As the old adage mercilessly states – you only get one chance to make a first impression. No matter how much you try to play this fact down the undeniable truth is always there, especially in the emotional part of our lives. The thrill of the first date is, therefore, almost always half-pleasure, half-torture, since no one but the biggest alpha males out there can claim that they do not feel at least a bit nervous and insecure when meeting a girl they like for the first time.
You will never be able to fully get rid of this feeling and it is perhaps for the best because this nervousness can often work for our own good (the first date is not the moment to open yourself completely). However, there are a couple of things you should make sure you remember which will help you remove the unnecessary stress and focus on what you can do best – charming that girl off her feet.
Find out as much about her as possible without being too creepy.
In this day and age it is very easy to find some basic info about your date without asking her directly. Social networks are all the rage – gone are the days when you would have to feel uncomfortable because you do not know your dates last name. Do not go too far though – although it is equally easy to find out when her birthday is, she would probably consider it a bit creepy if you knew something like that on the first date.
Putting on the clothes you look best in does not have to be the best idea for the first date. Sometimes, some of our finest pieces of clothing can be terribly uncomfortable. They can also make us sweat more than we would sweat otherwise and if this happens, no deodorant will help hide the nervousness. Try to strike a balance between looking good and feeling comfortable.
Pick the right restaurant before you meet the girl.
Again, the deliciousness of the food should not be the main factor in choosing the venue to impress your date. As a matter of fact, some delicious food can cause not at all delicious problems with digestion and uncomfortable smells. Avoid spicy cuisines and focus on something classier.
Let her talk as well. Let her impress you, too.
In trying to present all their good qualities, many guys make a mistake of not letting the girl talk too much. The thing to remember is – girls like to see that you are smart, but above everything else like to be listened to. Being a good listener is crucial for your success so let her tell you all that she wants.
You probably will not get too far on the first date, but you should prepare for any eventuality.
Yes, let’s be realistic, the first date will probably only show you if you have any chance of further pursuing your goal. Not many girls will surrender completely the first time they see you and it is a good thing – taking things slowly usually means better chances of a more fundamental bond forming between you two. Sometimes, however, you might just want to have a little fun and if the girl you are dating has the same preference at that particular moment, it would be a shame not to rise to the occasion. A pack of condoms is, therefore, a must. Put it in your pocket, shut down your computer and go. You can do it.
Shyness is a silent killer. It prevents us from showing the people around us who we really are and hinders our social and love life. There are so many people around the world suffering from it every day, and yet we rarely talk about it at all. Probably because we are shy to talk about it.
There is only one way to escape this vicious circle and it is to stop being shy. Yes, it is an idea which should probably be listed in a dictionary of idioms as an example of the entry “easier said than done”, but on the other hand most, if not every single thing in the world is easier said than done, so why would this be any different?
Stating such an obvious fact as the one in the previous paragraph is hardly a reason enough to publish an article. Getting out of your comfort zone is, after all, something you know you should do. But how about this proposition: you do not need to be shy because you have no reason to.
“No reason?”, you ask in disbelief. Yes. No reason. Shyness is one of the most irrational human feelings ever to reach this stage of our evolution as a species. And here is why:
Shyness does not make you any better in the eyes of the people around you.
You think you sound stupid when you talk? Apart from the fact that this is most probably untrue, do you think that being silent in public will help your image? No it will not, of course, it will only make things worse. Your “funny” voice will not matter if you have something to add to the conversation. Your silence will most certainly be an overweight elephant in the room.
By Guest Writer
What is the Cause of Attraction?
Attraction between men and women… what lies at it’s heart? As one of the great mysteries of all Time, it’s a tough nut to crack. Since the beginning of our species, we’ve asked ourselves – what exactly makes a woman attracted to a man?
Some will say it’s looks alone. Some will say personality. What about buzzwords like confident and genuine? Where does wealth and power play into all of this?
The truth of the matter is when women are attracted to a man, many times they can’t even pinpoint themselves what they were attracted to. Have you ever heard a woman say, “There was just something about him”? It’s obvious that attraction is complicated. Let’s break it down.
Undoubtedly, looks play an integral role in initial attraction. When you meet someone for the first time, the only thing you have to judge them by is their looks. Clearly, that’s the case for both men and women.You can’t do much to change your facial features, but there’s a lot you can do.
By Guest Writer
Why Women Put Guys in the Friend Zone
“I talk to plenty of girls but they all think I am just a friend…”
This is the frustration of a 17 year-old male who recently reached out to me for help. Truth is, we’ve all been put in the friendzone, and once we’ve been banished to this dreaded place, we stay there. Permanently. We think of ingenuous tactics to win her over… we count down the days ’til we confess our undying love. But deep in our minds, we know that this has no effect. She simply thinks of you as just a “friend”. She would be terribly uncomfortable if you made a move on her.
This problem is awfully commonplace. If I got a dollar every time someone said they were in the friendzone, I’d be a millionaire. And obviously, getting out is an uphill (and sometimes impossible) battle.
But for the sake of this post, let’s look at the reasons why she put you in the friendzone to begin with.
~ Guest Article by Frank Kermit ~
After all, a broken heart hurts, you could catch a sexually transmitted disease… You could end up ruining your life if you choose the wrong person… your financial situation could be massive destroyed through a nasty divorce. So why even try?
Well, I will give you three reasons:
1. Dating and relationships teach you about yourself. People have lots of theory about what they want in a relationship. Unfortunately a lot of that theory is just that: theory. It is important to get as much relationship experience as you can so that you will learn about what you really can and cannot handle emotionally. This will give you the self-knowledge you will need to make a long-term relationship succeed when you get there.
I once said that ‘chemistry’ was the most hated word in the world of dating and hooking up, at least as far as men are concerned.
I apologize… how could I have forgotten that most scurrilous of all slanderers – the nice guy. The nice guy. If you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of having the label ‘nice guy’ hung on you by some chick that you’re hot for, forget it… you’ve just been deposited straight into the dumpster.
The nice guy may be all things wonderful to all women, except for the minor fact that he’s sexually invisible to her! Most women can no more contemplate having sex with a guy she thinks of as “nice” than she could her own biological brother. This label represents the graveyard of broken dreams, and you need to keep it off yourself at all costs.
Still, listen to any one of these gab shows that women participate in, and whenever they are asked to describe what they’re looking for in terms of an ideal mate, they all talk about this mythical “nice guy” who has yet to appear in their lives and sweep them away. However, as a man, if you actually get tagged as a nice guy you’re romantically dead. So what is going on here?
You’re hanging out with your friends at the club, chatting around, laughing, not really caring about anything in particular. Then you slide over to the dance floor and start scanning the room a bit, and then there she is… dancing enticingly with her girlfriends. You make eye contact for an instant and think (hope!) for a moment that there could be a connection. She seem’s really amazing, and you suddenly want to know who she is…
Then the song ends and she turns to walk straight back in your direction. In a moment the crowd will have you both nearly pressed together. You try to open your mouth and say something cool, but a gripping fear keeps your voice choked off. You can’t think of anything “amazingly clever” to say that you think would rock her world (mistakenly believing that nothing less will do, thus placing way too much unnecessary pressure on yourself…), and so she just keeps on sliding by… and in moments she’s spun away and gone. Gone like a sexy phantom that never was. You had your chance and you blew it.
I suppose it HAD to happen someday: with all the major advances in psychology and behavioral science in the past decade, I knew that a REAL doctor was going to come along one day and figure out how to seduce a woman with methods that would be precise, scientific and tested.
And now it’s happened.
Psychologist Dr. David Tan has become a minor celebrity in Asia, where he was actually pushed out of a prominent teaching position at a top university for conducting social-sexual research that was deemed too controversial. You see, Dr. Tan’s research into the question of “what makes a woman want to sleep with a man?…” happened to offend too many of his stuffy academic peers, and they waged a successful protest for his removal.
But WE love this guy don’t we?… a guy who aims to answer those truly great life questions such as, “How do I get that hot bitch over there interested in boffing me?…” — questions that are genuinely important for the enrichment of our lives.
Here’s a post I ran across by Genevieve Mullins that I thought made some good points about the sorts of things that turn women on. I feel it’s always good to get a woman’s perspective when it comes to seduction and dating tips, especially a cute one like her.
This is, after all, about getting inside their heads, right? Here’s a few interesting quotes that I pulled:
On the power of whispering:
“Whether it’s done in bed or while we’re out in public, a quiet whisper or breathing a little too close to the inside of my ear turns me on almost no matter who I’m speaking to – it’s quite disturbing, actually…”
About holding sway in your relationship with her:
“Don’t let me boss you around too much. I still like to be the boss in every other facet of my life, but not so much in a relationship. It’s the guy who I can’t exactly conquer who holds on to my line of interest and attention…”
Nowadays, women are beginning to expect more creativity from men regarding their skills at dating…
There’s no doubt that those men who can deliver the psychological goods possess a definitive edge nowadays. One serious dating landmine that I think you may want to avoid is pressing forward straight into a heavily romantic date too soon, especially as a FIRST date.
Romantic dates staged too soon in the “feeling out” process can quickly get out of control and devolve into ugly pissing contests just as easily as they can a roll in the sack… and often due to some minor issue that should’ve never come up in the first place if the two of you weren’t so intent on interrogating and testing one another.
That’s because these pre-first-sex dates can be too heavy on the talking and too light on the connecting. Too much self-revelation right out of the gate cancels out most of the fantasy elements that likely got her interested in you in the FIRST place — so don’t be too anxious to shed your cloak of mystery and get things grounded in reality right away. People do this because they’ve been burned before and don’t trust anyone, and so they want to strip away all pretenses ASAP and find out what they’re dealing with (another loser?… another crazy bitch?…) before they invest too much time and hope into another person who turns out to be not what they originally seemed.