The High Status Male

Hi Mike,

I go to gym regularly, and the other day I made nice eye contact with a girl who seemed to be showing a willingness to talk to me.  So I took a chance and offered to take her to the best place in the city for chicken wings.  She asked me where that was.  I was stuck and couldn’t give her the exact name of any great restaurants, so I think I may’ve messed up there?  Then I asked for her phone number and she wouldn’t give it to me.  At that point, I asked her whether or not she had a boyfriend.  She said yes, and so I said goodbye and left.

Today when I went to the gym the supervisor told me that this girl was very much distressed when I pressed her for her phone number.  He said I could not press his staff for their personal information, and that he must cancel my membership unless I apologize to her.

I told him that if I  distressed her, I was willing to apologize and did so.  I think that maybe the question about the boyfriend may have offended her?   Please provide your opinion.  I have since listened your audio on how to ask for a date with the hanging question — I think I will be more confident  asking for dates in the right way from now on!

Thank you!
Ray

Hi Ray,

It’s tough for me to assess what exactly you may’ve done wrong with this girl just from reading your description of events.  I can’t get a sense of how you may’ve presented yourself or if she was sending out the wrong or confusing signals to you.  Or maybe you were just ignoring them and pushing forward anyway?  If she was just being an over-sensitive bitch, etc.   I don’t know.

There is some elevated risk involved in just going for a phone number ‘cold’ like you did.   Sometimes a girl will lock up in the face of a very sudden, bold approach and just snap-reject you. That’s because, in your haste to just keep talking (in order to keep your own fears and insecurities at bay) you made her feel like she’s being boxed into a corner and not being given a chance to get a sense of who you are FIRST, and then to consider your offer calmly.   Or at least what passes for calm reflection at a time like this.   Rationally, I guess you might say.

Instead you’re asking her to just quick hand over her phone number right this moment based on your straightforward offer which, you must realize, is just coming straight out of the blue from her perspective.  It’s okay to take these sort of chances, just understand the risks to the ego are a bit greater than if you take a more roundabout approach.

See when women feel pressured like this they get scared and their fear shuts down the rational side of their mind and calls up her natural protective instincts.   And this instinct instantly compels her to close down and say ‘no’ to anything that you happen to be asking (or demanding of) her to do — to turn you away, to get some physical separation from you, to move you back to a place or situation where’s she’s ’safe’ again.   And all this is done with little or no regard to your feelings. Because women typically have no honor or sense of fair play when it comes to matters of the heart, she’ll tell you anything to get safe… that she has a boyfriend, a husband, that she’s a lesbian or even has herpes… all just to make you cease and desist and go away!

Again, you can mistakenly read this kind of reaction as a horrible personal judgement against yourself (like I used to!), but it’s really just a protective reflex for a lot of people.  Not everyone — some girls are bold and can be up for taking a chance on a sudden opportunity if you catch them in the right mood.  They will make impulsive decisions — but here’s the trouble: it’s hard to tell WHO those ‘player’ women could be beforehand without your actually having to approach them directly and find out.  There can often be no indication either way, so you just have to go for it.   Just like you did!  This is the sort of ’style’ of gaming women that will either get you a nasty rejection or a major home-run sexual / romantic experience! I don’t know what the odds are here, but it’s a total crapshoot for sure.

The less nerve-wracking move is to joke around and talk with a female prospect a little bit and try to get a read on her.  It may even take a few encounters such as if you see her at work or school.  You get a sense of her digging your style (or not), humor, general ‘vibe’ — and then you act based upon that read… that educated guess.  This is more art than science as you can imagine.  There are no certainties when it comes to women.  This is and always will be a slippery game from a man’s point of view.

The more important thing is that the feeling out process gives her a chance to develop a sense about you and see if you can get her romantic antenna to go up.   If you do, she will begin to signal her interest back in the form of body language cues — most importantly, lingering eye contact. From this posture your asking her out will then seem like a logical (women would call it ‘natural’) extension of the growing connection that the two of you seem to be developing.

She will be far more likely to accept your offer now, especially if you use my techniques which will allow her to “see it coming” and psychologically prepare herself for the ‘hit’.  She will have had the time to wrestle with her fears and decide in advance of you asking anything what her answer will be.   This is the position that you are always looking to maneuver yourself into with women. The best thing is to always have several of them in play and see which one bears fruit first.  Make it your own personal game.

Seduction actually begins long before your absolute interest is formally announced by your verbally asking a woman for a date, or even stealing a kiss.

REMEMBER THIS: all of this highly important work that you are doing to “soften her up” like this by just chatting and joking around and connecting with a woman is NOT wasted blab in the service your fear — something which you must then feel guilty about or become self-castigating about… it IS the actual preliminary groundwork of seducing any woman! It IS the seduction itself… now underway and in progress.  No need to punish yourself and make all this stuff deliberately more harder than it already is by nature, by forcing yourself to act boldly in the face of your normal fear.

These are the ’stealthy’ actions that you should always be leading off with to set up and establish your social life.  Have fun!