The High Status Male

Hi Mike!

Here I am 26 years old and still a virgin.  I can’t get rid of the self image which tells me that I’m not boyfriend material, and somehow I feel inferior to other men.  I’m not being treated as equal among men who are more successful with women and physically stronger then I am.

It seems that I suffer from a kind of social phobia.  I have fear of contact with people.  For example, I’m very nervous when I go to the store to the point where I start to stutter and speak in that ugly submissive voice.  The question is – how do I change all this — how can I defeat fear?  Do you have a suggestion how could I reframe my thinking and my self-image?

Thanx my friend,
Robert

Hey Bob,

Well, you ask the million dollar question; how to defeat fear?… a primal emotion that holds us in a mostly neurochemical grip that can be made worse by the actions of the conscious mind.  Any program that helps individuals confront phobias (and social phobia is as real as any) always focuses on gradual exposure to increasingly stronger episodes of that person’s worse fear (desensitization) in an attempt to convince the mind of the harmlessness of the stimulus — which is always far less that perceived.  But perception is reality, if it’s real for your mind, then it’s real… period.  You can use techniques like NLP, that are mechanistic and promise fast results, but it all comes down to changing the thinking of your unconscious mind.

As for your actions around women, you’ve fallen into a pattern of poor thinking habits and ineffective ways of interacting with them based on your fears.  What you need to do is act in a way that demonstrates both to the woman and to your unconscious mind that you are not afraid to show off your feelings. Next time you get a chance with a girl anywhere, turn, smile and say something like this: “Hi, my name is Bob… I think I saw that (necklace, dress) on the cover of a magazine the other day, it really looks terrific on you.”

Something that you would never say ordinarily.  Something that shocks your unconscious, and changes it’s self-view.  It doesn’t even have to go any farther than that.  Just flirt and walk away.  It’s training.  If you do this enough times, one day something will snap over like a light switch in your brain, and you will suddenly feel acting in this fashion to be “normal”.  At that point your fear doesn’t really exist in the same way it did before.  It’s less focused, weaker.

Until you do this sort of homework you will never see any real change in yourself — even if you find a way to force change, you will always find yourself slipping back into old habits and patterns.  That’s because the unconscious will gradually guide you back towards the reality that it is comfortable with.  That it believes in.  You can’t talk to this part of the human mind, you have to show it. Demonstrate for it.