The High Status Male

Hi Mike

There is this restaurant that I frequent twice a week for coffee.  There is a waitress that really caught my eye.  Now I remembered what your book said about playing it cool.  Don’t try to rush into anything.  So I took your advice further and noticed an article that she was wearing.  It was a nice bracelet.  I commented on it, and she seemed quite flattered and explained that she had just gotten back from Cuba and bought it there.

The guy who was with me is my boss.  He has known me for several years and commented on how far I’ve come since he’s known me.  He said I would never have started a conversation with a girl like that in the past!

Another time when we were in there, she came over to clear some tables and asked me what time I was finished with work.  No girl has ever done that before!  I told her 3:30.  Then I asked her what time she got off and she said around 2:00.  Now tell me something Mike, would that have been a good time to have taken it further and try for a date?  I didn’t know what else to say.  I just kind of sat there feeling stupid.

Of course your book states to give her a little mystery.  So I didn’t feel too bad about it.  Another time we were in there, I was paying her and we got into another conversation, she seemed very interested in talking to me.  I still didn’t do anything though, I just let the conversation flow.  Well, I didn’t see her for several weeks but then again, isn’t that a good thing?  Give her some breathing room?

However, after those several weeks passed, I saw her again in the restaurant and something had changed.  I didn’t seem to have an opportunity to talk with her, and when I did talk to her she didn’t seem to want to keep the conversation going.  Like she was avoiding me.  I’m thinking, maybe I should have asked her out that first time I seemed to have had a chance?

Sam

Hi Sam,

Dammit you were going along great with this girl but then you failed to follow through… YOU FAILED TO ESCALATE! Remember what I talked about in the book?  A seduction moves through stages… flirting, showing interest, trading some basic info to see how compatible you both are (common interests, etc.).  THEN you have to ask her out for a lunch or coffee date and begin to establish your romantic interest in her.  At each step along the way, one phase runs it’s course and then you have to escalate to the next one… or the girl loses interest in you (because she thinks you’re really not interested in her — she thinks you’re just fucking around with her head and gets pissed or is saddened, whatever) and she goes cold.  Been there, done that.

Other times however, you need to short circuit this entire process and skip ahead a few steps depending upon the signals that the girl sends your way. Remember it’s the women that do the real choosing in the mating game — as a man you must learn to react swiftly when they do, or the seduction will run out of energy fast.  You have to stay light on your feet and alert for your opportunities to move.  If you over think all is lost.

This chance is gone now. NEXT TIME, don’t give into your fear and just casually ask her out.  That should’ve been the next logical step in your ongoing exchanges with her.  The signals were all GO but your fear blocked you.  You might still be ashamed to make this transition and reveal your need for the affection of a woman, choosing to hide behind your aloofness instead.  There is a shame/fear issue here.  Read the book again about that and get John Bradshaw’s book that I recommend, it will help you immensely.