Whenever a rookie straight out of college first begins playing in the National Football League, one of the first things that usually gives him trouble is adapting to the higher SPEED of the game. One extra second spent zig-zagging around behind the line of scrimmage looking for a large enough hole to waltz through, and those lightning-fast linebackers will be on you in a flash.
Look, only the cream of the college crop get drafted into the NFL every year. This means that, relative to college level teams anyway, every NFL team is an All Star Team. Even the crappiest.
Well, that’s a good analogy, because here’s something that a lot of guys don’t seem to get about the social nature of interacting with and seducing women: the speed of the game. Especially in the early moments.
What I mean is this: women for the most part generally know within 45-90 seconds of their first meeting with ANY guy whether or not he has any chance whatsoever to make hay with her romantically. THAT’S how snap their judgements of men can be. This is why you must understand how important first impressions are when it comes to capturing the romantic attention of women. Bungle a first impression and you could very well have an impossible mission ahead of you trying to recover.
Guys tend to think they have all sorts of time to slowly grind down a chick by hanging around and repeatedly making a “helpful” pest of himself, either at work or school or whatever. They believe that she’ll eventually break down and come to see how wonderful and lovable he is.
I’m telling you right now, FORGET that theory, it is not reality.
Whether it’s because women are just so haphazardly frivolous, or just so incredibly skilled at dissecting and deciphering the true intentions of men, is part of their feminine mystery. It’s probably a little of both. But the fact remains that for the most part “the game” with any particular woman is oftentimes won or lost within the first minute or two of meeting her. Read that again if you have to and drill it in, because it will sharpen your mindset when it comes to dealing with women.
To get a little scientific about it, this automatic screening process is called cognitive disregard – and once you have been placed into the “uninteresting-or-just-not-my-type” category in a woman’s mind (which can happen in seconds), you effectively become invisible to her and may as well not exist. At least in a romantic sense. If you have ever tried to force along a conversation with a woman who has made this judgement of you, and she refuses to even meet your eye while you talk, you have been cognitively disregarded my friend. Game over.
To prevent this from happening, you’ll always want to set yourself apart from the boring mass of men as much as possible in order to attract a woman’s attention and get her wheels turning. You can do this with your look, style, physique, general appearance, etc.) but these are only surface characteristics that will either re-enforce your juice in real time or kill it.
It is the total package of how you use your body, your facial expression, willingness to make and hold eye contact, etc., rather than what you actually talk to her about. That’s important: it’s not the content of an opening conversation, it’s the delivery.
As far as women are concerned, the key to a great first impression is demonstrating a bit of self-restraint or what I call personality balance. For instance, you always want to be a bit funny and show a sense of humor around women, but you don’t want to go overboard and become a full blown “jokin’ a-hole”. Know what I mean? Seem confident to whatever degree you can manage, but don’t act arrogant – that will only come off as phoney and maybe even ridiculous. (Simply convince yourself that you do this all the time and that it’s just another routine part of your life, flirting with cute girls, that is.)
Show off a bit of clever intelligence, but don’t come across as some kind of know-it-all dork who cynically dismisses everyone else’s “stupid” opinion at every turn. That’s obnoxious, not impressive. Show her that you’re ambitious and career-minded, but don’t make it sound like you’re an obsessed workaholic who has no life beyond your job or career. See what I mean here? Balance. It’s about walking the line between silly extremes to make yourself seem fun and normal. With just a touch of intrigue and mystery to boot.
This is the posture from which you can now ask for a date and have a reasonable chance of NOT being shot down. That’s rejection control!
Some more quick tips about how to make a positive first impression, even if you feel that your life is mostly mundane and uninteresting:
1) Don’t be completely dismissive about what you do for a living. In fact, think ahead and try to find some aspect of it to play up and make sound cool or unique. Remember, you want to draw her into your world, not scare her away with boredom! Therefore, you’re NOT a short-order cook… you’re a minimalist culinary artist. And someday you want to have your own restaurant. See? Sell her on your dreams!
2) Focus more on the people-centered aspect of your profession (which interests women) and less on the technical details (which usually bores them). For instance, if you’re a photographer, talk more about the interesting people that you’ve photographed and less about megapixels and f-stops.
3) Play up any and all of your future dreams for advancement in your field, or maybe even your ongoing pursuit of some new “dream” profession or idea. This shows that you have some genuine ambition for yourself and are not just resigned to remaining stuck wherever you currently happen to be in life. That turns women on. Like a well-developed character in a novel, you always want to paint your life experience as being rich and complex in order to hold her fascination… and maybe even get her to join in with your personal ’cause’ as well.
Finally, the most important thing to remember about meeting girls is that genuine “perfect chances” to meet someone really special are few and far between. So carpe diem my friend, as the old Romans used to say. Seize the day when those chances do occur.
And then conquer her!
There is no denying the fact that men and even women love watching porn, whether be it just for pure pleasure or seeking complete sexual satisfaction. In fact, for most men, pornography formed an essential part of growing up – from a boy to man – and sexual maturation. Whether be it the Mills and Boon novels, playboy magazines, or a chance encounter with adult videos being aired on foreign channels, the guilty pleasure of porno has always found its way into our lives somehow.
Today, the world of porn is open to all; thanks to adult streaming videos. Knowing what turns you on to which gender arouses you more, you can easily have your way into the hush-hush world of porn. These days, the business is far more demanding and the exposure to pornography is no longer just restricted to adult TV shows, magazines, or novels. The penetration of the internet into our lives has made it extremely easyto find porn, anywhere and anytime. This has forced porn makers to expand the range and variety of fetishes that the videos cater to beyond anything that has ever been seen before.
Shyness is a silent killer. It prevents us from showing the people around us who we really are and hinders our social and love life. There are so many people around the world suffering from it every day, and yet we rarely talk about it at all. Probably because we are shy to talk about it.
There is only one way to escape this vicious circle and it is to stop being shy. Yes, it is an idea which should probably be listed in a dictionary of idioms as an example of the entry “easier said than done”, but on the other hand most, if not every single thing in the world is easier said than done, so why would this be any different?
Stating such an obvious fact as the one in the previous paragraph is hardly a reason enough to publish an article. Getting out of your comfort zone is, after all, something you know you should do. But how about this proposition: you do not need to be shy because you have no reason to.
“No reason?”, you ask in disbelief. Yes. No reason. Shyness is one of the most irrational human feelings ever to reach this stage of our evolution as a species. And here is why:
Shyness does not make you any better in the eyes of the people around you.
You think you sound stupid when you talk? Apart from the fact that this is most probably untrue, do you think that being silent in public will help your image? No it will not, of course, it will only make things worse. Your “funny” voice will not matter if you have something to add to the conversation. Your silence will most certainly be an overweight elephant in the room.
By Guest Writer
Why Women Put Guys in the Friend Zone
“I talk to plenty of girls but they all think I am just a friend…”
This is the frustration of a 17 year-old male who recently reached out to me for help. Truth is, we’ve all been put in the friendzone, and once we’ve been banished to this dreaded place, we stay there. Permanently. We think of ingenuous tactics to win her over… we count down the days ’til we confess our undying love. But deep in our minds, we know that this has no effect. She simply thinks of you as just a “friend”. She would be terribly uncomfortable if you made a move on her.
This problem is awfully commonplace. If I got a dollar every time someone said they were in the friendzone, I’d be a millionaire. And obviously, getting out is an uphill (and sometimes impossible) battle.
But for the sake of this post, let’s look at the reasons why she put you in the friendzone to begin with.
You’re hanging out with your friends at the club, chatting around, laughing, not really caring about anything in particular. Then you slide over to the dance floor and start scanning the room a bit, and then there she is… dancing enticingly with her girlfriends. You make eye contact for an instant and think (hope!) for a moment that there could be a connection. She seem’s really amazing, and you suddenly want to know who she is…
Then the song ends and she turns to walk straight back in your direction. In a moment the crowd will have you both nearly pressed together. You try to open your mouth and say something cool, but a gripping fear keeps your voice choked off. You can’t think of anything “amazingly clever” to say that you think would rock her world (mistakenly believing that nothing less will do, thus placing way too much unnecessary pressure on yourself…), and so she just keeps on sliding by… and in moments she’s spun away and gone. Gone like a sexy phantom that never was. You had your chance and you blew it.
Here at the High Status Male, we like to kick around ideas that we hope can make us more attractive to women.
Women are of course the great and universal Mystery… Their frivolous behaviors have vexed men throughout the Ages – driving them to commit acts of war, suicide and even murder.
And that was when they weren’t otherwise making us insanely horny, (or just plain insane!)
By Guest Writer
Some guys feel very powerful on the inside…
They see a woman they want and the fire inside of them is burning so strong that they just GO. Other guys feel weak on the inside, and that definitely used to describe me. It felt like there was nothing there… and that if a girl ‘found me out’ I’d be hosed.
These days, when I see a pretty girl, I still get a little nervous, but I have no doubt that I’m going to rock her world if she and I click. I know that I may say something dumb… that she may be completely vacuous… that we might not get along for any number of reasons… but I know that if I do connect with her, she’s gonna be one lucky girl.
Obviously, that’s where every guy ought to be. That’s certainly where you should be if you’re here. Everyone has their own perspective on this and I’m not here to tell you that mine is best. But it works for me – and it might just be for you too.
It comes down to this: do you create the world that you want to live in?
Winston Churchill once said “history will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.”
The ol’ cigar chomper couldn’t have said it better.
Creating the world you want to live in means that every day, you make choices that you believe would make this a better world.
Let me give you an example:
I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend. Have I been tempted? Hell yes. But in the world I want to live in, my woman can trust me.
If I sleep with a woman, it’s because I LOVE something about her, not because I want to GET something from her. In the world I want to live in, a man does not get his strength from a woman, he provides it to her. What we’re talking about here are values.
The CODE by which you live your life.
And simply put, if you believe that the code you live by is one that every woman would be ridiculously lucky to be the beneficiary of… that day in and day out you are creating an awesome world for yourself, your friends, your associates and your woman… then it empowers you.
It empowers you every time you see a woman and say to yourself that she will be DAMN lucky to have you in her life.
* * *
Sometimes this tests our strength. For example, being faithful when you are frustrated with your woman, or when you have a lot of options available, isn’t something that us men are particularly good at. As Chris Rock once said, “when p*ssy is chasing us, we can’t run fast enough!”
But this isn’t about running away. This is about living with integrity for what is right and wrong. It’s about growing past your ego and your selfish needs and taking responsibility. I know a lot of guys who are great with women not because they’re strong, but because they’re weak. And hey – no judgment here – we’re all a screwy lot, us human beings.
I’ve screwed up with women and with people more times than I can count on two hands. My perspective on all this has come from hurting lots of people, being weak when I needed to be strong, letting people down when it counted, and failing… again and again… and eventually, getting it right more often than I failed.
And lest you think this is just moralizing, well – I’m here to tell you that YOU have to create the world you want to live in. Just don’t impose on mine 😉
We look at core strength in Unbreakable, and In an upcoming program, I’m going to be going into a lot more depth on this. But for the here and now, I’d like you to consider what sort of world you want to live in.
What actions and values will create it?
And when it comes time to test your strength, will you be a man and stand up for it?
I’d submit that the foundation of your confidence comes from this very place – where your values and your actions work together in the toughest of times. When there’s a battle to be fought or a woman to be approached or a risk to take, and you know that YOU are the guy to do it…