The High Status Male

Hi Mike,

I am on my third reading of your book.  I must say that after each reading It seems to be soaking into the old subconscious a little bit deeper.  I have a question about the issue of establishing yourself as a HSM.

What if you meet a girl and you find out that you’ve both jumped into sex after the first or second date and that it was often a mistake.  None of these type of quickie relationships ever went well for either of us.   We have both talked about it and agree that there needs to be some time to get to know another person if you are eventually looking for a lasting relationship (she is looking for Mr. Right and thinks she has wasted a lot of years chasing after losers).   The only problem is — I am afraid of waiting TOO long.  Ya know, after reading your book, I am now petrified of being labeled as a buddy or the dreaded “friend” if things go on too long like this (with no sex)!!!

What if I tell her: “I usually have girls falling all over me after the first few dates, but it never goes anywhere.   I want to make this something special with you this time — so lets wait a month or two, and if we aren’t ripping each others clothes off by then, maybe it just wasn’t in the cards for us.”

Is it too corny or Low Status to say shit like this?… or is this the right thing to do with someone that you think might be a keeper?   I have to tell you this women is 39, a 9.5 with a jogger’s build… 5′ 7″ with the body of a 15 year old… perfect skin that smells like heaven… Sorry, I got carried away!   But you did say that when you find your perfect body-type you can’t pass it up, right?

Ron

Hey Ron,

Thanks for writing and for your continued study of the book, you are truly the motivated student!

The whole thing about the male HSM aura is most valuable in creating an initial attraction with a woman so as to have her set you up in her mind as a guy she could potentially take as a lover.  Once she’s made this evaluation of you and accepted you in this potentially romantic way, it’s alright to act in ways that you might otherwise consider to be “LSM”, since you’re kind of “home free” now to some extent.  Naturally you can’t revert to a complete sniveling wimp or her mind will change about you fast, but what you describe in your e-mail certainly isn’t going that far.

It’s very mature to do what you’re doing with her — delaying the sex and extending the courtship phase.  This is a great way to build anticipation… which is a key element of seduction.  The tease, the waiting.  It’s there to savor like a fine meal… rather than wolf down like a Quarter pounder.   You both have experienced how fast your feelings for someone can fade when this aspect is missing and you hit the bedroom too soon.  I think you’re playing this perfectly — and that dialog you wrote was right on the money… it’s exactly the sentiment you want to convey to her.  She’s no kid any more so she should be beyond the one night stand BS and ready for a guy like you who wants to take the relationship more seriously.   Pushing to get her into bed right away isn’t HSM anyway but just false machismo really, the idea of the quick conquest and all.   This produces a cute fantasy that can be very intense, but it doesn’t have much staying power over the long haul.

For that, the physical must be a final punctuation mark to a grand emotional connection, which takes time to establish.

Stay the course with her — there is little danger of her putting you in the friend category now as she’s already pegged you with “lover potential”.   You’re beyond that phase of attraction now, the first impression and all.   Just make sure you keep plenty of hands on her and frequent kissing and so forth to establish the momentum towards the bedroom… but let her continue to guess when the big moment will arrive. If this girl can’t be set up and courted in this way and love every minute of it, then she’s got big problems that you probably won’t be able to solve.