexual arousal — and on some level these scrambled feelings can begin to work to YOUR advantage!
Don’t worry too much about WHAT the activity actually is, btw — even an evening out bowling can create a backdrop to a seduction. As long as you keep up the playful teasing and flirting throughout the date it will continue to support your romantic interest in her despite the non-romantic activity that you’re likely engaged in. It creates WARM VIBES which are the basis of connection and the deepening of the romantic trance. For a man, successfully seducing women is all about the hidden messages transmitted by his behavior. Sure, you have to dress halfway decent with some style, stay reasonably well-groomed and la-dee-da… but the make-or-break factor will always be the high status male ATTITUDE underlying all of your words, clever or otherwise.
So in that spirit, let’s take a look at a few different ways in which you can create some positive energy on a first date vs. a few anti-matter goof-ups that can quickly pull things down into the “gutter of grief” if you’re not careful…
POSITIVE: Keeping Your Attention Focused on Her – This is an essential seduction skill: learning how to tune out the surrounding world and focus-in on the woman that you’re out with — as if the two of you were the only 2 souls in the universe. This type of ego feed can be flattering to a woman in an almost breathtaking way.
(Remember that memory tag: Focus is Flattering!) I must also remind you to avoid smothering her with a lot of ridiculous, subservient fawning of course. As always, balance is critical.
NOTE: All your early conversations with a woman should be intended to create SPARKS between the two of you — it’s not about swapping name, rank and serial number-type information. That’s boring, cliche’ and unimaginative. Tease and flirt casually but relentlessly in order to convey your romantic interest — never allow her to see you as that well-meaning but UNsexy nice guy. There’s a right way and a wrong way to be ‘nice’ around women which is beyond the scope of this article. For now just remember that a SOCIALLY TIMID MAN is almost always seen as a possible friend by women — hardly ever as a possible lover (unless you have super snap-chemistry going with her, i.e., you’re here “type”. This is sheer luck and can’t be counted on by the proactive seducer.).
NEGATIVE: Grading Her Personality or Appearance – Never get yourself trapped into any sort of stupid discussion where it suddenly seems like an interesting idea to ponder what your dates’ “upside” or “downside” might be in the relationship that you seem to be expecting to happen… “I can see that you’re a bit stubborn, which is a downside to becoming involved with you… but you also seem to have a great natural curiosity, which I find to be a real big plus!”
Well now isn’t that special.
This is pure condescension no matter how gently you slice it. You have just assumed the role of teacher handing out the “grades”… so I guess she can only be the meek little pupil in this scenario, right? Just imagine if some dude that you just met “graded” something about your character after only having known you for a few minutes… you’d naturally want to knock his block off. Well, your date may not punch you in the face, but she’s likely to go stone cold on you for the rest of the evening. Having fun yet? Referring to her as a “young lady” if there happens to be a sizable age difference between the two of you is a similar mudhole.
Think about it, are you trying to become her daddy… or her Man?
Women don’t submit to men in the manner of playful idiots as they did in the old days. So DO try to remain on a psychologically equal level with her at all times and avoid acting like some clueless throwback from the 5th century.
POSITIVE: Using Lots of Clever Humor to Keep Her Giggling – When it comes to women, effective humor is all about your CLEVER commentary on the absurdities that surround you, certainly not about the repeating of dumb “…so a pollack, a monkey and a duck walk into a bar…”-type of idiotic set-up jokes, or even-worse, doing your lame celebrity impressions. That’s why they call it a SENSE of humor: you need to base your wit on a DEEPER sense of what’s going on around you… which often lies just beneath the obvious. So dig it out and make her laugh! Laughter is a tried-and-true way of creating connections with women… which can then be cashed-in for heavier romantic feelings later on.
NEGATIVE: Referring to Her in the Third Person… Instead of simply saying “What do you think of the shrimp scampi, Marsha?” you re-phrase it like this: “So, does Marsha like the shrimp scampi?”. This is how an adult talks to an adolescent. A verbal stinkbomb like this drops an instant stone wall between yourself and the woman by suggesting that the two of you are not on the same social / intellectual level, and that you already consider her to be the inferior party. Only a woman with a case of very low self-esteem would let something like this slide by without being upset, and who needs to be messing around with crap like that?
The bottom line is this: if you take the time to bond with a woman first by using the power of action before self-revelation, all your subsequent interactions with her will have a better chance of turning delightful instead of deadly because you’ve had some fun together and she’s now INVESTED in you somewhat. Seduction Step 1 complete. Date #1 successful.
All my ideas on this topic are designed to make dating and seduction as much fun as possible in order to keep you motivated and participating in the struggle, because PERSISTENCE is how you will eventually develop all those mad social skills that you’re searching for.
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