The High Status Male

Hey Mike,

I’ve been loving your book, it’s really hit home on several things. I can relate to much of it and it has been invaluable.

First a little background.  I met this girl out one night and we ended up back at my place. That was February. I called her a couple of days later, then didn’t run into her until the next week on campus.  She said she had enjoyed being with me, and still had my number. (Obviously I had not been actively pursuing her, calling all the time, etc.)

Long story short, she called me that Sunday night and we hooked up again.  All good.  So she left for spring break and will be back soon.  She did call out of the blue this past week from home just to say “hi” and said that we should get together when she gets back.  Things seem to be going great so far, but I want to stay ahead of the game on this.  I can see myself wanting to revert back to some “nice guy” ways, but I know that is probably the wrong thing to do.

Here’s my question — If and when this thing develops into a relationship, what do women want and/or what do they need once they decide they want to have a relationship with you?

Barry

Hi Barry,

Thanks for your kind words about the book, I’m glad that it’s been helpful to you.

As for your situation… it seems like you’re moving along pretty good on this thing. Two phases exist at the start of relationships — pivotal to your chances — that you should keep in mind.  You have to play them sort of ‘bad cop – good cop’.  First you’re the “bad” cop (which is enticing), then your the “good” cop AFTER you reach phase 2, in order to seal the deal.

Phase One is pre-’first sex’. The balance of power shifts from girl to guy when the first episode of sex occurs.  In the beginning, (the pre-sex part of dating) the woman holds all of the power.  Either you perform the way she wants (dominant male) or you’re rejected.  The guy basically is walking a fine line between trying to keep her interested and trying NOT to piss her off or bore her so that he can get into her pants.  Problem is that she knows this all too well, AND IS TESTING THE HELL OUT OF YOU to make her decision as to whether or not to give it up to you.  That’s because she understands that once she does, the balance of power in the relationship shifts over to the guy, and stays there pretty much for good (until we marry them, then all bets are off…

You job here is to make sure that you don’t get too “pally wally” with her and end up killing the budding passion… and end up in the “friends” zone.  If this happens you’re dead… and you’ll get the “I think you’re a great guy, but we should just be friends…” brush off.  Make sure that you keep some edge and mystery about yourself, and don’t get too self-introspective — as this puts you in a bad light by revealing too many of your flaws, thus killing all the mystery.  Save all that for Phase 2 when the idea is to BOND her to you as a loyal partner and lover for good.

Phase Two is post-sex. She has felt enough trust in your character to hand over the power in the relationship by having sex with you.  She’s betting that you don’t cut and run, or suddenly undergo a change in that character.  You now have the power to disappoint her and break her heart. If you really like her and want to lay the groundwork for a healthy and fun relationship, study the section in the book about meeting her Four Primary Emotional Needs, beginning on page 204.  If you can be this kind of guy for her, your bond of love (and increasingly better sex) will grow as she comes to see you as possibly the best guy she’ll ever find.  Then you can steer her towards fulfill YOUR 4 primary emotional needs, and bingo… well, it doesn’t get any better than this.  The near-perfect relationship.  Relationships that start this way have a lot of staying power.

The tough part, and the part that only YOU can decide, is IF this is the girl that you want to go down this road with in the first place.