I once said that ‘chemistry’ was the most hated word in the world of dating and hooking up, at least as far as men are concerned.
I apologize… how could I have forgotten that most scurrilous of all slanderers – the nice guy. The nice guy. If you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of having the label ‘nice guy’ hung on you by some chick that you’re hot for, forget it… you’ve just been deposited straight into the dumpster.
The nice guy may be all things wonderful to all women, except for the minor fact that he’s sexually invisible to her! Most women can no more contemplate having sex with a guy she thinks of as “nice” than she could her own biological brother. This label represents the graveyard of broken dreams, and you need to keep it off yourself at all costs.
Still, listen to any one of these gab shows that women participate in, and whenever they are asked to describe what they’re looking for in terms of an ideal mate, they all talk about this mythical “nice guy” who has yet to appear in their lives and sweep them away. However, as a man, if you actually get tagged as a nice guy you’re romantically dead. So what is going on here?
Well, as usual, women are talking out of both sides of their ass on this subject. Just like “chemistry”, nice guy is another one of those nondescript terms that means one glorious thing when they pine away about it and quite another when they actually encounter it in real life. Despite the fact that most feral women (18-35) at some point hook up with the drunken lowlifes and jerks they all claim to hate, they would have you believe this happens only because the right “nice guy” hasn’t come-a-stumbln’ into their life yet. Yeah right… now there’s some delusional thinking in action!
Here’s the real deal, while women pay lip service to nice guys, they secretly despise them. Why? Because explicit niceness (perhaps even “pornographic” niceness is a better way to put it ) is the unmistakable signature of the supplicant, beaten male… the low status male. This is someone whom a woman’s deepest mating instincts compel her to reject!
Women recognize nice guy behavior as originating from you having been put in your place by other more powerful men. In other words, nice guy is how subservient men have learned to act in order to protect themselves from harm (“I am no threat to your status as the more dominant male… please don’t hurt me… let me be your harmless, lovable side-kick…”). Somehow we need to distinguish between this groveling kind of suck-ass nice guy, and whatever behavior it is that women actually seem to be looking for.
I think when women blab away about these mythical nice guys what they’re really dreaming of is a guy who makes them feel safe… but in a certain way that preserves his sexual attractiveness to them. Now to a woman, safe means ONLY that you’re physically harmless to them, nothing more. In terms of whatever mayhem you could create with her emotions, well… that’s a different story. A blend of hot n’ cold, exciting n’ boring, safe n’ dangerous is what she’s really after. So this is the lightning in a bottle we’re looking to capture.
You want to demonstrate that your acceptance of the role of her protector, while at the same time hint at the potential of creating the kind of intense emotions that she craves. Never ACT like a nice guy around women, but always SEEM like you could be one when she needs it most. That’s your balancing act.
As always, the trick is mostly one of awareness in striving to understand how you’re coming across to women. It’s basically just learning to keep up a confident flirt while avoiding a desperate posture. Women are abundant in your life, right? This is the attitude that has to just pour out of you. Her response always has to seem like a done deal in your own mind. Some women will actually trance-out and begin to make submissive gestures almost unconsciously. These types of reactions are instinctive mating reflexes that are still very powerful, so provoke them at your own risk. (I’m kidding of course… provoke away!)
A lot of the magic that separates life’s winners from losers is positive expectancy coming from the winners. When people get the sense that whatever you’re doing is already a “done deal” in your own mind, they have a tendency to go along and play their expected role in your scheme. Not always of course, but often enough to make things break in your favor. In the similar but opposite way, if a negative expectancy about something comes through in your attitude (like a stuttering, uncertain approach for instance) people will also tend to “help out” by gladly taking a dump all over your dreams.
It’s kind of like littering in the park… if the park seems clean, people will pick up after themselves. But if there’s garbage all over the place, they’ll feel free to add to the mess with their own contribution of candy wrappers and empty beer cans. People are easily manipulated whenever they are confronted by what seems like the inevitable to them – this is a trick that politicians have used for centuries to control the behaviors and allegiances of entire nations. Make it seem like the ‘winds of change’ have already switched direction and all that’s left is for you to hop on the bandwagon. Individuals who achieve things both great and notorious have learned to make this phenomenon work in their own interest.
Simply master this positive expectancy nuance of the seduction game, and you can show up on any woman’s radar as that rarest of encounters for her… a nice guy with a sexy edge!
So how do you get this ‘sexy edge’ deal working for you? Well, there are generally two things that women are attracted to in men – either their look or their proficient performance at some task (okay, or both). Yeah it’s great to have a happening look going for you, but being engaged in a sexy activity can compensate for your NOT looking good sometimes. There is a way to throw her a curve by being the “right guy” in the wrong package by playing up some unique aspect of yourself that you’re good at. It doesn’t have to be anything fantastic like performing on stage, just something that you can show off doing with some degree of confidence. Playing an instrument, snowboarding, kicking butt at some sport, giving a speech to class, shooting pool, etc.
Make her see you as the answer to the question “where are all the nice guys at?”, and you’re on your way to working a successful seduction. Just make sure that you’re playing the part of the physically safe – emotionally-challenging kind of nice guy and not the desperate – fawning type. Get her to associate you with exciting times, and maybe even just a bit of danger. This is what distinguishes the guy who’s hot from the dud.
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