Dating for Men
Whenever a rookie straight out of college first begins playing in the National Football League, one of the first things that usually gives him trouble is adapting to the higher SPEED of the game. One extra second spent zig-zagging around behind the line of scrimmage looking for a large enough hole to waltz through, and those lightning-fast linebackers will be on you in a flash.
Look, only the cream of the college crop get drafted into the NFL every year. This means that, relative to college level teams anyway, every NFL team is an All Star Team. Even the crappiest.
Well, that’s a good analogy, because here’s something that a lot of guys don’t seem to get about the social nature of interacting with and seducing women: the speed of the game. Especially in the early moments.
What I mean is this: women for the most part generally know within 45-90 seconds of their first meeting with ANY guy whether or not he has any chance whatsoever to make hay with her romantically. THAT’S how snap their judgements of men can be. This is why you must understand how important first impressions are when it comes to capturing the romantic attention of women. Bungle a first impression and you could very well have an impossible mission ahead of you trying to recover.
Guys tend to think they have all sorts of time to slowly grind down a chick by hanging around and repeatedly making a “helpful” pest of himself, either at work or school or whatever. They believe that she’ll eventually break down and come to see how wonderful and lovable he is.
I’m telling you right now, FORGET that theory, it is not reality.
Whether it’s because women are just so haphazardly frivolous, or just so incredibly skilled at dissecting and deciphering the true intentions of men, is part of their feminine mystery. It’s probably a little of both. But the fact remains that for the most part “the game” with any particular woman is oftentimes won or lost within the first minute or two of meeting her. Read that again if you have to and drill it in, because it will sharpen your mindset when it comes to dealing with women.
To get a little scientific about it, this automatic screening process is called cognitive disregard – and once you have been placed into the “uninteresting-or-just-not-my-type” category in a woman’s mind (which can happen in seconds), you effectively become invisible to her and may as well not exist. At least in a romantic sense. If you have ever tried to force along a conversation with a woman who has made this judgement of you, and she refuses to even meet your eye while you talk, you have been cognitively disregarded my friend. Game over.
To prevent this from happening, you’ll always want to set yourself apart from the boring mass of men as much as possible in order to attract a woman’s attention and get her wheels turning. You can do this with your look, style, physique, general appearance, etc.) but these are only surface characteristics that will either re-enforce your juice in real time or kill it.
It is the total package of how you use your body, your facial expression, willingness to make and hold eye contact, etc., rather than what you actually talk to her about. That’s important: it’s not the content of an opening conversation, it’s the delivery.
As far as women are concerned, the key to a great first impression is demonstrating a bit of self-restraint or what I call personality balance. For instance, you always want to be a bit funny and show a sense of humor around women, but you don’t want to go overboard and become a full blown “jokin’ a-hole”. Know what I mean? Seem confident to whatever degree you can manage, but don’t act arrogant – that will only come off as phoney and maybe even ridiculous. (Simply convince yourself that you do this all the time and that it’s just another routine part of your life, flirting with cute girls, that is.)
Show off a bit of clever intelligence, but don’t come across as some kind of know-it-all dork who cynically dismisses everyone else’s “stupid” opinion at every turn. That’s obnoxious, not impressive. Show her that you’re ambitious and career-minded, but don’t make it sound like you’re an obsessed workaholic who has no life beyond your job or career. See what I mean here? Balance. It’s about walking the line between silly extremes to make yourself seem fun and normal. With just a touch of intrigue and mystery to boot.
This is the posture from which you can now ask for a date and have a reasonable chance of NOT being shot down. That’s rejection control!
Some more quick tips about how to make a positive first impression, even if you feel that your life is mostly mundane and uninteresting:
1) Don’t be completely dismissive about what you do for a living. In fact, think ahead and try to find some aspect of it to play up and make sound cool or unique. Remember, you want to draw her into your world, not scare her away with boredom! Therefore, you’re NOT a short-order cook… you’re a minimalist culinary artist. And someday you want to have your own restaurant. See? Sell her on your dreams!
2) Focus more on the people-centered aspect of your profession (which interests women) and less on the technical details (which usually bores them). For instance, if you’re a photographer, talk more about the interesting people that you’ve photographed and less about megapixels and f-stops.
3) Play up any and all of your future dreams for advancement in your field, or maybe even your ongoing pursuit of some new “dream” profession or idea. This shows that you have some genuine ambition for yourself and are not just resigned to remaining stuck wherever you currently happen to be in life. That turns women on. Like a well-developed character in a novel, you always want to paint your life experience as being rich and complex in order to hold her fascination… and maybe even get her to join in with your personal ’cause’ as well.
Finally, the most important thing to remember about meeting girls is that genuine “perfect chances” to meet someone really special are few and far between. So carpe diem my friend, as the old Romans used to say. Seize the day when those chances do occur.
And then conquer her!
As the old adage mercilessly states – you only get one chance to make a first impression. No matter how much you try to play this fact down the undeniable truth is always there, especially in the emotional part of our lives. The thrill of the first date is, therefore, almost always half-pleasure, half-torture, since no one but the biggest alpha males out there can claim that they do not feel at least a bit nervous and insecure when meeting a girl they like for the first time.
You will never be able to fully get rid of this feeling and it is perhaps for the best because this nervousness can often work for our own good (the first date is not the moment to open yourself completely). However, there are a couple of things you should make sure you remember which will help you remove the unnecessary stress and focus on what you can do best – charming that girl off her feet.
Find out as much about her as possible without being too creepy.
In this day and age it is very easy to find some basic info about your date without asking her directly. Social networks are all the rage – gone are the days when you would have to feel uncomfortable because you do not know your dates last name. Do not go too far though – although it is equally easy to find out when her birthday is, she would probably consider it a bit creepy if you knew something like that on the first date. (continue reading…)
By Guest Writer
What is the Cause of Attraction?
Attraction between men and women… what lies at it’s heart? As one of the great mysteries of all Time, it’s a tough nut to crack. Since the beginning of our species, we’ve asked ourselves – what exactly makes a woman attracted to a man?
Some will say it’s looks alone. Some will say personality. What about buzzwords like confident and genuine? Where does wealth and power play into all of this?
The truth of the matter is when women are attracted to a man, many times they can’t even pinpoint themselves what they were attracted to. Have you ever heard a woman say, “There was just something about him”? It’s obvious that attraction is complicated. Let’s break it down.
Undoubtedly, looks play an integral role in initial attraction. When you meet someone for the first time, the only thing you have to judge them by is their looks. Clearly, that’s the case for both men and women.You can’t do much to change your facial features, but there’s a lot you can do.
~ Guest Article by Frank Kermit ~
After all, a broken heart hurts, you could catch a sexually transmitted disease… You could end up ruining your life if you choose the wrong person… your financial situation could be massive destroyed through a nasty divorce. So why even try?
Well, I will give you three reasons:
1. Dating and relationships teach you about yourself. People have lots of theory about what they want in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of that theory is just that: theory. It is important to get as much relationship experience as you can so that you will learn about what you really can and cannot handle emotionally. This will give you the self-knowledge you will need to make a long-term relationship succeed when you get there.
I once said that ‘chemistry’ was the most hated word in the world of dating and hooking up, at least as far as men are concerned.
I apologize… how could I have forgotten that most scurrilous of all slanderers – the nice guy. The nice guy. If you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of having the label ‘nice guy’ hung on you by some chick that you’re hot for, forget it… you’ve just been deposited straight into the dumpster.
The nice guy may be all things wonderful to all women, except for the minor fact that he’s sexually invisible to her! Most women can no more contemplate having sex with a guy she thinks of as “nice” than she could her own biological brother. This label represents the graveyard of broken dreams, and you need to keep it off yourself at all costs.
Still, listen to any one of these gab shows that women participate in, and whenever they are asked to describe what they’re looking for in terms of an ideal mate, they all talk about this mythical “nice guy” who has yet to appear in their lives and sweep them away. However, as a man, if you actually get tagged as a nice guy you’re romantically dead. So what is going on here?
Here’s a post I ran across by Genevieve Mullins that I thought made some good points about the sorts of things that turn women on. I feel it’s always good to get a woman’s perspective when it comes to seduction and dating tips, especially a cute one like her.
This is, after all, about getting inside their heads, right? Here’s a few interesting quotes that I pulled:
On the power of whispering:
“Whether it’s done in bed or while we’re out in public, a quiet whisper or breathing a little too close to the inside of my ear turns me on almost no matter who I’m speaking to – it’s quite disturbing, actually…”
About holding sway in your relationship with her:
“Don’t let me boss you around too much. I still like to be the boss in every other facet of my life, but not so much in a relationship. It’s the guy who I can’t exactly conquer who holds on to my line of interest and attention…”
Nowadays, women are beginning to expect more creativity from men regarding their skills at dating…
There’s no doubt that those men who can deliver the psychological goods possess a definitive edge nowadays. One serious dating landmine that I think you may want to avoid is pressing forward straight into a heavily romantic date too soon, especially as a FIRST date.
Romantic dates staged too soon in the “feeling out” process can quickly get out of control and devolve into ugly pissing contests just as easily as they can a roll in the sack… and often due to some minor issue that should’ve never come up in the first place if the two of you weren’t so intent on interrogating and testing one another.
That’s because these pre-first-sex dates can be too heavy on the talking and too light on the connecting. Too much self-revelation right out of the gate cancels out most of the fantasy elements that likely got her interested in you in the FIRST place — so don’t be too anxious to shed your cloak of mystery and get things grounded in reality right away. People do this because they’ve been burned before and don’t trust anyone, and so they want to strip away all pretenses ASAP and find out what they’re dealing with (another loser?… another crazy bitch?…) before they invest too much time and hope into another person who turns out to be not what they originally seemed.
I found this vid poking around on YT and thought you might grab a few insights from it. I summarized most of Jenna’s core points below. I agree with the first four items as being noble characteristics to strive for in any sort of relationship — the rest I think are more personal gripes based on her own bad experiences with guys, but she does make a few good points nonetheless. See what you think.
by Jenna Anne
Crib Notes Summary:
Demonstrate real confidence in yourself, NOT arrogance (a.k.a. fake confidence)…
Don’t take yourself too seriously, be light-hearted and easy-going…
Don’t make “throw away promises” that you don’t intend to keep just to get some immediate result from her (sex, shut the hell up, etc.). Follow through with all your promises, or don’t make them in the first place…
Do those little “under the radar” things that tickle her by making her seem like she’s your girl…
Tease her lightly and always in good humor…