The High Status Male

Mike,

I found your books to be very interesting and I felt that they related to my life more so than ‘The Game’ because it isn’t so fIxated on the club scene.  (I have also been reading the Layguide as well and multiple links from the Fast Seduction website).  I don’t really have anyone to discuss your books with — I have been reading up on some of your forums, reading your books.  I haven’t yet really listened the audio or the workbook yet though (I bought your package about 2 weeks ago).  In theory I understand everything you are saying and it all makes sense, but I  still have that fear of approaching women.

I have tried to figure things out and I have come up with two significant events in my life.  The first is that I am an identical twin and for the majority of my life I have always been around my brother.  I feel I have gotten so used to having him around that I am uncomfortable trying things on my own.  Also when I was younger I got into a bike crash and smashed up my teeth pretty badly.  I still haven’t got them fixed, couple are chipped and crooked.  I still remember this moment vividly in my mind and think that at times this may be making me more self conscious than I should probably be.

I am only 20 years old, so I still have plenty of time, but I want to be able to take full advantage of being in college with tons of single girls.  I have only dated or seen one girl in my life and we dated for about 2 years. I have trouble approaching complete strangers though, the thought of not knowing what they are going to say in response scares me.  I know I just need to overcome my fear of approaching and I will immediately start to see results, but I’m having trouble getting over the hump.  I am not a bad looking guy, I feel like I have been getting interest from some girls, but not really enough to be able to act upon.

I don’t know where I am going with all of this rambling, any help or insight you can provide would be great.

Thanks,
Danny

Hi Danny,

Well the identical twin thing is a bit unusual and it’s something that I don’t really have any personal experience with (nor do I know any identical twins), but it could be that you are experiencing a bit of separation anxiety or some such thing, and this is something that you’ll just have to grow out of I would think.  You’re young and as you say have plenty of time, so I wouldn’t worry.  There are still very many life changes ahead for any 20 year old! Being on your own now at college will help this process, and you should begin to gradually desensitize to this kind of anxiety over time.

The important thing is to avoid “turtling-up” and withdrawing in the face of this or any other type of fear… if you do that the fears will only grow stronger and you will waste more of your time chasing down the causes of your anxiety than doing those things (like reaching out socially to others) that will eventually make it go away naturally.

So be mindful to direct your thoughts and energies OUTWARD as much as you can, rather than obsessing inward on your own closed-off thoughts too much.  Stay involved — join some groups and organizations or study groups.  Volunteer for stuff on or off campus.  This is how you make friends.  Just don’t let yourself become isolated… because it’s a self-propelling burden that will only make you seem more weird and a bigger question mark to those around you.  This is NOT a good way to meet women, to say the least! They look for men who are into things that give them some juice… have a drive and apparent purpose or goal in life, and have a base of close friends to provide them with so-called social proof.

The way to do this is to be social and that means you must network… join some of those clubs or groups, go out for some sports.  Networking is where all your best chances to meet girls will occur.  Say ‘yes’ to every offer to party or hang out or do whatever it takes (to the extent that it doesn’t interfere with your studies, of course).

Also the thing about the missing teeth is no big deal… in Canada they call it a ‘hockey smile’ and guys wear it with pride!

You can get them fixed after college if you want.  As an adult trying to break into the working world, that’s when it may become more of an issue for you.  I wouldn’t worry about it until then.  Get busy reading and listening to my program and figure out how to apply my ideas to your own life and situation.

Remember the ultimate goal should always be to raise your status in order to ATTRACT women — rather than chase after them from a position of social weakness. Do whatever it takes to stay connected, stay involved, and take a chance here and there where it seems you have good odds of success.  Or even if you don’t and fail, so what?

Most importantly of all: Dump the Emotion And Save the Data! This means that you have to coldly and ruthlessly extract the lessons embedded in your failures and learn from them, while absolutely REFUSING to take any of these setbacks personally… because this only produces negative emotions that will ultimately hold you back in the future and could even cause you to shut down completely.  Don’t fall into the trap of letting your fears rule you!… like I did when I was your age.  Learn from my experiences — that’s why I wrote my books.