The High Status Male

Hey Mike…

I have struggled with autism all my life which allows me to function academically but has limited my social skills.  The only experiences I’ve had with women were with a girl who was severely overweight and 2 others that I had met when I was hospitalized briefly with depression.   In 2003, I started having an early “midlife crisis” which has prompted me to lose 45 pounds.  I have continued and will continue to maintain the buff and lean physical condition.

My personality has changed in the past few years from being the submissive nice guy to the asshole jock type after putting up with women making remarks about me being a doormat.   I have a great amount of resentment towards women and this gets in the way of interacting with them to the point where I become cold and aloof.

My biggest torment is at the gym where not a day goes by without the sight of the twenty-somethings working out on the cardio machines.   I’ve been told that at my age they are out of my league.  However, I have talked to other guys who are about my age, and such differences did not limit their success.   Would you mind telling me what is in my league in terms of women I could realistically pursue age-wise and possibly include a couple pictures of such women that I can use as a benchmark.

Will

Hi Will,

The whole “in your league” thing is the wrong way to approach this.  No high status male wonders if he’s in any woman’s league… he lets her worry if she’s in HIS.  Your problem is not any age difference, but this resentment that you claim to have.  It’s making you send out signals that repel women by making you seem weird or possibly even dangerous to them.  What they look like means nothing and is a matter of your own personal taste, which I cannot define for you by sending you any pictures.  They are all potentially yours to go after as you see fit.

You need to act open, friendly and interesting to women in order to get on their radar.  They are the ones who select the men, and will signal their interest back to him in some way, most often with solid eye contact. Remember how I talked about charisma in the book?  It’s all about making other people feel GOOD about themselves by having encountered you.   Do you make women feel this way by complimenting and flirting with them — or are you creeping them out with a nasty glare or a refusal to make eye contact?  There’s your answer.  All of those other factors that you listed about yourself including your physical look (which is fine) never come into play if you don’t break down your barriers and begin presenting yourself in a way that fascinates at the moment of first contact. My new book gives lots of pointers about making this first impression work in your favor rather than against you.

You’ve worked to buff up physically, which helps to get you noticed… but that was the easy part.   Now you have to put all the mental mistakes of the past behind you and buff up your attitude and start making yourself seem more fun and approachable to women, or all that work will have been wasted.   Don’t let your disability or late start be an excuse — you learned electrical engineering, you can learn to do this.   Let go of the hate and the rage — it’s time to outgrow all of that junk and get busy living your life to the fullest.

Here’s another article I’ve got posted in my eLert stack about picking up women at the gym.