The High Status Male

Hi Mike,

My name is Andy.  I am 22 and entering my final semester in college.  I want to complement you for the book Without Embarrassment.  Before reading your book, I was way too shy to approach girls and I became too much of a nice guy throughout high school and college.  I thought being a nice guy was the way to go since girls always complained about wanting to find a nice guy!

Your book has helped me make better eye contact, approach girls more, and to stop being an emotional tampon.  My problem has been that my friends and I generally have hung out with the same group of girls throughout my 3 and half years at college.  My 3 roommates are chick magnets but all of them have settled down with hot girlfriends now, except for me of course.  I feel like being too much of nice guy has hurt my reputation.  I am starting to get desperate because I have less than 4 months left of college and my opportunity is ending.  I guess I am looking for any sort of advice.  Thank you very much for any help you can give me.

Andy

Hi Andy

At this point there’s nothing I can tell you that will radically turn your luck around in 4 months, but there’s no need to panic over the approaching end of school or lamenting opportunities missed — they are all water under the bridge now.   The important thing is to look forward to the approach of the “real” working world that you’ll soon be entering and concentrate on re-creating your attitude and your game in ways that I describe in the book.

Many of the “techniques” that guys use in high school/college (mostly bar tricks) don’t work so great once you’re in a more adult world anyway, and so you have to adapt and make use of more sophisticated ideas like the ones I try to teach.   So basically everyone has to start over with a clean slate anyway is what I’m saying.   You probably lack some experience with women, but that’s really the only advantage your buddies have gained over you at this point.   This is not insurmountable — you can catch up fast once you make a few scores.  Plus, once you get away from this environment where you are a “known” quantity and perhaps marked as being out on the social fringes, you can begin to do things correctly and build a better image for yourself.   Review what I said about charisma in my book.

As for being a nice guy… the correct way to do the nice guy deal is with an edge. Nice only means “harmless” to women, not kiss-ass or desperate for affection.  You’re nice only because you don’t dis her as a complete whore — not because you’re willing to drop everything and come running over to unclog her kitchen sink when she calls.   It’s the idea behind the chapter heading in my first book, Comfortable Wimps, Tough Men. If you take pains to insure that you are never being the least bit of a problem to her and always a positive helpful friend, then that’s exactly what you are, a friend.   There is no sexual juice here, because this type of behavior in men is considered submissive.   And supplicant behavior does not provoke a woman’s unconscious mating instincts.   Sorry, but it just doesn’t.

On the other hand, if you can be a tough guy (emotionally) and withstand having to be the cause of a few tears in her life, you’ll send a little spear of electricity straight through all those bad feelings and light a match directly beneath those very same instincts.  This is where the triggers for love and infatuation are to be had — nature intends it to be so.  These “delusional” mind-states get the two of you to physically copulate before your higher minds can get in the way and stop you.   All such a beautiful ballet, born of biologic necessity.   You can’t fight this process or find a “work around” for it — you must learn to surf it instead.

As you pass through various phases of your life you will have to re-adapt all your methods of doing things along the way — and women will become also easier and more forgiving to deal with as you move out of the very tough school years… where their immaturity causes them to focus only on the most “happening” and “hottest” guys… and ignore guys like yourself who have more subtle qualities that are less superficial but more stable and longer lasting. (And… that make for great relationships!)   Your goal is to polish those qualities and display them with more confidence so that you get yourself on the radar screens of these women.  Once they begin to pay more attention to you, things get easier and require less raw courage… and that makes it possible even for men who are introverted to access their share of opportunities.