The High Status Male

Hello Mike,

I’ve been working basically on talking to girls and saying “Hi”, just to get rid of my fear of approaching them.  I was in the club last night and there was this girl that I really liked but before I could gain the courage to approach another guy had moved on her.   I’d like to know what is the best way to go about approaching girls in clubs.  Thanks.

Ted

Hi Ted,

Thanks for writing.  Clubs can be tough, they are not the normal world where regular sort of social techniques are effective.  Everybody has their eyes on the top 10% of hot bodies (both men and women) and everyone else looks diminished and low quality in their shadow.   This makes it damn hard to get a “hearing” from women, so it’s a tough environment that requires a thick skin for rejection.  That’s because girls who would otherwise pick up a flirt and play around for awhile with any guy like yourself will reject you pretty quickly instead, especially if it’s obvious to them that you don’t have a lot of “club mojo” or aren’t a regular player in that environment.

Here’s 3 things to know about working in clubs:

1) You have to open with a big playful flirt, something like “Hey baby, you were smokin’ out there on the dance floor! Very nice, I love that _____ look (mention something unique about her look), it’s great.” This delivery should be big and grand and done with a laughing, joking demeanor.  A meek little “Hi my name is Joe…” approach here will be ignored.   You’re invisible giving off this little energy.

2) Watch her eyes! If you get good eye contact and she picks up your flirt you have a shot.  If she won’t meet your eye, then bail-out and save yourself.   She’s a queen who’s not interested in you, for whatever reason.   Pushing further will only draw a firmer rejection.   So you have to sort through them fast in this environment because a lot of them are just out shitting around with girlfriends and ego-tripping on all the guys hitting on them or staring and drooling.  Many have boyfriends.   Women will usually make this sort of grading determination about a man (hot-or-not) in about 3 minutes — in the real world.   In “club reality” you probably have a minute or less.

3) Everything is time-compressed in a club, there’s no getting phone numbers or having long, pleasant conversations here.   It’s all about ACTION and moving and dancing. You have to seem like a player and not a wallflower or you become background noise that gets ignored.   Move around, talk up lots of women, dance.   When women are in motion their juices are flowing and the men appear sexier and more appealing to them. That’s why guys often end up doing it right out in the parking lots with these chicks — time compression means cutting right to the chase lots of times.   This is not a venue to meet people for later dating, it’s about TONIGHT!  What happens tonight.   Lots of touching, flirting, sexual innuendo are in order.   The women are there to get buzzed up and excited and possibly have some kind of adventure tonight — not to meet nice guys.

If you can learn to shift gears and take on a “club-face”… dance, circulate around, become a recognized face, and especially get gossiped about by the women, then you can do well in this environment.   It can be tough for introverts, but if you want to play in this arena then you have to train yourself for this style of game, just like an athletic event.