The Burden of Male Virginity
by Mike Pilinski on Mar.08, 2010, under General Thoughts
Lately I’ve been peeking at some of the search terms that guys have been using to find this blog, and I’ve noticed the term “male virgin” comes up somewhat frequently in various different forms. I don’t really have anything amazing to say about this topic at the moment, but I researched around a bit and found some posts on other blogs that I thought you might like to have a look at:
The Modern Savage — The Dilemmas of Male Virgins
This is actually a very interesting blog in general, not just this particular post about male virgins. The writer gets into statistics and charts quite a bit but keeps everything very intriguing and avoids getting dry and technical. There’s also a ton of good links on this blog, enough to keep you busy poking around for a while.
Tre’s Sugar — Dating a Male Virgin
The key question posed by the male virgin himself is short and straight to the point, but you should really find the thread of follow-up comments by women to be very interesting indeed. Take a look.
Health Central — Male Virgin at 29 and never dated
This one is a bit more clinical and has to do with coping with the anxiety that’s created by being a male virgin. Some good links showing you where to get help if you feel that you need it.
Again, not all of you will be interested in this particular topic, but I know this hits a note with some of you and so there it is. My own rule on this issue is that you should NEVER reveal your virgin status to any woman that you are interested in dating, and you should try not to let it affect you at all — although I know this becomes a heavier lift as you get older. The problem isn’t so much the status itself as the obsessive focus on it, which tends to corrode away at your confidence.
Two things you need to pound into your head about this subject as it affects you personally: NO mentioning it to the girl EVER, and NO fear!
Keep you focus on charming her and off yourself as much as possible… just assume that your animal instincts will get you through the cherry-popping okay. If it really freaks you out then use a hooker if you have to (a time-honored de-flowering method for men throughout the ages…). Just do whatever it takes to put your virginity behind you and move on. Don’t make it into anything more than the non-issue it really is. You will always be miserable to the degree that you allow your negative thoughts and emotions to guide your behaviors and actions.
I’m interested in your comments and thoughts. Let’s kick this around some more.
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14 Comments for this entry
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The High Status Male!
I'm Mike Pilinski and this is my blog. The High Status Male is all about helping men who have been cursed with social or romantic anxiety to overcome their deepest shame-based fears and find love and acceptance.
Most of us are naturally a little nervous when approaching a girl for the first time, but if your fear is so powerful that it's been blocking you from having any sort of social life at all, then you're at the right place. I am the author of two highly acclaimed books on the subject of overcoming shyness, teaching yourself how to remain cool and calm in the face of social and romantic pressure, and generally just dealing with an over-sized fear of being rejected when trying to meet women.
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March 9th, 2010 on 1:15 am
I’m pretty much beginning a new mindset. I am trying my best to not think about my virginity any more. It drives my thought process way too much. I go to bed at night thinking about the past years and analyzing why I have screwed up with every single girl I’ve tried to get. I am not going to try anymore. Or should I say, I am going to be as chill and relaxed as possible and if I’m into a girl, I’m going to be extremely casual. It may not get anywhere, but I am done trying.
I am 23 years old and have never really dated in my life (except for first dates with some girls that never turn into second ones). I think about my situation on a daily basis. I’ve been considering getting a hooker. We’ll see. I am just sick and tired of it bringing me down.
I feel like I am abnormal. I walk to class every day thinking I am a kid, and everyone else are adults. I’m surrounded by beautiful women constantly all day every day in one of the greatest party schools in America in the best part of CA, and I cannot have any of them. Or I can, I just do not how how despite the fact that I’ve been studying and reading books and getting as much advice as possible. The only times I’ve made out with girls is at parties when they’re drunk. I could never bring them home.
What sucks even more is that I’m graduating soon, and worried about what to do when I leave this social atmosphere and move to a new place and have to start all over with a social life that’s going to be much more difficult to get because I’m going to be in the real world 40 hrs a week instead of being around hotties in a classroom or a party.
My zero experience with girls has affected my schoolwork and many other habits. I get bouts of depression. So I am going to force myself to not think about it anymore, and just try to be happy with what I have. We’ll see what the future brings.
March 17th, 2010 on 9:31 pm
as a male virgin at 57 i am proud of what i am and i do not hide it from anyone only family and friends knew of this but i did get told many times i must be gay which is the one thing hate to be called this even in jest which was part of the reason why i first went on a talk show back in 12 dec 1999 i have now been on six talk show the last in dec 2008 i ask you this why should a virgin hide we have morals and standards while we are called gay that is the worst thing you can call a virgin gays do not have morals or standards.
April 25th, 2010 on 3:12 pm
What I can’t understand is why women always say they want to find a nice guy but then they always seem to go for jerks. It seems like it’s necessary to be a jerk or a “bad boy” to pick up hot girls these days?
April 27th, 2010 on 3:45 am
Hi there could I use some of the insight here in this entry if I link back to you?
April 27th, 2010 on 8:20 pm
Absolutely, go right ahead!
Mike Pilinski
May 2nd, 2010 on 3:39 pm
One again, your articles is very good.thank you!very much.
May 2nd, 2010 on 11:32 pm
Terrific work! This is the type of information that should be shared around the web. Shame on the search engines for not positioning this post higher!
May 8th, 2010 on 3:47 pm
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May 8th, 2010 on 5:39 pm
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May 9th, 2010 on 8:00 am
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May 9th, 2010 on 2:41 pm
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May 17th, 2010 on 1:10 am
Some good insights on this site…right now I have a question on this subject since I am working on a book dating and how to get a girlfriend in today’s world. I’d like to get your comments on this new trend of men studying “pickup”, and I’m curious whether that stuff works? Is there one “guru” out there who can actually teach guys to pick up women?
May 17th, 2010 on 12:00 pm
I wish someone could explain to me why girls say they want to meet a nice guy but then they wind up dating creeps. It seems like a guy has to be a total jerk or a “bad boy” to pick up women nowadays?
May 18th, 2010 on 3:53 pm
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